


Why the Caged Bird Sings

by notcrindy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, M/M, just gettin stuff out in the world mang, since Taako is usually the one havin' hits done 2 him tbh, what if Kravitz was in crisis Instead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:47:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15822024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcrindy/pseuds/notcrindy
Summary: Kravitz sometimes worked a little long, but neverthislong.





	1. Prologue/Concept/etc

Crises rarely gave themselves away.

It wasn’t something Taako was even  _ contemplating _ the day it happened. Shit was finally on the up and up, so maybe he should’ve been more suspicious and guarded, but enough time had passed after so much bullshit that he’d been settled into domesticity. Stuff almost grew lazy, normal in a way that the elf’s life had never been before, in a way that he probably would’ve insisted he never wanted in the first place. He’d managed to rebuild and rebrand his own name, save the universe, start a school for magic and  _ still _ the most novel thing about this new existence was coming home to someone else and a handful of cats. The stuff that was the most unusual for Taako was the quietest stuff, stuff like lounging around on the couch and binging shit on Fantasy Netflix.

Sometimes, he even let the Glamour down, even after Wonderland. No joke zone.

So… ...yeah, maybe he should’ve been more wary. Maybe he should’ve been prepared for the other shoe to drop, had known that this sweet gig he shared with most of his family (adopted family included, with the exception of Lucretia) couldn’t last long. He’d certainly beat himself up enough about it later, and he’d have plenty of time to fucking hate himself for ever thinking anything could work out for him. But he… ...wasn’t, not the day that it happened, because Kravitz went out for an ordinary day’s work, tailed by his sister and her husband. It wasn’t weird or anything.

At first.

None of them came… ...home. Which was fine, honestly? Sometimes Krav’s shit went a little long, and gods knew that Lup and Barry could be plenty distracted and distracting. He tried reaching them by Stone when it got late enough, waving it off casually as cats swarmed him with concern, and his voice was tight and high with anxiety, which he just hated. They’d definitely make fun of him later for being so uptight, so even as he paced in his robe and slippers, facial mask on and hair in curlers because he was grooming himself to get his mind off shit, it was probably no big deal. He was just being dramatic.

That’s what he was, after all. Dramatic. With a capital ‘D.’

“Hey, so uh,” he babbled into the receiver after the other two hadn’t picked up, trying Barry last out of desperation. “Don’t really know what’s up down at Weird Spooky Bird HQ--hah,  _ up down. _ That’s uh, that’s not a goof, that’s nothing, ignore me--don’t really know what’s goin’ on, um. Can’t seem to reach Lulu or Kravvy. Any idea where my two fav idiots might be? Get back to me when you can, Barold. Thanks.”

Too polite. Ugh. A sure sign he was kind of freaking out. He entertained the thought of painting his nails, then dismissed it outright, since his stupid hands wouldn’t stop shaking. No way he could sleep or meditate in this mess,  _ that _ was for sure; he still tried to lie down exactly once, purring kitty right up next to him and snuggling like she usually was, and couldn’t get that goddamn note Lup left all those years ago out of his head. “Back soon,” it taunted him. “Back soon, back soon…”

He still had nightmares about it.

He’d never tell her, though.

It wasn’t until the sun was nearly rising that Barry  _ and _ Lup appeared. In unison. Weird and skeletal and floaty and he didn’t appreciate the anxiety that pulsed through his veins as he nearly fell  _ back _ and off the bed in shock. “Holy fuck, y’all knock anymore? What’re you guys doing here at asscrack o’clock, anyway? Went a little long, huh?”

They didn’t respond to him. Faces underneath robes were blank in a way he… ...sorta hated, and even as he knew they were his loved ones, he backed up. “Uh,” he stammered, “really funny, you guys, but the creepy twins thing is kinda  _ my _ whole bit with Lulu ‘n’ Barry’s really butchering it right now, um. Care to knock it off?” He laughed, but it wasn’t… ...real. It was hysterical and awful and he hated everything about this situation, shivering even though he wasn’t even cold.

“YOUR PRESENCE,” something said in Lup’s voice, “HAS BEEN REQUESTED.”

Taako blinked, but then tried to let himself relax, at least. “Oh, I get it! Okay, so this is one of them bits Queenie does, huh? God, she’s so extra--you can really tell she’s Krav’s mom, honestly. ‘kay, I mean next time y’all can just give me a ring or something like normal people, just for future reference. You don’t have to use people I love as creepy puppets. Taako’ll give you  _ that _ valuable social lesson for free, but the rest’ll cost you--”

“SILENCE,” something demanded in Barry’s voice. “NO TIME. FOR GOOFS.  _ NOW,  _ ELF.”

Never really did have much of a sense of humor, he tried to convince himself. So this wasn’t necessarily anything dire--she was the Queen of  _ Death _ and all that ooky spooky bullshit, this was just par for the course dramatic nonsense. He wasn’t at all worried as he changed into something more presentable and put the Glamour on tight, teeth white and smile bright and ready, before She all but  _ tugged _ him out of his world and into her own.

Normally, she couldn’t do that, so.

That was, like… ...cool of her. Maybe a magical PSA about consent was needed, huh?

When he saw the way the winged creature before him was bent over, almost feral, almost broken,  _ howling _ with something--it shut him the fuck up. There  _ were _ reapers, probably, who weren’t his loved ones, but he’d never really thought about them much before; now they all stood around him, stone-faced and mostly wearing bird masks and draped in feathered cloaks. Barry and Lup were the only exceptions, naturally, since they were all lichified (and still under her weird mind control). “Some office party, huh?” It was all he could think to say; he didn’t want to accept a conclusion his mind was already arriving at right quick, so. Nope. Nope, no, no, no.

Lup was the first one Queenie let go, and he watched her personality fill her to the brim again as all the emotion and passion came back into her face, watched as his twin inhabited the space behind her own eyes some more. He tried not to let that make him feel any kind of relief, but it sort of did, if only because he had her now at least. “Um. Taako, listen--”

“No,” he blurted out without even hearing her, backing up. “Listen, no, it’s fine? Sometimes you guys get a little caught up, and he’s always supes busy. It’s like, no big deal, so I’m gonna go home now, I--”

“No, Taako,” Lup contradicted him, looking away and wringing her hands. “You’re not. I don’t--we don’t--no one knows how to say this, but Kravitz is… ...gone. And probably in danger. And I’ve spent  _ so much time _ trying to figure out how to tell you, we didn’t want to have to, believe me, but--”

“Danger?” Taako quirked an eyebrow before he could help himself. “He’s  _ Death,  _ Lulu. Just in case you didn’t get the memo.”

“Yeah, but--but we had a run in with this… ...group. And he told us to go on ahead, he said he could… ...take care of it, we--we had other stuff to attend to and you’ve gotta  _ believe _ me, Taaks, we wouldn’t have left him if we thought he wouldn’t come back. But no one’s seen him or located him since, okay, and… ...and sometimes we run into some  _ real _ bad shit out there, Taako, and--”

“This can’t be real,” he murmured. It was starting to sink in. His knees felt like jelly. “Okay, well then--what the fuck are we doing sitting around and  _ talking _ about this? We gotta fan out. Super ultra mega search party, mostly birds and partially--uh, me and Barry. Nobody sleeps. Nobody does jackshit. Should I get Ango in on this? I should prob get Ango in on this, he’s wicked smart, then again--”

“Taako,” Barry finally muttered, “slow down, bud. We’re gonna find him, you know that. But we can’t go just yet.  _ You _ can’t go just yet.”

“Why the hell  _ not? _ Fuck you, I--I--goddamnit, I can’t believe I gotta call  _ Susan, _ I hate her so much, fuck--but the  _ cats. _ ”

“Taako--”

And just like that, he was somewhere else, with someone else.

The needles went click-clack click-clack.

“A minute of your time first,” she said.

He couldn’t refuse.


	2. Chapter 1

Kravitz rose at around 2 AM.

It was absurd to even say stuff like that since he didn’t exactly need the sleep. Most of the time, he _didn’t_ sleep, simply because his body had forgotten how to drift after so long. But Taako, despite the constant insistence that elves didn’t sleep, they _meditated_ \--he slept. It was one of the Reaper’s favorite things to watch him, because he was so peaceful, so beautiful, his golden hair always catching the moonlight in just the right way. It hadn’t taken very long at all, either, for the elf to start cuddling up against him most of the time, and it was nice to hear him thrumming with signs of life, soothing to hear his heartbeat and breaths.

Sure, sometimes Taako had night terrors, and those were truly awful. He felt for his love every time and soothed him best he could, but he’d learned that usually the elf was so asleep he wouldn’t even remember them later. They always dealt with them together, and anyway, the cats had helped. There was one girl in particular, a Siamese and ragdoll mix Kravitz had named Daisy (so that Taako wouldn’t name her after Fantasy Carly Rae Jepsen), that always found her place by Taako’s side and cuddled into him while purring up a storm. It soothed Taako, and it brought a smile to Kravitz’s lips a lot of the time, so.

So yeah, things were mostly fine. It was… ...absurd? His life was kind of fuckin’ ridiculous in ways he never could’ve fathomed before, not even when he was alive--he never thought he’d be living (kind of sort of in a manner of speaking) with someone, never thought he’d settle into domestic life with anyone enough to argue about who fed the cats (and honestly, Kravitz didn’t really _mind_ Susan, not that he’d ever tell Taako that). For such a long time, his life had been punctuated only by work. And even work was changing, now that he had two _liches_ by his side most of the time. Ridiculous, but… ...nice. Lots of new habits.

A reason, now, to dread leaving for work.

Kravitz kissed Taako’s forehead gently. “I’ve got to get going now, love.”

Taako whined a little in his sleep, pouting in a way that made it even more difficult to want to go. “Mmm _n._ Nu-uh, tell Mama Bird she can stuff it, just five more _minutes…_ ”

He couldn’t help the smile that played on his face. “You know I would if I could, Taako. I’ll be back before you know it, though, okay? Daisy, you look after him for me.” The cat’s ears flicked back in acknowledgment of her own name, and her purring was enough agreement for him. “Very good. Love you all.”

“Love you too,” Taako managed.

A reason, now, to look forward to coming back.

Upon arriving to work, they were given what seemed a fairly standard task. Necromantic cult, mocking and mangling the boundaries between Life and its opposite, last seen somewhere near the town of Neverwinter, blah, blah… It was serious stuff, there was no doubt about that, but it was also the kind of stuff he was tremendously used to, and the Queen didn’t warn any of them about anything out of the ordinary. Fairly small group, even--some of the necromantic cults out there had well over a hundred members at least. There were only seven in this one. He didn’t even bother to remember the name they called themselves; it wasn’t relevant.

In fact, once they were sent off and put to the task, Kravitz took them both aside. “Listen, far be it from me to question the Queen’s orders, but this doesn’t really seem like a task for three, does it?”

Lup was absolutely _grinning_ underneath her hood, mischievous glint in her eye. “We’re rubbing off on you that much, huh? Barry, get a load of this--Ghost Rider’s finally stickin’ it to the man! I’m so _proud._ ”

Kravitz rolled his eyes, trying to hide his unprofessional grin. “It’s not like _that,_ I just--”

“‘It’s not like that,’ he says,” Lup was mocking him, ribbing him a little. “Can you believe this, Barry? ‘It’s not _like_ that.’ It’s _totally_ like that!”

“Sure seems like it, Lup.”

He wound up sighing and dismissing them both outright; if anything, he was being _more_ practical and professional this way, since stuff had been piling up so much at work. It was only fair and right that he send them off to work on something else to lighten the workload, and they agreed with him (obviously, neither of them liked to follow orders particularly closely and any chance to do what they weren’t necessarily _supposed_ to do was welcomed) before leaving him alone to deal with the rest.

A brief sweep of the area and he couldn’t find a single one of them? No footprints, no trails left in snow, not even any evidence of sacrifice that you might find at any of the sites of the particularly dark ones. No one in dramatic dark dress, nothing. He swept the area a few more times and still came up empty, deciding that if he truly and earnestly didn’t find anything, he’d abandon this location and check a few other places…

...when he finally spotted a figure. Human, from the looks of it. Bent over in a manner befitting of someone praying to some occult figure or something, not unusual at all. Cloak was covering his face, but that wasn’t nearly as intimidating as these edgy types seemed to think it was, and he wondered if maybe this fellow had been left behind by the others. Scythe in hand, he disappeared and then reappeared a little ways behind him, ready to sneak up and cleave him with the thing and give his whole speech about the Eternal Stockade, but--

\--but the figure caught _sight_ of him. Shit. This would be annoying.

“All right, I was trying to do this with a bit of _drama,_ ” he sighed in one of his work accents, “but I guess you blew that chance, huh? Look, you _know_ necromancy is some tricky business, right? Where I come from--” And he went all skeletal then, just couldn’t help himself. “--we don’t **_LIKE IT._ ** As such, you have been ordered to return with me to the Eternal Stockade by the Raven Queen herself! Come now and preferably peacefully.”

The figure… ...didn’t even move.

Kravitz arched an eyebrow, standing his ground nonetheless. “Did you hear me? Maybe you’re deaf or something, um. I can sign, let me--”

Before he had a chance to, the figure lifted up its hood.

There was something about its… ...eyes. Oh, shit. This was Eyebite, wasn’t it? Fuck, yes, because they were just pupiless black holes of _nothing,_ and since he knew what the spell was, he could look away. He’d dealt with so many jokers of this school of magic by now, he practically knew it like the back of his hand himself, so it really shouldn’t have been a big deal to just look _away._ And not into those… ...eyes… ...and… ...he…

...he didn’t need to sleep, but he felt so… ...sleepy? Fuck.

His consciousness wavered. “I _know_ what you’re tryin’ to do,” he mumbled, falling to his knees. “‘n’ it’s not gonna work… I’ve been working with people like you for too long… ...to fall prey to something like… ...like an Eyebite…”

This was… ...ridiculous.

He had to stay awake. He… ...he could do it. Shake the sleep off. He managed to sit upright and tried to smack himself awake, but it was almost impossible to look away from that face and he was so _tired._ It took longer for him than most mortals, probably, to get there proper but his whole body was so heavy and he was so exhausted. His vision flickered, the void and the figure with eyes like nothing, and his thoughts became nonsensical and dreamy before he drifted right there on the cobblestone, sleeping for the first time in who knows how many years.

Because it had been so long since he’d dreamt, he didn’t know to recognize it at first. He had a vague impression of a concert hall, which was a welcome sight to him. A sweet symphony played off in the distance, and though some part of him wondered how he’d gotten there, most of him felt just at peace. He felt so happy in a kind of distant, delirious way; he blinked and realized he was _conducting,_ it was his _orchestra,_ and he swelled with excitement and nerves about it all.

It wasn’t until he spotted Taako in the distance, clapping and hollering for him, that--that he thought, wait. Something might be… ...wrong? With this. Because--because how did he get here? When did Taako get here? These questions were important. He didn’t dare voice them to any of his colleagues, but they weighed heavy on his mind as he sent them into some classical piece of some kind. And… ...and kept bothering him until--until he saw Her in the audience. Bird mask covering a completely unamused, completely impassive face. He saw her and he felt tremendous _guilt,_ guilt that overcame him like a _wave_ until there were nearly tears streaming down his face. He should have been working, he knew she was displeased, he knew she wouldn’t like it, he knew--

\--but instead, she reached for his hand. _Shrieked_ like actual bloody murder, like he’d never heard from her before, like he’d never wanted to. And her voice was ringing throughout all of his entire body, a Command to **COME HOME. COME HOME. REACH FOR ME. STAY WITH ME SEE ME FEEL ME LOVE ME JUST HOLD ON KRAVITZ JUST HOLD ON** and he was grasping for her like he’d frantically grasped for Taako in that terrible black opal sea, and he was so close to touching her hand, he was so close. He _needed_ her to make this all okay, and she knew he needed her, and she was trying to soothe him in some long-dead tongue that only they understood, but he couldn’t quite--get her--

 **_WRONG,_ ** she yelled out at nothing.

And Kravitz woke up for the first time in _years._

And he took a gasp of breath, desperate and needed, for the first time in years.

And he was shaking, and couldn’t… ...stop? Couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t have any time to actually think about why his body felt it was so necessary to breathe suddenly, he just knew he felt it, and the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears made it difficult to think anyway. Wait--wait, heartbeat? _His?_ He _snapped_ awake then, because that wasn’t something he’d heard or thought about for so long he almost didn’t remember the circumstances anymore. And his lungs kept filling with air, and he--

\--he tried to summon his scythe, just out of panic.

Nothing. He came up entirely empty.

“Fuck,” he swore, rising slowly. “Am I… ...am I alive?”

Nothing answered him. Thankfully, this form still had dark vision, so he could make out his surroundings in all shades of sickly grey. Couldn’t figure out much, except that he was trapped in some kind of cage. Wherever he was, it _was_ dimly lit by candles, but he couldn’t tell much about it beyond that. And he was… ...high up, goodness. Incredibly high up. It didn’t really look like a particularly impressive cage, either. Maybe he could just… ...force his way out, and then--then use wings? To fly away? Yes, okay. They were there. He could tell that if he needed them, if he _wanted_ them to come out, they would.

Okay, he was already starting to catch onto the birdcage thing. It wasn’t particularly funny, but whatever. Maybe Taako’d get a laugh out of it, back home. Ugh, _Taako._ He must’ve been worried sick, and this entire thing was practically no big deal. He was already sure that there was no way they changed his physiology; maybe it was some kind of illusion? He didn’t particularly care. The important thing was to not give into it, to just try to make his way out. The bars weren’t even that difficult to bend, so this was a goddamn _joke,_ and he was almost angry that they didn’t go to proper measures to keep him locked up. It was just insulting, honestly, but whatever.

No time for pettiness. Flight now. He _jumped_ without any real thought, fully expecting to be able to glide gracefully with his raven’s wings like he’d always been able to do, even during moments of extreme duress. They were out, so it wasn’t that, but they--they just couldn’t stay stable, he just couldn’t stay upright in the air. Okay, so he was plummeting to the ground  _instead,_ which was annoying but no problem. He was a Reaper, after all. Couldn’t be hurt or damaged.

Which was why it was confusing in more ways than one when a voice said, “Don’t do that. You’ll fall.”

He couldn’t figure out what it was. Or why it was able to… ...pluck him out of the sky, out of gravity coming between him and the sky, and put him back in the cage. “Why would I fall? Unhand me _now,_ or face the wrath of the Raven Queen and all her children! You are forbidden by **_several very important cosmic laws_ ** to ever lay a hand on us, much less kidnap us. And so help me, if you don’t get me out of this cage right _now,_ I’ll--”

“Oh, fine. If it’ll keep you quiet, c’mon. Let’s let you out to play, hm?”

Being so suddenly on the floor was dizzying, but he took this opportunity to take stock of more of his surroundings. Even more candles down here, and a _very_ expensive and tasteful piano. A brief thought about the wings occurred to him that was too painful, too confusing, didn’t make a lick of sense-- _clipped got to get out can’t get out clipped they clipped my wings_ \--before he realized if he went to the piano, he might be able to… ...might be able to manage to do some magic. He was a former Bard, after all. Maybe he could figure a way out this way.

Calmly and coolly, so as not to give away his intentions, Kravitz sat down at the piano and started to play. The moment he got too emotional, too creative, too connected, it _slammed_ shut--he didn’t react soon enough, because he wasn’t supposed to have goddamn fingers that could get injured, but _fuck_ that hurt ugh his _hands_ goddamn. “That’s exactly what you get,” something told him, “for trying to use magic spells on me. They won’t work, you know. Any creativity here is highly discouraged. I’ve left a few songbooks with acceptable numbers in them, and I think you’ll find all of them adequate. No improvisations, no making things up, no freeform. Not for you. And _especially_ not now that you’ve gotten your fingers all dinged up; they might even be broken. Look at you! So ungrateful.”

“Why would I be grateful for _any_ of this? Look, that--that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to _be_ here, do you understand? People need me back home. And as soon as I figure out how to get out of here, I _promise_ you’ll regret ever laying a hand on me--I--I _swear,_ this--” Fuck, he was slipping into an accent. It was easier to do that than to think this was happening to him right now. He was still on the clock. This was fine. He just had to deal with some real pieces of work sometimes, that was all, but he’d do this and get back to his Queen and all would be solved.

“You may not _be_ grateful yet, Kravitz,” said this Voice. “That’s okay. I will teach you gratitude. You’ll learn to answer the door when opportunity knocks!”

He didn’t know how, but he could feel it, feel something smiling.

“Who _are_ you?” It was stupid to ask, to even wonder. Whatever this was, it wouldn’t let him know truthfully, but it slipped out of him as he shivered against the feeling of a smile on his form, breathing and beating and prone to falling instead of flight.

“Don’t you recognize me? Don’t you see me for what I am?”

The aura of joy was _overwhelming_ now. “Why, Kravitz--I’m your second chance at life. My lovely little raven, get with the program! You are reborn anew.”

In a way that Kravitz almost couldn’t perceive, it laughed.

Joyously.

 

* * *

 

Taako didn’t have patience for goddesses on even the best days, honestly. Unlike Kravitz, he didn’t fall all over himself to please them just because they were deities; that was stupid, though he’d never tell that to his boyfriend’s face. Sure, they were all nice enough folks, but when it came down to it they just really liked to play games with mortals, really egg ‘em on for some ridiculous cause or another. Istus was _his_ goddess, true, and that came with a certain loyalty and respect on a deep level, but he was still wary of her as he stood before her and her needles.

“I don’t _have_ time, Istus,” he spat out. “Kravitz is _gone._ I have to go _find_ him.”

“No one’s arguing that you don’t, my dear Taako,” she insisted, not even looking up from whatever bullshit sweater or quilt she was knitting at the moment. “But it’s very important that I speak with you before you go.”

“Why? So you can tell me my destiny is _special_ or whatever? Yeah, okay, thanks for the pep talk, now if you’ll excuse me, I really have to get going--”

“Quite the opposite, actually,” she trilled calmly, in a way that stopped him in his tracks.

He still rolled his eyes, just because right now sarcasm was about all he had left. “Yeah, and just what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean, huh? This is what I’m always sayin’. You gods ‘n’ goddesses, you just talk in riddles, just so you can watch the rest of us achieve the level of mental gymnastics required to understand them and you can impart some wisdom or some bullshit, meanwhile us mortals are living real lives in _real time_ and some of us are in _crisis,_ okay, so maybe you could just get to the point.”

“I would have,” she answered patiently, “much sooner if you hadn’t started that tangent.”

“Fair point,” he conceded, adjusting his hat so it was drooping a little over his face.

“Now _come here,_ ” she said, in a way that he knew meant he couldn’t say no. Taako sighed and moved his way over to her, watching her knit, watching a piece of thread. “Look at this, see? Even undead things--even _dead_ things have a fate, sometimes. Kravitz’s thread used to be colorful too, like yours, but it’s been black now for a very long time. Queenie has that effect sometimes, you see?”

“Yeah, okay,” Taako muttered, “my boyfriend’s gone goth. So what.”

“So this _was_ his thread, being knit together with your own, see the bright pink color? I don’t have to tell you that that’s you, do I. This was his thread, and now--now he doesn’t have one. I’ve checked. I’ve tried to see if it’s maybe just become another color, but it’s just gone. Yours, as you can see, is still going. Is still zig-zagging along, of course. Look at you even now! I bet if we looked close enough, we could see our exact conversation.”

“Don’t give me even _more_ of a headache,” he complained. It was a ridiculous thing to say right now, but it didn’t matter. “So--so--so he doesn’t have a thread. So what does that mean? Can’t be that he’s dead, right? Because he was… ...already dead, right?”

“That’s exactly right, Taako,” she said, a little rushed to prevent that worry. “I promise you, even the dead have _something_ I can detect. No one ever just _vanishes_ like this. This is why I’ve called you here. I know our friend Queenie is desperate for him back--she’s despondent, really. But I have a suspicion, and I don’t think it’s so far off, that this is less a matter to do with Death and more with Fate, you see. Someone must be acting outside of it.”

“Changing Kravitz’s fate.” Taako was unwilling to give it the Proper Emphasis it demanded whenever Istus said it. “W… ...who, though? And fucking _why?_ Why would they _do_ this? This is such bullshit--”

“We don’t know yet,” Istus confessed, “but that’s why I want you to find out. You’ll have to… ...have access to knowledge that mortals do not in the process. The Eyes of Fate see all that is available to them; it’s… ...tremendously demanding and exhausting work. I hate to ask it of you when you’re going through such a difficult time already, but would you be willing to--”

“Istus,” Taako decided without even thinking about it, “for that man, I’d go to the goddamn ends of the earth. Not often Taako says this, but I’d go to Hell and back for that one. Hook me up with whatever you gotta to help make this happen and I’m there.”

“I thought you might feel that way,” she said with a smile. “Good. Now hold still while I take some measurements.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i guess this is a Thing now. i am Super Sick and relatives are here but i've been thinking about it all day so lmao enjoy i guess. and thank you and i love you. <3


	3. Chapter 2

Staying still in a situation like this was one of the hardest things Taako had ever had to do in his entire life. And it wasn’t exactly like he’d had an easy life, either. There were a lot of tough things he’d had to do over the course of his long life, ranging from doing unspeakable things for money to searching for and losing his twin sister to fleeing a murder scene under the assumption that it had been _his fault._ His childhood was probably wracked with what some might have called “trauma,” and it followed him into adulthood with an almost giddy glee that he could never think about too much. So it was saying something, it really was, that out of all the shit he’d had to swallow this was some of the most intolerable of all.

“Measurements?” He’d asked out of skepticism, but that was all he dared to do as she set about actually… ...measuring him like she was trying to tailor some clothes to his exact size, and he just let her do it. It was wicked hard not to fidget while he sat around knowing Krav had basically achieved the dream of going off the grid before _he_ had a chance to do it himself, but he let her do whatever she had to do. Let her carefully work on making garments that started out bright blue in nature, like a wide and cloudless sky, before fading into duller and darker blues until they were black at the end. He had to hand it to her; Istus knew what she was doing with a needle, and that was putting it lightly, because she made it look seamless as fuck.

Flowing robe, flowing jacket, like a sea. Nothing he wouldn’t wear, though it was probably gonna hang off his frame a little bit. And the finishing touch came when she demanded his hat, which struck Taako with an almost sickening amount of possessiveness and fear--he hadn’t parted from his hat, truly parted with it, in _forevs_ and it was _supes_ important and you couldn’t just take a man’s hat, not when something had decided to take almost _everything else_ at one point or another--but he forked it over and let her see it. When she handed it back, it was covered in eyes of all colors and shapes and sizes. They looked like they were made of--made of different stones, which peered into different planes, but they _blinked_ like a real eye might occasionally, which was unsettling.

“Halloween’s come pretty early, huh,” he murmured as he turned the thing over in his hands. It was vibrant and _vivid_ with so much magical energy it probably would’ve overwhelmed your average mortal, and he was starting to see what she meant. It was intriguing, though, if only from a transmutation wizard’s perspective, and he wanted to put it on like yesterday.

She didn’t get his reference, which was fine. Sometimes beings from this particular plane didn’t. It was cool. “Not yet, my elf. One more moment.”

He was sick to death of moments. There’d already been _so many,_ but he waited obediently.

Finally, with a wave of her hand and all the eyes shut, she placed the thing on his head.

He was… ... _immediately_ overwhelmed by so much at once, in a way he couldn’t even explain. He saw the way everything expanded infinitely and collapsed all at once, the way the potential threads all intertwined and missed each other, the way that the simple flap of a mere butterfly’s wings could trigger a different outcome. He saw people he never knew going about business he didn’t understand; he saw all the elements, the different planes and layers of reality. He saw different journeys _he’d_ just barely avoided, a million different versions of himself doing a million different things and it was so fucking _much_ that he was dizzied, lost sight entirely of everything actually in front of him. “Oh, fuck,” he gasped, “I can’t--I can’t--I can’t _handle_ this amount of bullshit, how do you do this, this was--this was a mistake and a half I’m going to lose my mind I’m going to fall to pieces get it off get it off get it **_off_ ** which one’s **_me_ ** \--”

She just… ...touched it. He felt it, and all the different worlds collapsed into nothing, into only the colors you saw when you closed your eyes, until he could ignore them and see out in front of him. “I told you so, Taako. I told you this would be overwhelming; I warned you of the eyes. My only piece of advice is to learn to focus on what and when you want to see, and maybe the type of stone required for it. Every bit of thread you wear now is his; everything is attuned to what his Fate was before it was ripped away. It’s all I can do, my child--but if you truly want to back down, just call for me. I am _always_ watching.”

Holy fuck, his… ...his hands were still shaking. He tried to downplay it, laughing hysterically, wobble to his lip. “Uh, okay, sure. That’s not creepy at all. Cool. Will do.”

“Are you going to be okay?” She was genuinely concerned for him, at least. That was nice.

“I--I don’t know,” he managed, “and gods help me, I don’t _want_ to know. Not like, not like that, holy shit. But I’m, uh, I’m gonna try my best, huh? Not really any alternative that I can see. You done imparting your celestial wisdom down onto me, or?”

“I suppose I am,” she said. It was then that he noticed the way she somehow hadn’t dropped her needles or stopped knitting, not for a moment, even while doing so many other things. Her whole existence was a mindfuck, and he guessed he could accept that if he really had to do it, but. Eh. “Just remember this, Taako: you are so, so brave. You are more than capable. And just as so many place their faith in me, I place it in you now. Find him and make this right for me, okay?”

“For him,” Taako repeated, dazed by everything that had happened.

“For love,” she echoed back, a peaceful smile on her lips.

And he was surrounded by the Raven Queen’s subjects again as though he’d never left, and they were all staring at him stoically and silently with the exception of the two liches in his personal family tree, and it was… ...pretty disturbing, but he bit back the urge to make sardonic comments about it. “Hey, so, had a chat with Istus. Turns out this whole business is super uncool and kidnapping a Grim Reaper and robbing him of his fate is like, a pretty big no-no? Don’t worry, though. I’m gonna find him.”

“Not _alone_ you aren’t,” Lup rushed to his side, and he could feel the heat coming off of her skin. “We’re _all_ goin’ trackin’, so whatever took our boy Kravitz better be afraid. No match for us, right?”

“If they’re not afraid,” Taako said in a voice more serious than he’d ever heard from himself, “they’re gonna fuckin’ _learn_ to be, Lulu. Mark my fucking words.”

“Hell yeah,” Lup enthused, “that’s what I like to fuckin’ _hear!!_ We gonna get the band back together, too?”

“Well, uh, if my talk with my homegirl Istus was any indication, yeah. We’re gonna need all the eyes we can get out there.”

 **YOU** **_WILL_ ** **FIND HIM,** Queenie said. It wasn’t a question.

“Pff, natch.”

“My Queen, um,” Lup stammered, clearly still getting used to the language and being at someone else’s service twenty-four sev as she bowed her head and took a knee, “look. We know this is a stressful time for you more than anyone else, but trust me. _Nobody_ loves that dork more than you, except my ridiculously and impossibly gay brother. If anyone can find him, it’s Taako.”

**VERY WELL, LUP. JUST STAY SAFE OUT THERE.**

“We will, my Queen,” Barry reassured her gently. “Don’t worry. We’re being careful.”

 **GOOD. THEN GO. GO AND MAKE THEM** **_PAY._ **

“Will do,” Lup chirruped with too much joy for the situation.

And they were off to the races.

 

* * *

 

Kravitz’s fingers, impossibly, weren’t broken.

This was, perhaps, because without his fingers he couldn’t play music. And it seemed that whatever was holding him here really _did_ want him to play that piano, no matter how irritated they seemed to get whenever he tried to get creative. He didn’t dare test the waters after the first incident; he still had no idea what they were or who had the power to do these things, but they’d cured the wounds on his fingers as long as he’d promised to be good, to do what he was supposed to do.

It didn’t take long at all for him to become obedient. Largely because at least if he played at obedience for now, and acted like a model prisoner, it was possible to let Something’s guard down. He didn’t ask it for a name; it wouldn’t have told him honestly, anyway, and he didn’t really give a shit at this point. He just sat calmly and serenely on the piano bench, poised perfectly, and perused the musical selection given to him. To his relief (and perhaps mild resentment), it was right in that most of the selections were good enough. Some very nice Fantasy Beethoven, Mozart, and Chopin selections; his favorite was that they’d even included “Rhapsody in Blue,” which was something he’d always loved to play. Some of them must have been newer pieces, and he stayed away from those.

(He didn’t want to know what butchering a modern piece would get him.)

If he tried really hard, he could… ...forget. Just for a little bit, especially while playing. Forget the surroundings, forget the circumstance, forget how much he worried for Taako and the cats back home and even Lup and Barry and especially his Queen, and just--just play. It was something he tried very hard to do without much thought or feeling for whatever was watching over him to pick up on, and he tried to keep the pieces very technical and rigid in nature, given their volatility towards the idea of improv. It wasn’t the ideal situation in which to make art, but he did it all the same for what seemed like hours until an alarming thought wormed its way into his subconscious and stayed there.

He was… ...hungry.

Kravitz hadn’t been hungry in--in he honestly didn’t know how long. He didn’t… ...want to believe that was what was happening now, the hunger pangs, but they became so intense as to almost make him feeble, and at that point his captor took notice.

“Oh, that’s right,” it mused to itself. “You’re probably starving. Well, I’m already very impressed with how well you’re adjusting to the surroundings, so you’ve definitely earned a good meal. Let me make you your favorite, hm?”

“How do you know?” It was all he could think to ask. He was famished already, to his own disappointment.

“A magician never reveals their secrets, Kravitz,” it told him in the exact way Taako did when he was trying to be coy. “You of all people should know _that._ ”

He tried very hard to make sure he didn’t point it out. “Fair enough. But actually, I don’t want one of Taako’s dishes.”

“You don’t?” It seemed surprised.

“No, if--if it’s all right with you,” he risked, “I’d like to see what _you_ have to offer. If I’m going to be staying here, I need to know what you bring to the table, so to speak, right?”

There was a pause. “Very well, then. You may have a point.”

In the end, it didn’t matter what it put in front of him. He’d asked, very politely and dissociating out of his ass, if he could please eat on the floor. He didn’t want to eat at any kind of table, and he _certainly_ didn’t want to eat in that godsdamned cage, and maybe some part of him thought that if this Thing was so hellbent on him remaining as proper as possible that he could throw it off a bit by resorting to eating on the floor. But it didn’t work; that particular request wasn’t granted, though he was permitted to sit at the piano. He didn’t dare fuck with things like perfect posture or table manners, just in case, and he sat and ate some kind of noodle dish without even registering what it was.

“You are also permitted a glass of wine a day,” he was informed. “No more. Champagne only if something warrants a celebration. I think your arrival is more than adequate, don’t you?”

There was that word again. He tried his hardest not to flinch against it. “I believe you’re right,” he said, still putting on the posh British accent. If he had the accent on, it was work. It was business. It was all just part of the job, which made it easier to manage. Didn’t dare break out anything as informal as Cockney or Dracula impressions, though. Not with this one.

It was pleased with his response, at any rate, and soon he was presented with a glass of bubbly, full to the brim. “A toast, first,” it demanded of him, “to living well and enjoying every moment to the fullest.”

His heart leaped into his throat, but you’d never know it.

“Here, here,” he murmured, trying not to think about the blood being pumped through his veins. He wanted nothing more than to just down the entire glass, throw it over his shoulder in some dramatic and awful display, locate a bottle and get seriously hammered. But he could fight back the urge, taking delicate sips as he suspected he was supposed to do, until the combination of food and drink had made him… ...suspiciously sleepy.

He didn’t want to sleep after the last time.

He’d just fight it for now, then. “Um. Coffee or dessert on the menu, by any chance?”

“Were you dissatisfied with my meal in any way, Kravitz? I’m so embarrassed. I thought you’d enjoy your first real meal in centuries.”

“Um.” Fuck. “Of course not, it--it was wonderful, I promise. I just have a sweet tooth, you know? Gonna be the end of me.”

“Hmm. In that case, no. Gorging yourself on sweets is a less than ideal way to live a life.”

 _That was just a saying,_ he wanted to say in protest. He _would_ have said if he knew exactly who or what he was dealing with at the moment. But he didn’t want to risk ruffling any feathers--hah, and Lup always teased him about having “no sense of humor”--and so he kept quiet. “You’re probably right, then. Good call.”

“You look exhausted,” it let him know. “Are you ready to turn in for the night? It’s been such a long day for you.”

He stifled a yawn. “No, I--I’m fine, thanks. I’d rather just stay here. At the piano. Playing music.”

This wasn’t good enough for the Captor, who immediately plucked him from his spot on the floor and set him, impossibly and in no way that Kravitz could understand, in the cage. The cage. He was in the fucking cage again, and the cage--the cage made him _sick,_ to be honest. He had to be careful not to promptly expel that entire meal’s contents onto the floor of it, but he managed to keep it down. “Even musical geniuses need their rest. Rest those beautiful instruments of wonder, so that you may regale me with more art tomorrow. Until then, I do wish you a most pleasant sleep. I think you’ll find they’re all pleasant, here. Goodnight, Kravitz.”

“Thank you, um, goodnight,” Kravitz managed, feeling numb and terrified as a huge dark cloth blotted out any view he had of the outside world.

How he missed his bed.

How he missed his home.

There was something resembling that now, but it was a cheap imitation. No cats, no Taako, no familiar surroundings. He still climbed into it just to have something to do, and took a deep breath and tried very hard not to cry. Sooner or later, he’d have to start really thinking of ways to break out. An opportunity would present itself somehow.

For now, he told himself this was temporary.

Everything was going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i just had another chapter of this in me today????? i am writing most of this as an Actual Fever Dream so anyway i hope it makes sense at all ever lol. love you all tho <3 thanks for the support.


	4. Chapter 3

Kravitz had forgotten what it was to  _ need _ sleep. Not just to sleep in and of itself, but what it was like to actively and actually need it, and what happened when one was robbed of it in any way. He’d curled up in the bed and found it to be warm and forgiving in the exact ways he didn’t  _ want _ it to be at all, and then he’d allowed himself a moment or two of lip-wobbling. That was shut down, though, before he could properly re-experience freshly made and organic tears, because he didn’t want to deal with those right now. It was important not to grow despondent; it was unprofessional, frankly.

Yes, that was it. He had to keep it together because anything else was not appropriate for work, and he was still on the clock. That gave him what he needed to pull himself together even slightly and to sit up in the bed. He’d have to figure a way out sooner or later, and he’d be paid handsomely for bringing someone  _ this _ depraved in, and then he could go retire with Taako to somewhere so sunny and beautiful or something. That was enough. It had to be enough. He was going to get out of here, because… ...because there were no other options.

A glance around the cage revealed literally nothing helpful, though. Just the bed was in here, the bed and the bars and the blackness on all sides, blocking out all light and company. And he wasn’t about to try the flight trick again when he knew they’d done something to his wings; he wasn’t about to alert them to his escape by plummeting blindly. So for now maybe the best thing was to wait and to try to remember the surroundings below. Candles… ...piano. Couldn’t remember anything else about it.

He sat straight as an arrow, as he’d always been taught.

It was true that Kravitz had been tired; they’d  _ made _ him that way. They  _ wanted _ him to rest and seemed to view him as some kind of entertainment, but that was one of the things that kept him more awake than ever. The other was that, evidently, after immeasurable amounts of time passed inside the cage, the adrenaline of this form kicked in full force. He hadn’t… ... _ had _ adrenaline in so long and it made him so restless and uncomfortable, in a way to which he wasn’t accustomed, and his heart thudded so noisily against his ribcage and only made it  _ worse. _ But he didn’t dare move so as not to arouse suspicion or warrant another visit, not yet.

In the end, it didn’t even matter.

The light was visible for just a moment, and by then it hurt his eyes and he had to squint against it. It poured in just briefly, just enough for him to feel eyes on him again somehow. “Trouble sleeping, Kravitz?”

Shit. Fuck. “Um, no,” he managed, “no, I’m um, I’m fine. Just takes me a while to get to sleep, is all, but I’m nearly there.”

They seemed almost to consider his words. “You don’t have to  _ lie _ to me, you know. I only wish for you to enjoy yourself here. If you’re having trouble, I’d be more than happy to help. Everyone needs their rest to live a happy and fulfilling life.”

_ Fuckfuckfuckfuck _ . “No, really,” he stammered again, “I--I promise, I--”

“It’s no bother, really! I don’t mind.”

“No,” he tried, desperately backing up against the cage, “no, I  _ really _ don’t  _ need-- _ ”

“Kravitz,” the Voice said, and he  _ felt _ the magic pressing up against his skin and then into his brain, soft and warm and sweet like vanilla and lavender, “usually what helps me to sleep is thinking of things that bring me joy. Why don’t you head back to bed and think happy thoughts, hm?”

There was a hazy blanket over his thoughts now, warm and comforting and everything he needed it to be. He knew, distantly, that some part of him was displeased by the way this was going; he couldn’t care, nearly feeling so light and peaceful that he was drifting back to sleep before he even hit the pillow, smiling. It felt so,  _ so _ good to be up against this pillow and under these sheets, so safe and protected from the outside world. He started to think first of things like--well, like Taako. Oh, Taako made him so,  _ so _ happy. He just loved Taako, and all of the cats, and the Queen… ...the piano… ...classical music… ...sun on his skin… All varieties of desserts… ...a good book, especially one of poetry…

He yawned. “Thank you,” he mumbled into the pillow. “Feels nice.”

“Doesn’t it just? You’ve been working so hard for such a long time, haven’t you.”

“Oh, yes,” Kravitz let them know, “very… ...so long… ‘m still on th’ job now, actually.”

“Is that so?” More magic now, even warmer and fuzzier thoughts. “Well, I have tremendous news. Not only do you  _ deserve _ a vacation, you’ve  _ earned _ one. Isn’t that lovely?”

“‘zis a… ...vacation…? Wow. I must’ve done… ...a  _ good _ job.”

“Absolutely,” it soothed him, being everything he wanted and needed right then. He was too cozy to think much about it; it was just nice to be able to relax, to finally let go of all that nasty tension he’d been building up before. “You’ve done so, so well. It’s time to allow yourself to relax, Kravitz. It’s time to reward yourself with some hard-earned rest.”

“M… ...my Queen…?” He tried. It was a struggle to try anymore. His eyes were shut now. “What about…?”

“She  _ wants _ you to enjoy yourself, Kravitz,” they told him. “Don’t worry for a moment about that. She’s hired other Reapers, hasn’t she? This is your time off.”

“Oh,” he sighed like dreaming, burying deeper into the covers. “That’s nice… ...um. What about… ...what about…” There was someone else on his mind; someone who needed to know that he was here. Someone who was missing him, that he wanted to bring too, but he was so tired and the magic was doing the thinking for him, so he… ...he...

“Shh. That’s all for today. Rest, little bird, and know that all is well.”

He couldn’t resist.

This time, when he dreamed, it was narrated and guided by the Voice. The Voice gave him a sprawling field of flowers, beautiful variations he’d never even seen before; the Voice gave him a wheat field, golden in all the right ways when the sun touched it even lightly. It reminded him of Taako’s hair, but he--he didn’t have time to think about that, because the Voice was painting a new world for him. Every sunrise and sunset happened when it demanded, nature itself couldn’t resist how soft and kind it was, and at the end of it all he was afforded his very own symphony again, the same conducting again, he--

\--looked out into the crowd, and then he--

Kravitz woke up with an ugly gasp of air. Needed and vile. He knew then that he’d been influenced, and he knew how. That wasn’t… ...necromancy, not like the Eyebite. This was so much worse; this was Enchantment, and he drew up and he knew, knew he’d been under its spell and every whim and shivered against the false sense of security it dared to bring him. He thought of how it had tricked him into relaxing, to  _ trusting _ it, to being  _ happy _ in a place like this, and he brought his wings out just to drape them over himself as he tried with shaky hands to hold his knees and take some deep breaths.

“Oh, good,” it said with all of the cheer in the world as it cleared that darkness away from view, allowing almost sickeningly real and warm sunlight to spill onto his form and his bed. “You’re awake. How did you sleep? I told you all of them would be pleasant.”

He sat, contemplating what to do while under the wings. Had to stop shaking. Had to keep it together just a little while longer. So he allowed them to retract as he sat more upright, keeping his emotions concealed. “You did indeed, and it was as much as it could be.”  _ Okay, voice is nice and steady, good. _

“I am disappointed, though,” it admitted. “I didn’t expect to have to Enchant you for us to become friends.”

He bristled. “That… ...disappoints me too, actually,” he finally managed, trying not to keel over. “So how about in the future, you just don’t… ...do that, okay? You don’t… ...you don’t  _ need _ to do that, I’m not a rebellious person. I can be very obedient, you don’t have to, um--”

When it laughed, Kravitz was struck again by how little he understood his prison warden. He didn’t like it at all. “Do you think this is about  _ obedience, _ Kravitz? Oh, dear--no  _ wonder _ we haven’t been clicking, hm?” There was the feeling of a smile on his form now, wide and genuine and warm as the sun itself. “No, no, no. I only wish for you to adjust properly to this new life. I know it will take time, but this is what you truly deserve. So much hard work! This is long overdue, and I aim to make it a pleasant experience.”

His mind was  _ screaming. _ “New life.” That meant they planned on keeping him, maybe indefinitely? That meant there was no negotiating with them to let him go, and not only that, but they didn’t seem to be doing this out of any desire for torture. Not… ...consciously, anyway. He wasn’t met with any maliciousness except for the time with the piano; all else was saccharine, wrong and sticky and sweet like the magic it used to nudge his mind in the directions it wanted. He was, he determined in that single instance, being imprisoned by Something so depraved it  _ didn’t realize it was being wrong or awful _ , and even knowing it wouldn’t make a lick of a difference he wanted to protest. He wanted to stand up and yell, to tell it to go fuck itself, to demand to see the Queen or Taako, to attack what he couldn’t even fathom or comprehend in any real way. He wanted to tell it there was  _ no way _ he could be happy, not like this, not away from home--he wanted to call it  _ batshit _ and seethe.

He was calm and detached, instead. “Regardless,” he said without even being fully aware of the words tumbling out of his mouth, “I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t have to use spells on me anymore, okay?”  
  
“I hope you do,” it confided in him. “I’d like us to become genuine friends, especially after all the good I’m doing. I’m working so hard for you, you know that? I even had the loveliest table installed while you were asleep. It seems about time for breakfast.”

Oh, right. His stomach was so busy trying not to expel all of its contents that he forgot he’d need to eat again. The hunger struck him so hard that he was almost made weak by it, so that when he was somehow placed right into a chair at a finely-carved table made of yew, he couldn’t even protest. He was so careful to exhibit good table manners, and that extended unfortunately into consuming the French toast made for him (not nearly as good as Taako’s, but he’d never let his unexpected host know that). Between that and the tea made just as he liked it, it was difficult not to… ...almost enjoy it.

Starving and needing food made it taste better once you got to it.

Huh. He’d forgotten.

“Kravitz,” it asked him as he was sipping the tea with a steady hand. “What do you remember about your first time alive?”

_ First?  _ He swallowed a little too hard. “Um,” he tried, stammering over himself, “not much, really? Nothing to, uh, write home about. I probably used to know, but it’s, y’know, been so long and I’ve been dead--I--I  _ was _ dead--for a very long time.”

“I see,” it said. “Just curious.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have a more interesting answer for you,” he found himself saying.

“Oh, that’s all right,” it dismissed. “We can always make our  _ own _ answers to those questions, anyway.”

It didn’t take long after that for the Reaper to lose his appetite.

 

* * *

The good news: Mags, Merle, and Dav were all in.

The bad news: Lucretia was the only one left (he was still on the fence about consulting Angus, though he figured he’d have to break the news eventually). Also, Taako couldn’t see jackshit.

Yeah, that was a problem, too. He had no idea how Istus managed to get  _ anything _ done if she were being assaulted by shit like this on the reg, to be honest. It left him in kind of a bind, since he didn’t know yet how to hone in on just one specific eye, so while they were recruiting people to help the cause he mostly kept the thing off his head, figuring he didn’t need it quite yet. During the home stretch, though, he felt like he had to at least… ...try. Experiment with the thing.

“Man,” Lup breathed, staring at it with an equal amount of skepticism and awe, “I know I work for Death and everything, but this is morbid even for  _ me. _ ”

“Me, too,” Barry agreed, “and that’s saying a lot.”

“Pretty spooky, huh,” he’d managed. The words hadn’t meant anything since he knew Krav was missing, and he kind of suspected they wouldn’t until after his boy was found. That was how disaster worked, after all. Get through it now, have feelings way, way later. Preferably years and years later, alone at night, or something. “Somehow I gotta focus on where and when and who I want to see, and the type of stone I need to… ...look? Or something? Fuck, I dunno.”

“Sounds hard,” Barry observed.

“Yeah, kinda, Barold.”

“Um, good luck though.”

“Thanks, man.”

“What happens when you put it on?” Lup asked, peering at it again only this time with a little bit of disdain and suspicion, as if she wanted to protect Taako from it. It was so like her, honestly, to still feel the need to jump to his defense all the time even though she’d been out of Umbrellaville for a while now.

Taako wondered how to explain it, and then decided he didn’t have the time or energy. “Weird goddess shit.”

“Huh.”

“Anyway, yeah, I need to practice with this thing, so if you guys could take this next one,” he sputtered, and even with everything going on it felt like a pretty lame excuse not to confront the one person he still hadn’t forgiven by any means but whatev, “I’d super appreciate it. Last time it fuckin’ blinded me with all the shit at once, so I don’t ‘xactly feel like showin’ up to Lucy’s pad like this.”

At this, Lup tensed. “You… ...you gonna be okay? Handling that by yourself? While we’re gone?”

Taako knew from his sister’s tone that he really shouldn’t have, but he laughed. Bitterly. Loudly. Almost hysterically. “I mean, pro’ly not, if you want my honest assessment, but that’s just ‘cuz there’s no way for me to be okay right now. I can’t--I can’t be--uh, not right now, but. Whatever. I’m not  _ terrible, _ so. Go get some shit done, puh-lease and thank you.”

When Lup put a hand on his shoulder, he flinched. “Barry can go,” she decided, “I’ll stay. And make sure you don’t go mad with Fate or something.”

Something about her concern just made him feel even worse and more anxious. “It’s a damn  _ hat, _ Lulu. I’ll be fine. But okay, sure. If you really need to stay with me, send your boy out to the moonbase. I don’t care who does shit as long as it gets done, thanks.” He didn’t say it, obvi; it was barely detectable from his irritable tone, but he knew Lup picked up on how much he  _ needed _ her right then, and that was what mattered.

“You heard the man, Bluejeans,” she smiled and gave him a kiss. “Scram.”

“You got it,” Barry smiled, and they both looked so lovesick.

That didn’t have to hurt Taako in any way. Because Krav was gonna be fine.

When he left, it was Practice Time. Which meant that he had to take a deep breath and ready his psyche to be assaulted again, only this time, as everything flooded his mind all at once, he tried to hold his ground. Lup kept hold of his hand to ground him, which helped, although he kinda hoped he wasn’t crushing her hand or anything. “Not  _ this _ time, motherfucker,” he said through gritted teeth, “we’re gonna get  _ familiar. _ Show me the prime material plane. This is the most  _ basic _ shit.”

He felt Lup; he couldn’t see her. He watched a million versions of himself just reflected and refracted back at him and it almost made him sick, but--but no, he had a demand. “Hey, if you wanna do this the hard way fine, but I ain’t goin’ anywhere, pal. Prime material plane, Alexandrite required? Chop fuckin’ chop, my dude.”

“You’re doing so good, Taaks,” Lup’s voice said from somewhere.

And then there were all these timelines involving  _ her, _ and all these different ways she’d died and loved and lived and laughed and maybe  _ she _ was the one to get kidnapped, maybe it was her who’d stayed behind and got taken. And Taako’s breath left, and his heart dropped straight down into his stomach before it almost fluttered and died, and he could see her thread so red and vibrant like a flame, like a flare, like an emergency flare before it went out, and he could--

“Not again,” he mumbled, and he wasn’t looking too good he guessed because Lup’s grip tightened on him and then she caught him, warm against him and steady and there and  _ real _ and it kept him from spiraling, kept him from going too far against what was going on now. “Lulu, are you--are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Taaks,” she reassured him, still holding him up. “‘S’okay. You need a break?”

He didn’t dare take one, not yet. “No, I’m… ...I’m good,” he managed, as he watched a reality where  _ he _ got taken and she was doing some kind of Raven Queen shit instead of this to get him back. “I’m… ...I’m cool, just gotta keep in mind that all of this is potential.”

“It’s okay to need a break.”

“No, it isn’t,” he tried, and suddenly all he could think about was Kravitz. Kravitz flooded his mind and so flooded the rest, all of these different fates and not-fates colliding and bouncing off each other and borrowing from each other and dying and living and in some of them he looked so  _ happy _ and in other ones he looked so  _ hurt _ and all of them were the worst. It kept him going, though, had to. Had to remind him that he could endure all this for him, for the sake of getting him back. “Not now. No one takes one of those ‘til we find him.”

“Taako--”

“ _ No one, _ ” he tried. “We check every single goddamn closet. Bound to be a skeleton somewhere.”

She didn’t say anything else, just held onto him.

Which was good, because when it started to show a million different versions of Taako and Kravitz  _ together, _ he had to ask it to stop, and then spit venom at it until it did so, until all the visions finally faded and left Taako Kravitzless, left him scared and lost but never alone, not anymore. It was a lot to take in, honestly, but he only came away from it with more resolve. “You cool with being my eyes for a little while? I mean, my uh, this world eyes.”

“You  _ know _ I am, T.”

“Good. This might…” He was going to finish the sentence. 

He didn’t want to.

“It looks better on you than usual,” Lup remarked, trying to take some of the tension away.

“Gee, thanks, Lu.”

Taako didn’t laugh, but he smiled a little. The hat did prove, at least, that they could and had in some way gotten through most things together. That was good enough for now, he decided, and he spent the rest of the time waiting for everyone by stress-baking with her even though he wasn’t hungry.

At least it was something to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was inspired today, so here's more!! woo. i just saw an awesome concert last night and i'm recovering from emergency surgery (all is well, just cysts & their removal + part of my tube) so i've been p tired but i got HIT W INSPIRATION. hopefully this is ok. <3 thank u sm for reading and caring u guys. ur the best.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emetophobia tw for this chapter, lalala

After breakfast, the Captor had a surprise for him.

It was unsettling; Kravitz didn’t perceive that it had been long enough for him to acclimate to this way of living, and yet it was easiest just to turn his mind off to get through whatever the next horror was. Not thinking and merely doing allowed him to seem serene enough so as not to provoke the person holding him there, and hopefully if he proved compliant enough they would let themselves slip up and he would find a means of escape. He tried, even as he numbly and obediently went where they directed him to go, to see if he could spot anything on the ground and had yet to make any logical sense of his surroundings beyond basic things. Piano. Candles. Music books.

Beyond that? The edge of the world. Fog. Mist. Nothing in particular.

(Most likely an illusion, he noted to himself.)

So even as he walked beyond what he knew was there, and felt something underneath him almost trying to process his footsteps, almost creating ground as he touched upon it, he couldn’t see any way out. The world was too limited; he’d fall right off the edge, and maybe if he got desperate enough--but not yet, because he had to make it home. Not yet because if this thing had the ability to somehow resurrect him, what would be the point in a gesture like that, and not yet because frankly he didn’t know for certain what would happen to him. _She_ had been what had happened to him, all those years ago, the end of the line. He didn’t know what else… ...happened. Nothing else was _supposed_ to happen, so.

For now, okay, fine. He located the bookcase.

“This is my _personal_ collection,” the Voice trilled, following him as loyally as ever. “I do hope you enjoy it. For now, I’m afraid, you’ll be limited to one book of my choosing a day. An attempt to branch out beyond what I say you can read is ill-advised. Is this understood?”

“Of course,” he told it with a stoic face, trying to read the title of any book except the one that was sticking out like a sore thumb and begging to be read. In the moment, however, the rest of the words seem to blur together as though they didn’t make any real comprehensible sense, as though out of focus and out of step with the rest of the world. Looking at it for too long almost caused a headache to begin to form, and then it blossomed the second he reached outside of what was acceptable into a migraine, and that grew into pain all _over,_ pain he hadn’t experienced since--he _buckled._

“I will ask again,” the Voice rang clear over the pain as one of the only things that made sense. “Is this understood, Kravitz?”

He couldn’t think; his entire body was on fire in a way it hadn’t been in too long, in a way that nagged at the tip of his brain as if to be familiar but wasn’t quite. He found it hard to speak then, so crippled by this sensation that all he could do was weakly nod his head, and--ah, yes. _There_ were the tears, hot and angry and begging for anything within his control to manifest itself, and the wings were back out to shield him. He couldn’t think beyond make it _stop_ do whatever you have to, just _stop_ it, my god. He missed his mother; he might have choked out her name. Mother, Queen -- the function was the same. The Reaper must have seemed pathetic, because that was when the pain released its hold on him, and he felt so many old and new sensations flooding him as a result that this was the first time he felt truly desperate, made stupid with the need and instinct to take flight, and this was when he started to _run._ The floor cobbled itself together underneath him hastily, as though it couldn’t quite keep track of the way he ran and then zig-zagged like a desperate hare, trying to locate the real edge of the world, trying to summon a scythe that wouldn’t come and pray for a Queen who wasn’t listening. This carried him until the _new Voice_ rang throughout his body in a way that usually only Hers could manage to do.

You ungrateful swine--

\-- **_Stop._ **

_No no no no no no please don’t stop please don’t stop please don’t--_

Kravitz stopped. The floor stopped forming with him.

He might have been trembling; it was impossible to tell at the moment because he was sick with fear. But he stood still, had no choice but to stand still, and he felt the same gaze on him but this time there was no smile to be felt. This time, the sun itself was extinguished; the warmth was gone, leaving something cold in its displeasure with him and irritated. It made him feel even worse, but he was careful to stand upright. “Kravitz, I want you to know that I’m not angry,” it told him, “merely disappointed. I thought we had an understanding about Enchantment. Were you _lying_ to me?”

This time, it took him several moments to answer. He bit his lip so hard he tasted blood, and then _started_ because he was tasting _blood,_ fresh newly made blood his body shouldn’t have been able to manufacture and it was nothing to him except a point of raw terror. Still, he found that his facial features were incredibly smoothed over; his voice didn’t even feel a part of him as he choked out the words. “Of course not. I felt pain and I panicked, but that was my fault. I should have read what you wanted.”

Not true, not true, not true. His mind tried to hold onto that bit of defiance. No one had the right to hurt him over a book.

Right?

“Yes,” it sighed nonetheless, aching and groaning like a settling house, “you should have. But it’s too late for that, isn’t it? I know this is so hard. You’ve spent so much time among those who would have you literally work yourself to death, who would stifle such creative genius. They haven’t appreciated you at all out there, and that is far from your fault. But it… ...disheartens me that I would have to manipulate you so. Perhaps after enough time these things won’t be necessary, ah?”

“Please,” he found himself stammering without thinking about it, legs turning to pathetic jelly and voice faltering just for a moment, “please, no more. I--I made some mistakes, but I promise I won’t do them again; I promise I’ll--I’ll be good, please don’t--”

It sighed. Kravitz could swear he felt the breath on the nape of his neck, hot and old and dissatisfied and _angry._ It shot goosepimples up the whole of him, another feeling that he hadn’t experienced in such a long time, and he tried his best not to shiver too badly. “Trust is a sacred thing, Kravitz, especially between us.” Whatever held him prisoner spoke this word as an absolute truth, as though it were talking about the color of the sky or the grass. It was pretty abhorrent. “Every time you violate it, you _wound_ me, do you understand? I am only doing my best to make you _happy._ What would make you happy?”

“Home,” the word slipped out before he could think about it. “Home, home, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want--”

“Quiet now. Shh… This is your home now, little one.” It spoke to him as though he were a child, scared and lost and confused; he felt as though he _were_ one, just for a moment. He understood how small he was, how insignificant, how big even a world so carefully contained and proofed could be in comparison to himself, and he believed what was being fed to him. A child being soothed, being unreasonable, being irrational; he was nothing more than this. “I know, I know it will take some time. I am patient. Please bear with me in the meantime, hm?”

The wings were out now, and this time he hadn’t done it on purpose. They were trying to shield him, shield him from how weak he was made to feel, how alone and small and frightened. “I’ll do anything you want,”  he tried, “I’ll--the Queen is very powerful. I can make you deathless; I can bring anyone you want back to life; I can--I can--we’re not short on money and if this is a ransom situation, if you want cash--”

“Little bird,” it spoke, hushing him gently, “how little you understand. Wouldn’t it be so nice to feel taken care of, to relax?” He wasn’t going to fall for any words like that again, even as he shook and his apathetic mask was crumbling into pieces and bits. “Wouldn’t you like to feel treasured and looked after? Yes, that’s it. It’s become clear to me now what must be done.”

Ray of Sickness, then.

Which meant he was… ... _violently_ ill. The wings retracted; his whole body shook with fever. The entire world tilted and became more unreal than it had seemed even before, and he was so cold, dripping with sweat and exhaustion. It had been so long--it had been _too long._ The nausea was next to hit him, so intense and familiar that he got sick immediately all over himself, and he curled up on the floor that was made with his touch and he whimpered. He felt dizzied and disastrous, and he was begging in some distant way for it to end.

Out of the fog all around, there was a familiar face, a lovely sight.

“Taako,” he tried. He almost wept with joy then, trying to crawl near him though his body was so weak. There the love of his life stood, against all logic and reason, as beautiful as Kravitz remembered him being. It smelled like Taako, it felt like Taako, and it bent down to address him and cradled him like Taako, and he was too weak now to resist it. “Please help me, Taako. Please help me. I’ve never felt so awful, I--don’t know what to do, I--”

“Shh. I’ve got you,” Taako told him. “Let’s just get you tucked in bed for a nice rest.”

This was not a Taako thing to say.

It dawned on him slower than it might have, but it was still so _true_ and he hated it so entirely. “No,” Kravitz tried, “no, no. No… ...no, _no…_ ...no, it’s not Taako, no… ...no, _no…_ ...no, it’s not Taako, _no,_ please let me go, please let me go, please--”

“Once you’ve been dependent long enough,” said Taako in a tone that had never been his, would never be his because it was too formal, like a bad actor with his exact voice was inhabiting the space under his skin, “it’ll be all right, won’t it? You’ll understand, then, how good it is to just give in. You’ll know that I have your own interests at heart. After all, doesn’t seeing him make you happy?”

Kravitz moaned, trying to thrash to no avail.

“The sooner you release control,” it told him using Taako’s voice, “the better it will be. I will nurse you back to health and you will be grateful as you should be, happy just to be alive. Rest now.”

“Please, please, I’ll be so good, please--”

“Hush now.”

As soon as Taako placed him in bed, he succumbed.

None of what happened after that mattered very much. The fever dreams were still pleasant, just nonsensical and riddled with the love of his afterlife. The fever itself was wholly unpleasant, causing him several times to forget what language to speak and speak in odd tongues he hadn’t been able to even fathom in centuries; he sat up occasionally, and what pretended to be Taako would pet his hair, would hold him close, would soothe him and feed him a hollow imitation of soup, and after enough time of this it was easier to just believe that Taako was tending to him than to know the truth.

“You’re so beautiful,” he told his love while delirious with fever.

“Natch,” it said, too convincingly. “Now can I make you happy?”

“I think so,” he tried to believe. “Yes. Make me happy.”

And Taako melted away to reveal the hollowness of him, the nothing underneath that Kravitz had known on some level was there. “It would be my pleasure,” it said, as though it hadn’t murdered the likeness of Taako right in front of its houseguest. “How would you like a lullaby, Kravitz? Does that sound nice?”

Nothing was real; he couldn’t care about it.

“Fine,” he murmured, eyelids already heavy in a way he’d forgotten.

“Very good,” it said.

Perhaps it was just the fever, but Kravitz nearly imagined the piano was playing by itself, candles around it all hazy and fuzzy. They were down below and he was up above, but the music soothed him in a way he knew to recognize. He let it play and soothe him, though; he was done experimenting with rebellion for now, and frankly didn’t see a way out anyway. His eyes grew heavier; his body was already so heavy. It was easier for now just to give in, just to let it take care of him. That’s what it had said, after all; it didn’t want to harm him, it wanted to help. Maybe that… ...counted. Maybe he’d… ...earned it, really earned it, the rest.

When he slept this time, fitfully, he dreamed vaguely of a home and a space he hadn’t occupied in years. He dreamed of people he didn’t know, but who all knew him; he dreamed of always, always sitting upright. He dreamed of times at the piano, of endless practice, various tunes fluttering in and out of his ear and bringing serenity with them. He dreamed of being so much younger somehow, and then--then water on all sides, and then--then--

Kravitz woke up gasping.

Everything was dark again.

This time, he was hot; he was sweating, hotter than he’d remembered being in so long. And yet still he knew he was not alone; Taako’s hand pressed a cold washcloth to his forehead, clucking and humming and taking such good care of him. He’d be hard-pressed to find anything he hated more than this right at the moment, the elf’s voice humming little sing-songs he’d never heard before and crooning things like, “yes, that’s it, just take it easy.” There was something decidedly not Taako about everything, from the way it carried itself using his skin to the way it spoke to the way it moved the cloth, too unfunny and solemn to be anything real. It was the cruelest punishment he could imagine.

What had started this, he wondered? Books? He thought it was books.

“I’m sorry,” he tried, pathetic and far away. Everything was on fire.

“I know,” it reassured him. “I know you are, Kravitz. It’s okay. Open up.”

He had no choice but to open his mouth as it fed him some syrupy liquid, not sweet enough, and he winced at the comforting way it burned as it went down. “Just don’t drag him into this,” he found himself begging, still profoundly out of it. “Please, you don’t have to--just leave him alone, that’s all.”

“Very good,” it praised him as he swallowed the syrup. “That’s better. We can discuss him later if you’d really like. I just thought this was what you wanted, to see him, but if it displeases you in any way then--”

“Fine,” he blurted out without permission from himself, “no. It’s fine. Don’t… ...don’t stop.”

This was the worst thing so far. It arched Taako’s eyebrow at him, pausing in dabbing the washcloth against Kravitz’s forehead, before ultimately setting the cloth aside and giving his hand a small squeeze, something wrong in ways that he wouldn’t be able to properly articulate and explain because this was--this was imitation Taako, not the real thing. And his love would be so scandalized, would insist that he couldn't be imitated, sincerest form of flattery and all Kravvy but no thanks, but he… ...he hated it, but it _looked_ like love. It _looked_ like home, which for now was good enough, had to be. It was familiar and he found himself unwilling to part with it just yet.

“Whatever you say, my man,” it said coolly. Wrong and not… ...not anything. But. “If this is what you need for now, then this is how we will do things. Try not to be so hard on yourself; this would be difficult for anyone.”

Being kidnapped? Held prisoner? Forced to deal with something wearing his love’s skin? Feeling like shit because it wanted him to rely on it? It could’ve meant anything, and the tone was sympathetic, but even in the haze it was becoming easy for the cracks in even his own calm and collected facade to show and show blatantly. All he’d had to hold onto had been a shred of professionalism, of dignity, and now it was stripped away almost literally as something like Taako propped him up.

“What’re you doing,” he asked, trying not to sound exasperated. He just sounded exhausted instead.

“Getting these clothes off you,” it tutted, clicking its tongue. “They’re soiled with sick and sweat, look at this… Let’s get you into something nice and clean.”

He had to allow it to happen. The pajamas it afforded him were nice and loose, anyway, cool and clean and comfortable as anything. He was afraid to let it see him this vulnerable, but giving in and sighing and allowing it to think for him and fluff the pillow and let him lean back was… ...wasn’t so bad, in the end. He didn’t know how long it had been; he imagined Taako was looking frantically for him, along with Lup and Barry and the Queen and everyone else, but he had no reference for time in this place.

It was fine. On the clock still. Posh British accent felt strange in the throes of fever. “I feel much better now, thank you,” he tried to sit up, ignoring the way the world moved underneath him. “This was very kind.”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Taako’s voice chided him, pressing a delicate finger to his lips. “Not yet. Not until you’re well. Which should be about… ...now!” And just on cue, the sickness vanished. He felt normal, fine even, and he tested it out by getting up from the bed and finding the fever to be mysteriously absent. “Oh, I’m so glad we pulled through that unpleasantness. I do hope there’s no more of it in the future. Are we understood?”

“Certainly,” Kravitz answered without thought. “We should have no problems at all.”

Something inside him wanted to break; he smothered and fought it back, smiling.

 _And if you ever try to bring him here, I swear on my_ **_life,_ ** _I will do anything I have to--_

No. He was pleasant; he was an even keel. He was thoughts not catching up with feelings on purpose, elegant and composed. He was not here now, this wasn’t happening. Home stretch, because it wouldn’t take long for them to find him. They’d saved the whole fucking universe; they could save him.

Time, patience, reading books that weren’t his.

That was all. He could handle it.

 

* * *

 

Barry wasn’t sure he could handle this.

No, that wasn’t exactly fair. This wasn’t his crisis, and it wasn’t his to get this beyond upset about, which is exactly what he told himself over and over on the way to see Lucretia. It was kinda dumb that he had to even tell himself things like that in the first place, felt self-centered and wrong, but there--there was something about it still, wasn’t there. And he didn’t need to talk about it; he didn’t need to, not until things were better. But it haunted him nonetheless, to see the desperation on Taako’s face, to know it in his voice even when he wanted to keep it bottled up.

Because he _remembered_ that desperation. He _remembered_ the feelings, raw and terrified and hurting and praying constantly for her to _please, come home,_ and to please come home in one piece. Gods did he ever remember the long nights, the times spent with Taako trying to locate her based on swaths of black glass, playing the note and his last moments with her over and over in his head. He still had nightmares about it, sometimes; Lup knew because sometimes she’d have to soothe him, especially when he was terrified of the forgetting. She knew and they dealt with it, because that’s what they always did, so it was stupid for it to resurface because of… ...this.

But he… ...ugh. Part of him was relieved they sent him away, just so he could compose himself. Being a lich meant having a handle on your emotions, meant not being consumed because that was almost too easy for someone like you. The deep end was always just a bad mood away, and he’d gotten too much of a taste of that place within himself for comfort. It was a relief to be able to take deep breaths and compose himself on the way, and she was relieved to see him because he and Lup had a pretty strict “it-wasn’t-Lucretia’s-fault-and-we-don’t-blame-her-for-this” policy.

That relief faded as soon as Barry told her about Kravitz, voice trembling. She knew they didn’t have the time or luxury to sit and debate for too long, but he could tell she felt like she couldn’t do much from the way she averted her gaze. He wished Lup were here to deal with that part; she always had a way of convincing people of their worth no matter what. But in the end, she let others know of the current situation so they could have more eyes and ears and eagerly joined the search party because she’d never abandon her family.

The tension was almost _tangible_ when they all finally united, though.

Barry felt sorry for her, especially now.

“Taako,” she’d tried, “I’m so sorry that--”

“Don’t.”

They watched the way that Taako couldn’t even jerk his head toward the source of her voice, eyes far away. It was just the hat, but it was unsettling and he had to feel for the guy too, because it was so much to juggle. Even as he had access to so much shit all at once, the elf wasn’t above his lips curling into a snarl.

“Okay,” she agreed softly.

Davenport had more reason to feel bitter than anyone there, probably, but you’d never know it. Just looking at him made everyone feel better, because no matter what shit was going down, he was still their captain; he still had guided them through countless piles of shit and nonsense, and he was still determined to make sure everyone was okay at the end of the day. He was composed; he was trying his hardest, and Barry definitely appreciated it. “It’s pretty safe to say that stuff is complicated for us right now, gang,” he began with the air of authority they’d all come to recognize, “but we can’t lose our heads. We’re going to work closely and we’re going to bring Kravitz home, okay?”

“Absolutely,” Merle was the first to agree, naturally. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

Cap’n looked like he appreciated that, at least. “Yeah. Taako, are you having any luck with… ..anything yet? Hatwise, I mean.”

“Kinda,” Taako muttered, eyes still staring right through everything. “I got it to show me a few planes, at least. Dunno why this thing has to be so _complicated,_ like shit isn’t janked to high hell enough without the world’s worst piece of clothing giving me like nine different headaches in a jillion different timelines, but whatever.” Dismissive sarcasm, rooted in enough truth that Lup was there to rub his shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” she reassured him, “you got this, T. We _know_ it. Right, everybody?”

No one disagreed.

That was the one thing that was good about their weird space family. Everyone was there for each other no matter what was going on, and right then Barry felt all the love for all of them in the world, believed in them to set out to accomplish what they needed to do. This wasn’t all those years ago on the Starblaster, scared and alone and confused. He was someone now who’d fought the Hunger and _won,_ who had his wife back by his side, who’d earned a happy ending. Goddamnit, they all had, and they were going to take it back by any means necessary.

He felt pretty okay about it until the next words to come out of Taako’s mouth reached him.

“One more to go,” Taako admitted, voice far away as his eyes. “We gotta tell Angus.”

Well, no one was looking forward to that one.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man idk i keep getting inspiration for this thing even tho!! i should still b sleeping LMAO OH WELL. DAY IN THE LIFE AMIRITE FELLAS. WINKS.
> 
> um. thank u 4 bein so supportive n wonderful u guys. <3 i don't always feel great about stuff i write, and starting new projects is rly hard 'cuz you don't rly know who's going to... like them?? um. so i hope i'm doing okay w this thing. every nice gesture means a lot. big thumbs up. i'll respond 2 all the comments when i have energy ;A;


	6. Chapter 5

They were right not to look forward to it, which sucked.

Hell, everything about this entire situation just blew chunks, but chewing on that particular factoid wasn’t doing Taako any favors. He’d decided that while he was breaking the news to the kid, he’d have to ditch the Weird Spooky Hat of Destiny he’d been given as the World’s Worst and Earliest Candlenights Gift, because if it didn’t wig Angus out then it was bound to intrigue him too much, and either way Taako didn’t feel like fielding a million questions or handling his concern.

He  _ liked _ the kid, okay. Being nice to him was kinda one of the only good things Taako had going for him right now, and it wasn’t so bad to teach him the magical ropes every now and then and watch him grow and learn and get excited over the same tacky argyle sweater vests and a variety of nerd things every five seconds. But he wasn’t good with… ...delicate situations, and he wasn’t ready to face the look that Angus might have on his face, and maybe he even liked the little gremlin too much to tell him that--to break the news that--to let him know that--

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it,” Angus said the instant everyone found him in his room on the moonbase. “I can tell.”

Well, so much for that. Everyone sat in stunned silence.

“I’m a little boy,” he elaborated, pushing his glasses up on his nose, “not a dumbass! Judging from the way Mister Bluejeans here approached Miss Lucretia earlier, and how quick she was to take the missuses Fangbattle aside in response, um, it was  _ pretty _ easy to deduce. So what’s happening? Is it anything  _ I _ can help with?”

Fuck. Taako couldn’t actually stomach the way the kid’s eyes just lit up like he was about to solve some ordinary mystery about some mightily fucked up magic bullshit. Like he could actually locate Kravitz any better than his mentor could, even armed with creepily fashionable magical means. It was a good thing he was wearing sunglasses; it made it easier to conceal however he might  _ actually _ feel about this shit (which honestly, he didn’t want to know what it was yet and he wasn’t checking in on himself for that reason. Cool way to live).

“It may be,” Lucretia began after an incredibly uncomfortable silence. “But we feel we should tell you either way. Angus--”

Oh, no. Like  _ hell _ Lucy was gonna be the one to break the news to  _ his _ magic boy. Nu-uh. No way, no sir, fuck that noise, et cetera. “Krav’s missing,” he blurted out before she could get a word in, and his voice betrayed him royally and fucked him over by cracking. Rad.

He watched as the intrigue didn’t quite falter, but became more serious in Angus’s eyes. Oof. No kid should’ve had to look like that so young about something like this, which was a weird thought for Taako to have with his particularly choice background, but whatever. It wasn’t fair, no matter what way you sliced it. “...What? Where--where was he last seen?”

“Neverwinter,” Taako blurted out again before anyone could steal this moment from him. “Some stupid necromantic cult last seen cavorting like a bunch of edgy wannabe posers there an’ he took ‘em on by himself like an actual idiot. We… ...don’t know anything else, ‘cuz he, uh… ...he never came back? Also had a chat with a certain Goddess with a knitting problem about the whole messy affair and apparently his, like, thread is gonezo. It’s cool though. She gave me a hat!”

The enthusiasm tacked on the end there was a goof. It fell flat since literally nothing about this situation was gonna be funny no matter what spin Taako tried to put on it, and even he thought it was in poor taste. “Anyways, good talk,” he babbled awkwardly, still trying not to get too emotional about this entire thing. “Nice seeing you, Agnes, keep up with your studies ‘n’ whatnot--”

“Sir.”

“--catch you on the flip side, little man--”

“ _ Sir. _ ”

“--see you ‘round Candlenights--”

“You can’t just  _ tell _ me these things and then leave, Sir,” Angus tried, stammering his way through assertiveness, but Taako was making a deliberate point of  _ not _ looking at him. “I won’t let you."

“And why  _ not, _ ” he spat miserably, eyes darting about in search of a way out of this mess.

“Because--because I care about Mister Kravitz  _ too, _ Sir,” Angus finally managed, holding his ground. Taako could feel his severe gaze on him even without lookin’ at him, and it made him feel like shit. “Not--not the way  _ you _ do, of course, but I care about him too, and as--as not only his friend but your boy  _ and _ the World’s Greatest Detective, I have an obligation to try to figure out what happened.”

“What do  _ you _ know,” Taako tried, but his heart wasn’t in it. “You’re a pipsqueak, boychik.”

“Well, well I may be small,” he started, still stupidly defiant, “but I know what I’m doing! I have more experience with missing persons cases than any of you do, and I have more than enough reason to believe that I could be a valuable asset to the team and assist in this investigation.”

Merle leaned over and whispered at Taako, even though no one asked him anything. “Kid’s got a point, Taako. Maybe you oughta let ‘im help.”

“He  _ does _ know a lot about missing people ‘n’ stuff,” agreed Magnus.

Taako narrowed his eyes into slits so fast at both of ‘em they  _ both _ shut up, ears flattening in anger, then he heel-turned back to Angus right quick. “Sorry, kiddo. No means no. Means this isn’t Fisher-Price Baby’s First Missing Persons Case, okay? You’re not tall enough for this ride. Go back to reading your nerdy whatever.” He made a terrific show of being apathetic and turning his nose up at the boy, but he could  _ feel _ the determination radiating off of him and honestly, it was exhausting to argue against. He wasn’t even sure he could convince Ango to  _ back off, _ not now. “And that’s final.”

“You can’t stop me, Taako,” Angus dared to say, and then as Taako tried to turn to him with a raised eyebrow, “uh, sir!! Even if you don’t let me investigate with  _ you, _ you know as well as I do that I’m perfectly capable of doing it on my own. I’d rather work together, it would be less inconvenient and we could share clues and theories, but I can work alone. I’ve done it tons of times before!”

Fuck. Goddamnit. There was no way he was winning this one. He felt himself deflate like a balloon and sighed, rubbing his temples to stop the migraine forming there and adjusting his hat to obscure most of his face. “Okay, fine. But you  _ better _ be careful, you understand me? Like, more than  _ usual. _ I can’t--I can’t--” _ Lose you too? Have your blood on my elegantly manicured hands?  _ “Just swear to me. Promise me. If it gets too dangerous, you’re outtie, got it?”

“We’re on the same page, sir,” Angus told him loyally. “And um, if you don’t mind my saying so, I know how difficult this must be for you. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this; I’m sure it’s a lot. But we’re gonna find him, I promise.”

“Tch. Whatever you say, little man,” Taako shrugged, starting to walk away. He wasn’t at all surprised to hear those little footsteps following close behind, after the boy’d packed some of his belongings (several of which must’ve been incredibly heavy books). “One more rule I’m gonna need you to follow, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t freak out about the hat.”

* * *

Kravitz didn’t know how long it had been since his act of defiance.

Those weren’t relevant right now to him, not anymore. He was more concerned now with doing his best to hang on until his inevitable rescue, which he was certain was coming. If he held onto that, he told himself, then it didn’t matter what the physical circumstances were. It gave him a certain amount of internal peace, because he knew that no matter who or what this thing was, it was no match for his love and his friends. Surely even his captor knew that they’d saved the world, saved  _ multiple _ worlds, and this was a losing battle. So okay, for now he could entertain the thing. Music felt safer than the books, so he spent most of his time at the piano.

“Moonlight Sonata.” Straight as an arrow, posture and demeanor careful, emotions all but done away with so that he didn’t accidentally aggravate this person with magic. It wanted, it said, to see him in something more colorful; it gave him the option of several colorful suits, less modern than he was used to (especially since moving in with Taako), and he opted for something in a shade of blue. He wasn’t sure why. There was something about it. It was pleased with him for being so obedient, of course; it had told him several times. He was becoming used to the motions already: rise from sleep he shouldn’t need, eat breakfast he shouldn’t taste, play music and entertain until it was time for sleep and he could rise and do it all over again. Life here was like the slow tick of a metronome. Just had to learn the rules and then everything kept a steady pace.

Occasionally it would still throw him for a loop, though.

“I would so like to see you dance,” it told him one day. In Taako’s voice. Using Taako’s form.

He was becoming less alarmed by that, too, seeing and hearing Taako where there was none. Kravitz couldn’t bring himself to tell the Captor to stop, not when it was the only real grasp at familiarity and love he had in this place, and it wasn’t as though it ever tried to fool him. It was always very blatant about the fact that it wasn’t Taako, only half-heartedly mimicking turns of phrase when they felt that the Reaper might be comforted by such a thing. That almost made him feel worse for accepting it, clinging to it even, but it was better than disembodied nothing. For now.

“I’m not usually much of a dancer,” he admitted awkwardly.

“Singer?”

“Not really,” he admitted. Only Taako could ever get him to sing.

“Ah,” it said, and then, “we might have to change that.”

Things like that were horrifying to hear. “No Enchantment necessary,” he tried, a little too quickly. “If--if you really want me to, I’ll--I’ll do it.”

“Mm,” it decided, a moment of thought. Its eyes were cold and unfeeling, even as they were Taako’s exact shade. “No, I think for now I’ll wait. You may find yourself tiring of just piano sometime soon, anyway. And even if you don’t, you’re very good.”

“Thank you.” 

Truth be known, the Thing wearing Taako’s skin did have a point; he was scarcely permitted to do anything other than read or play at the piano, and it was monotonous enough when it wasn’t absolutely horrifying. Maybe one of these days he would truly crack under the pressure and start dancing or singing just to find more ways to pass the time. None of it was expressive, mind; the second he started to really connect to any form of art he was making, he knew he might lose fingers or worse. So he sat feeling nothing, thinking almost nothing, feeling hollow. Like a doll, gussied up for the pleasure of not-Taako’s watchful gaze and primped and preened, but nothing real. Yes, that was it, that was the feeling as days blended from one into the next. You couldn’t care about your own captivity if you weren’t real. You couldn’t long for the outside world if you didn’t feel it, didn’t experience it, didn’t exist except for when you got sat down at the piano to play the handful of songs afforded to you.

It would take a lot, he decided, for him to feel the need to rebel again. There was just no point to it since Taako was definitely coming, and until he got there it was boring at worst. Maybe it was a blessing not to worry so much about the workload, not to be chasing riff-raff and necromancers left and right; maybe this was a gift, a chance for him to truly fall into a normal life after his had been robbed from him by the presence of death so long ago. Maybe the Captor was being truthful.

They did, he decided, take care of him.

And maybe that was enough.

They saw that he had been dead, stripped of life and potential. Somehow they knew his dream, what he had always aspired to be and with which he wished to surround himself always, and they worked at making sure it was fulfilled at night. They asked him very many questions, most of them regarding what he liked most about  _ life, _ which was so different from anything he’d been asked in so long, and they asked him because they wished to find some way to replicate things that he’d enjoyed (although he couldn’t remember much).

After enough time, it was… ...easy.

A comfortable bed, far more spacious and fluffed up than he had ever deserved before; decent meals, almost as good as what he remembered of Taako’s cooking and anyway that was a tough act to follow; classical music following him around  _ always _ even when he wasn’t playing it, even when he was just waking up or drifting off into sleep. It was a sparse waking life, but the dream life was luxurious, and either way, they promised him better things were coming. On the whole, they addressed him pleasantly, joyfully, sometimes even softly. There were worse places he could be, for certain.

It would have been easy to dismiss this as being Charmed, but that was such a short-term thing, and the positive feelings began to last longer and longer. He  _ knew _ the feeling of being Enchanted, of them nudging him in a certain direction, well enough now to be able to tell that… ...that wasn’t going on, and some part of him probably screamed internally, but he fought that part back so much. It didn’t really matter, did it. He decided being at peace for now… ...yes, would be easier. Taako would come, and then he could let go of it, let go of being so resigned and so polite; for now, he let it all go, knowing it was out of his control.

And he felt better for it, honestly.

When he finally danced with what looked like Taako but wasn’t, it was to music that normally would’ve bored the elf anyway. He had to keep in mind, had to  _ know  _ that this wasn’t Taako; they weren’t Taako, but he still didn’t dare assign a name and a personhood to them. Which of course meant that, well, he still had his wits about him. He was reasonable, even as he allowed himself to take their hand and dance as he hadn’t since he’d been alive, and they moved with so much grace. It felt… ...nice. And it wasn’t magic. And it wasn’t being charmed. And he didn’t have to  _ hate _ it here until he got out, did he?

That would be miserable for everyone.

So he started to try to get to know them instead.

“So you aim to eliminate death,” he tried from the table one day, upright and composed.

“ _ Eliminate _ is a harsh word, Kravitz,” it told him with Taako’s tongue. “I would never aspire to anything so impractical and impossible, you  _ know _ that. If I wanted to eliminate it, I think I would have targeted  _ the Raven Queen _ and not you, don’t you?” He’d never heard Her name spoken with so much  _ vitrol _ before, and it made him slightly nervous as he watched the elven hands wielding the knife and stabbing into steak as though it were personally affronting them.

“S’pose so,” he admitted quietly. He’d started dropping the accent; he wondered when that had happened. “Why me, then? Why do  _ I _ deserve a second chance? And not… ...others?”

It laughed using Taako’s voice; he didn’t think about it. “Oh, Kravitz. You’re so modest, but I think that’s blatantly apparent--you’re  _ special. _ Too special to have died without fulfilling your real purpose. It’s not fair at all that you were lost to the world so very soon, no, and now that bird has you running around doing her errands…” It stabbed again at the steak, a little too aggressively. “Makes me  _ sick, _ frankly. You are  _ so much more _ than her pathetic errand boy. She oughtn’t have reduced you like that in the first place.”

He’d always been so… ...proud of his job, so devoted. He’d always been so loyal to his Queen, to Taako, to that world without a second thought. It was strange to try to think of it in that light, as something used. For labor? “I was always very proud of my job,” he risked.

It sneered at him. “I  _ bet _ you were! Hah. And for what! How many could have filled your exact shoes? So many souls die a day and yet that old crow managed to successfully convince you that,” it laughed hysterically, again in Taako’s voice, and something felt  _ wrong _ about it, “that you were the  _ only one _ suited to  _ do _ something like that? That you just  _ had _ to die? You’ve been gullible for so long, my raven. I aim to break that toxic hold on you.”

Something about the words, the gaze, the voice of Taako made him feel… ...bad. Not the way he  _ should _ have, though, which frankly began to frighten him a little more than any words or circumstances had ever done. As he lost his appetite so quickly, Chopin playing and attempting to soothe him, Kravitz knew there was another reason he felt afraid. Hell, it wasn’t even that he felt afraid; he fucking  _ hated _ himself for this, down to his very core, but there was no stopping or denying it.

Kravitz felt  _ ashamed. _

Without the Queen to guide him, Her existence fell apart easily, as though it had always been shoddily worked clay in his hands or sand drifting through his fingers. It was true, wasn’t it--she could have picked  _ anyone, _ could have just as easily sent Lup or Barry or a whole host of other Reapers off to do any given job he’d ever truly been assigned to do. He wasn’t ever special or uniquely qualified; he was just another cog in the machine, and it made her operation seem almost pointless when he tried to hold it under this scrutiny. “I… I thought I was doing important work,” he murmured, cheeks flushed. “But you’re right. It seems fanciful now to believe it. She… ...she didn’t have to let me do that.”

“She didn’t have to  _ make _ you do that, darling,” it drawled. It seemed to notice that Kravitz was distressed, despite the way he tried to hide it, and made its way over to his side of the table to drape itself over him and hold him close, uncomfortably so. “But don’t you worry about that now, all right? There’s no need. You won’t ever have to put yourself in those awful positions ever again. Not as long as I’m around.”

Some part of him knew, still, that he should have struggled.

But that was so  _ much. _ Would cause more sickness, broken bones, or worse. And he had a better chance of surviving this entire situation if he just… ...if he just felt comforted by a touch that felt exactly good enough. If he just didn’t allow himself to think, and let himself be led and tended to, preened and petted and praised, then all of this would go smoothly. It was okay, he decided, to not know what to think or feel; he couldn’t do either of those now, not now.

And when he felt the magic again, he didn’t worry.

“Soon She’ll be just a thought,” they soothed, picking him up with too much ease and placing him in bed. “Just a nasty dream. You believe me, don’t you?”

“Mhm,” he yawned. “Better then.”

“Oh, yes,” it reassured. “Much better then. You’ve behaved so well, lately, you know. It’s only fitting for me to reward you.”

“What can I call you, anyway?” Finally, he dared to ask.

“Just call me,” it said, soft and soothing him off to sleep, “Mockingbird.”

Maybe it was better not to miss it, not to long for what he wouldn’t have.

Peacefully, he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: does a Hit on Krav  
> krav: Actually I'm Fine Though  
> me: oh no what have i done
> 
> anyway, thank you always for being so kind and caring. <3 i definitely appreciate all the lovely comments about this so far, even if i haven't had the energy to respond to them. i read every single one and it makes my day, tbh. special thanks to CCs_World, who did some Art for this thing ;A; <3 <3 <3 love you all.


	7. Chapter 6

Naturally, the first thing Angus did was freak out over the hat. The boy detective was _beside_ himself with curiosity, but to the kid’s credit, he reeled it in when Taako began to look overwhelmed and express irritation. Everyone was still wigged by the way the elf was temporarily blinded, but it didn’t matter. He was getting better at holding his ground against the will of the hat, proving to the stupid thing that he wasn’t going anywhere, and it started to show him different planes bit by bit.

He was practicing with the thing on the way to Neverwinter. Ango was insistent that they check there first for any clues, and he might’ve been skittish about involving the little guy in the first place, but he knew his shit. Taako let him have a look around as he tried to ask the hat about Kravitz, Kravitz _now,_ the current one. Too many variables; too many Kravitzes; too many goddamn possibilities, and he wasn’t sure what to think of most of them.

“No signs of struggle,” Angus’s voice came from somewhere, “or… ...any activity at all, honestly. Are you sure this was the place?”

“Yup,” Barry’s voice confirmed. “This was it.”

“We left him about _here,_ ” Lup said next. Taako couldn’t see what they were talking about. “He… ...I mean, he seemed okay, right? We definitely wouldn’t have left him if we knew he’d-- _ugh. Fuck_ this whole thing. What if…” Her voice got low and soft in a way that Taako knew to recognize; he knew what it sounded like when Lulu felt guilty, when she was regretting things beyond her control or replaying some mistake in her head.

“‘S not your fault, Lu,” he murmured, still distracted by the hat and hoping he came across as somewhat sincere to her. “‘Sides, I have a feeling that if all three of you went up against this piece of shit, I’d be out _three_ Reapers I care about too much, and that’d be sorta lame. No point in regret, right?” The words felt inconvenient and saccharine like a candy apple coating; he could break against the fact, wallowing in regret and things unsaid and undone and even the stupidity of being half asleep when Kravitz left for work, that he didn’t even get a good _look_ at him before--

She squeezed his hand. “You’re right, Taaks. You keep that in mind too, okay? I don’t want you blaming yourself for this.”

‘Course she could read him like a book. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Lulu.”

It helped.

“Well,” Angus’s voice piped up, trying his best to help also, “I think next we oughta ask the locals and see if anyone saw anything, or anyone of his description. There’s not really much by way of physical evidence right now, but all that means is whoever’s doing this is good at covering up their tracks. I did find this, though. Maybe you’d like to hold onto it, Sir.”

This was enough to get Taako to stop murmuring to himself and searching through different planes to try to shut the many Eyes the hat had and allow his own to adjust to the sight of what was right in front of him. It was disorienting at first, watching as all these different possibilities and planes shut down and became less real and trying to adjust to the present, but he steadied himself when he noticed Angus with his palm extended, a black feather in his hand. Proof that Kravitz _had_ been there, at least. Which… ...almost made it real in a way that Taako was _so_ not into, almost let the situation sink in, but either way he found himself taking the thing delicately into his own hands, even though it was just a stupid feather, and sticking it on the brim of his hat. “Thanks, kiddo,” he muttered.

Briefly, he wondered if he could transmute it into some kind of stone that he could use as another eye, tuned into Krav’s presence alone. Would that even work? Would it just wind up showing him the Raven Queen and her domain, the astral plane, the Eternal Stockade? He didn’t know, but he figured it was worth a shot, willing the feather into a smooth stone, a black pupil, hoping that between this and his fancy new threads he had a shot at figuring out where Krav was.

“Uh… ...Angus, go get on that,” Davenport demanded.

“Is Taako okay?”

“He’s fine. Lucretia, you go with him.”

Taako heard them go, footsteps hurried as what seemed like Lucretia pulled the boy along. Lup’s hand found him next, squeezing tight. “Uh, you doin’ okay there, bro?”

“Tryin’ somethin’ new,” he murmured, not able to see jackshit yet. “Why?”

“Your eyes look… ... _mad_ freaky,” she told him, sounding more uncertain than he wanted her to.

“That’s nothin’ new with this thing, right?”

“Oh, _no,_ Taako,” Magnus protested, “they’re like… ...all black.”

“Just _pupils,_ ” Barry murmured in fascination.

“Huh,” Merle hummed with everyone else, “how about that. What d’you see?”

Taako was currently in the middle of trying to figure that out, keeping hold on Lulu’s hand (he could tell she was scared; she was nearly squeezing the life out of it) to keep him grounded. “Not much yet,” he admitted, staring out at inky black nothing. “If this _is_ showing me anything, someone _really_ doesn’t want me peekin’. Which is just too goddamn bad, ‘cuz I didn’t want them to birdnap my boyfriend, but here we are! Show me _Kravitz,_ goddamnit.”

Nothing.

It continued to show him nothing in particular, to his frustration, for a very long time. This time, though, Taako was unwilling to give up; he kept the thing on, determined to show it and everyone else that he wasn’t fucking going _anywhere._ He wasn’t going to give up, even if it meant forsaking things like food and rest in the process. Lup, in particular, objected to this, but he didn’t care, waving her off every time she tried to bring him so much as a piece of bread. Angus fretted over him, as did Magnus, but both of them cared too much about people anyway. Davenport and Merle had wise words to say, but he couldn’t focus on any of them, and he wouldn’t let Lucretia anywhere near him just yet. Barry was just awkward and uncomfortable, sad. He was thankful for their help; he was _less_ thankful for the nagging, even though he tried to allow everyone _else_ the things he wouldn’t give himself.

Two days without proper meditation or sleep and nothing was working out particularly well. He’d been sending his ragtag crew across planes, across dimensions, on all manner of stupid errands and nothing had turned up and no one had seen anything. He was _this_ close to wrenching the hat off of his domepiece and throwing it straight in the trash where it belonged when… ...he started to make something out. In the darkness, something began to Resonate with every fiber within him (and _on_ him; the clothes were riddled with Krav’s essence, after all).

Taako paid attention.

The figure was… ...blurry, especially at first. A mess and mass of blue and dark color, indistinct and confusing and stupid as anything this hat had supplied him since he got it from Istus. But he tried to hone in on it, murmuring things under his breath, concentrating even though he didn’t quite know or understand what the subject of the concentration was. Gritted teeth, sweat on his brow, ears perked straight up as he sat alert and waiting, watching for anything that could identify this thing that moved occasionally. The more time he spent with the confusing shitty watercolor of an image, the more time he got to know it, to _know_ he was seeing Kravitz, until finally he got to really see him.

Dressed in some super old-fashioned tacky blue getup, not at all as unkempt as you’d expect someone kidnapped to be. What was even more confusing was that Taako could almost make out a smile, a look of devotion, of quiet love on his face. He didn’t speak much, only sitting at a piano and playing like he was born to do it, and he looked… ...peaceful. But there was, he thought, something different in the eyes. There was something Taako hadn’t really seen there before, a sort of disconnect, a dreamy sort of look and something… ...young? He only really noticed because usually, it was practically _obvi_ that Kravitz was supes old. It was like, a given that the Grim Reaper himself would be a bajillion, and so sometimes he seemed so tired and old even beyond Taako’s elven understanding, natch. Whatev.

But this Kravitz that he saw… ...seemed so young. Innocent. Listening attentively to something, that was for sure. Getting feedback from something out of Taako’s sight and then straightening up, rigid and obedient.

It wasn’t… ...right. It made no sense.

But he wept right then because he couldn’t tell the location. He didn’t know what he was looking at. But it was Kravitz, for defsies. It was his man and he was still around _somewhere,_ capable of being spied on and so hopefully capable of being found. When he came back to this plane, the sight right in front of him, everyone was crowded around him. Everyone was alarmed because tears were _streaming_ down his goddamn face, but he didn’t even have the room in him to care. “I _saw_ ‘im,” he managed, “I _saw_ ‘im and I still have no idea where he is, fuck me, but he’s _out there_ and I can _find_ him and I _saw_ him!! We have to get out there ‘n’--” He tried to stand up in one fluid motion and legit blacked out, coming to again with the support of Lulu and Mags.

“Whoa, hey,” Mags was saying, “hang on there, tiger. You should probably rest first.”

“ _Probably?_ Rest is super overdue at this point. Good job, broseph. Proud of you. Now it’s time to take care of yourself, ‘kay?”  Lup had that gentle tone on, that tone she got when she didn’t _mean_ to be condescending but she was, like, _totally_ being condescending and it sucked major ass. Everyone was treating him like he was so _delicate_ since this shit, like it was some miracle he hadn’t just fallen to pieces, and it was bullshit. So he tried to shake her off, only for his knees to start to buckle again, and she kept him upright.

“Urgh,” he groaned and realized he didn’t have the energy for much else. “No. Fuck this. Gotta go get Kravvy. Can’ let him… ...stay there.”

Lulu was supporting most of his weight now, as she’d always been able to ever since they were kids, and she was guiding him to his bedroom. To his _bed._ To the same bed he shared with Kravitz and goddamnit, that hurt, that wasn’t _fair,_ but he didn’t know how to vocalize it properly. “And you will, Taaks,” she reassured him, setting him down in the bed with Magnus and removing the hat and his shoes, smoothing his hair back a little. “You’re gonna find ‘im, I promise. I can’t lie to my goddess about that kinda shit, you know that. But you gotta rest first.”

His eyes were already so heavy, fuck. “But--”

“No ‘buts,’” she told him firmly. “Just sleep.”

She was winning. His body knew it, and his eyes were already closed. “Okay, well. Well, um. Can you at least… ...stay with me? ‘S… …’s lonely.”

He heard her tone soften even more. “Um, yeah, no duh. I mean, of course I can. I’d never leave you alone if I could help it, Taaks.”

“‘nks, Lulu.” He yawned. Daisy was up at his side again, nuzzling him and purring. “Jus’ a quick nap, then. Like, barely anything. Then… ...then we figure out where to search. I can’t give up on him.”

“You haven’t,” she reassured him. “You _won’t._ None of us will, okay? And that’s a promise.”

“Twin promise?”

“That’s made up bullshit, but yeah. For sure. Twin promise.”

“Mmkay, then.”

With that out of the way, Taako could allow himself to rest for the first time in days.

If anyone were to ask him, Taako probably would’ve said that he expected his dreams to go a typical night terror route. If he had those on the reg even when nothing particularly traumatic was going on, it was pretty reasonable to expect his subconscious to be nightmare central with all _this_ happening. Crying out for Kravitz in the night, screaming and thrashing, maybe even reliving the disappearance of his twin sis ‘cuz gods knew that shit stuck with him.

Instead, he was in Refuge.

Weird. Granted, his right hand homie Ren was from there, so maybe his brain had just picked up on that without meaning to; he’d had to ask her to please take care of a lot of business shit while he put all of his focus into finding the love of his life, and she’d handled it greatly and gracefully as always. She’d also suggested some kind of press conference, that maybe being public about this current issue would enable fans to come forward or see something or say something, but. Taako _highly doubted_ that anyone who knew him or recognized him from the Story and Song would’ve dared to fuck with him or the people he loved like this. It was still possible, though, that he found himself there because of his brief back and forths with her over the past little while.

That probably wasn’t it, though, ‘cuz he somehow found his way to Paloma. It wasn’t some dreamy dream bullshit, either; wasn’t anything that was obviously not reality. Hadn’t even thought of that awesome old crone much in a while, but her pad looked just like he’d left it. He could practically smell the baked goods, feel the energy in the air, and he noticed again those crystal teardrops.

“Okay, well,” he observed as things got dark suddenly, “this seems like some important stuff, huh?”

“Taako,” the oldest woman he’d ever seen intoned from across the table, adjusting her glasses, “I do not know quite how to put this, but: no shit.”

“Dream-sharing,” Taako murmured. “Dunno if I’ve ever experienced that before.”

“Yes, well,” Paloma said from across the table, “I’m pretty old, you know? So dinner is at about four PM and then I am in bed and dreaming by like, seven.”

“That tracks.”

“Yeah, I am not really a night person, you know how it is,” she said casually. “Anyway, this situation is sort of ideal for you I think. I’m not charging you for this one because well, first of all, you saved us all a little bit ago and secondly, I do not know that dream currency is… ...something I can use. So let’s just get this over with. Small or big prophecy?”

God, he appreciated this woman. Right to brass tax. “I’ll take whatever at this point, honestly? Shit’s pretty fucked right now.”

She nodded wisely, though whether she seemed wise because of her age, glasses, accent, or just general aura it was hard to tell. A teardrop fell from the ceiling, exploding into a vision of a shadowy door. “The one you seek cannot be observed by the Eyes of Fate; it is possible to enter. To exit is difficult. Thirty is the operative number.”

“Uh… ...okay,” Taako said, “so he’s in a demiplane. Cool.”

“Figured that one out pretty quick, huh? Guess I’m not being cryptic enough.”

“Don’t sweat it,” he dismissed, waving a hand and trying to seem nonchalant and lean back in his chair, though he wanted more than ever to lean forward. “I’m practically a magic genius by now, so.”

“True. Okay, now. Steady yourself. Time for big prophecy.”

Nothing happened. Taako sat as patiently as he could manage, trying to pretend he didn’t care at all about what the future had to hold for him (and hopefully for Kravitz), but he did a pretty bad job. His fingers drummed so frantically against the wood that it had to be _obvious_ he was kind of losing his mind over here, just a little. After enough time, Paloma cleared her throat. “ _Time,_ ” she said again, as though urging something along, “for _big. Ass. Prophecy._ ”

It took another moment of silence. She sighed. “I’m sorry for this,” she elaborated. “Sometimes these things can be difficult, particularly if something is trying to ward off my magics. I guess if we do not get anything out of this one I can bake you a dream scone or something--”

The entire ceiling _rattled_ then, glass clinking every which way desperately, and for a moment it seemed like maybe this was an earthquake. Maybe, if anything fell, it was just because _everything_ seemed in danger of toppling over. He was about to give up hope on any further answers when a single teardrop detached itself from the overall chaos and fell. And he couldn’t make out any of the surroundings, but he _knew_ right in the center of it was Kravitz, screaming and struggling in _his_ arms and yelling desperately for something. It was almost like he didn’t want to leave.

“Do not abandon the bird in his most desperate hour; it is difficult to leave the nest. He will fight and struggle, but you _must not_ give up on him!” And just like that she was grabbing his shoulders, almost looking him in the face. “She _wants_ you to give up, Taako; he will not recognize love when it comes for him. But you **_must_ ** get him out. Show him the possibility of sky!”

There was one lingering thing about the vision, something that seemed more dreamlike than anything else in that he was there now inside of it. And he saw Kravitz as he’d seen him earlier, only this time clear as day.

And he felt himself saying the words: “Kravvy, baby, I know you’ve been gone for like ever but no worries, Taako’s got you. Just come with me and everything’s gonna be okay!”

Then, the clearest vision of all: Kravitz’s face, youthful and confused. Dressed in that stupid shade of blue and looking so beautiful and so confounded and suspicious. “Come with you? Why would I go with a stranger?”

The world fell out from under him, and Taako woke with a start.

“Oh, _shit._ ”

This was gonna be even harder than he thought.

 

* * *

 

 

The moment it happened, Lyra scowled.

(Lyra? What kind of a name was Lyra  
for something so powerful?  
More truthful than Mockingbird, at least,  
though that had been clever of her, admittedly.)

In any case, she could _feel_ his Eye.

It wasn’t hard at all to tell it was prodding and poking around in things that weren’t rightfully its business, and it irritated her profoundly the moment she sensed it. Things were going swimmingly with Kravitz; he was truly learning the depth of her love and compassion, though she hadn’t dared yet to reveal her identity or her face. He was wearing that beautiful shade of blue she always loved to see on him, and sitting so proper and playing the piano so beautifully even the most profound composers of worlds and beyond worlds would weep. He was so polite, starting to greet her with more and more cheerfulness, beginning to appreciate the niceties like sleep and the freedom to pursue his passions and her cooking.

None of this was surprising, of course. Lyra knew he was such a good boy after all. But the Eye and the person using it to spy on their world, hers and Kravitz’s alone, were attempting to throw a wrench into her plans. How cruel and selfish it was to set out to ruin someone’s shot at Paradise, someone’s hope of living again! Presumably, the one Kravitz was so smitten with-- _Taako,_ an ugly name, a terrible horrible name for a disgusting husk of a man--should have cared enough about what _he_ wanted, what _he_ desired before the untimely death. You would _think_ that he would take the time to care that Kravitz had been so robbed of anything normal, complete, happy. But no. Only passing interest at best in the things that had entertained the boy before; only fleeting flirting. Sure, they claimed to “live together” back home, but how misleading was that when Kravitz was not permitted to _live?_

Oh, she wasn’t naive enough to think the elf was the problem, in and of himself. She knew most of her problems lied with the Queen, someone who thought she had a right to Kravitz’s every waking moment. The elf, hopefully, was attempting to spy on her with good intentions; he thought that what he was doing was _noble_ somehow. But it didn’t make the feeling or presence of the Eye any less disgusting and unpleasant, and she knew the instant that she felt it that something had to be done. It was difficult because he had learned to rely so much on the elf that he was willing to bask in his presence even when it was incorrect, even when it was a blatant forgery. He would be upset for a little while at this next bit, and she anticipated it, bracing herself for whatever might come and readying several soothing spells just in case.

Then, she began to plant and water the seed.

“If Taako loved you so much, my little one,” she asked, still wearing his face and trying on his ridiculous voice, “why did he let the Raven Queen trick you? Far be it from me to question your so-called ‘soulmate.’ One would just think, wouldn’t they, that if their loved one were so manipulated… ...they wouldn’t be complicit.”

She watched it grow next. Of course it did; Kravitz’s mind had always been so fertile, so malleable. He was easier now to suggest and influence than he had ever been, and she chalked this one up to the fact that he was so open to the world, so lovely, so sweet. He was already doing so much better than she had expected him to do at this stage, which was honestly foolish of her. Perhaps, the Mockingbird thought, she should have expected more.

In any case, this could protect both of them for a little while.

Soon he wouldn't miss this Taako at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, hopefully this went okay!! i love everyone's comments, but they've just been piling up for so long that i'm gonna go ahead and mark the ones i haven't responded to yet as "read," and just respond to new ones as they come. EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION IS P GREAT, AMIRITE. LOVE YOU ALL ALWAYS. <3


	8. Chapter 7

The sight of Taako was starting to make Kravitz uncomfortable.

Well, okay. It had never been ideal to begin with, the Mockingbird acquiring his skin and making a home there because they were kind enough not to do a good job at it. They were never trying to  _ trick _ him because their imitation was so hollow and bad on purpose; he never got fooled into thinking he was back there with the elf. That was a kindness on the part of his captor, for sure. They knew how much that would hurt, and so spared him the torment.

...But.

It had been… ...comforting. To see a semblance of home, to see his love’s face even twisted into expressions and turns of phrase that would never be relevant to the  _ real _ elf. It had been something Kravitz hated to cling to, was so ashamed to cling to, held even when it made him sick and danced with to songs that wouldn’t have impressed the real man at all. He was always deeply repulsed by his own  _ need _ to look upon Taako, but it was becoming… ...even harder lately to want to see him, because the Reaper had been given so many things about which to think.

The first of those things was the knowledge that the Queen absolutely didn’t care for him, and considered him expendable. This had been painful and deeply confusing at first, but the more time passed the more it became a fact of the world, something blunt and true and awful. His heart still ached for her sometimes, still missed knowing she was always there, but thanks to the patience and generosity of his company it was becoming less difficult. He was starting to understand things that he wouldn’t have before, and he knew that if he ever got out of here the first thing he’d do would be to finally stand up to her. It terrified him to think of standing up to a Goddess whose existence had been so intertwined with his own for--for centuries, for years upon years upon years, but he knew that he could no longer work for her under these conditions. Especially since he--well, frankly, he’d been overworked. All the time. And knowing that Lup or Barry or any of the other Reapers could’ve stepped in at any moment, that he didn’t have to work himself down to the bone (so to speak), just… ...it…

...it  _ hurt. _ He’d devoted so much to her, and what did he receive in return? Deceit. Constant busywork. He’d forgone the things that had made him happy in life, things he was discovering again with the help of the Mockingbird. Things that they… ...were kind enough to give him. Rest. Music. Food. Joy. Love.

Real concern for his well-being.

But what was becoming even more troubling, now, was realizing that people around him had to  _ know _ this. Surely it was no secret to his fellow co-workers that he’d been strung along like her personal pet. They had to have realized and indulged his delusions of her care by allowing him to pick up their slack and guide them through. And what… ...was the most troubling of all, was the thought that  _ Taako _ knew. Taako was  _ never _ secretive about what he thought and felt for deities; Taako was  _ always _ vaguely disdainful even of his own. But he  _ let _ Kravitz be led astray, because--because Lup didn’t have to do as much work, right? Was  _ that _ it? It was the only reason he could come up with, but he--

\--he was starting to… ...really feel  _ pain _ about it. It was really starting to hurt, because Taako should have just wanted him to be happy. Taako should have just, no matter what that meant, wanted him to have a good life. Your partner was supposed to… ...was supposed to care that you were tired, that you were overworked, was supposed to care about your life’s passions and enjoyments. But the more Kravitz thought about Taako, the more he realized how little the elf cared. He tried to  _ feign _ care, to his credit; he tried to listen intently when the Reaper would play the piano, tried to ask about the names of the pieces, and on more than one occasion had fallen asleep during an opera. But it wasn’t the same as… ...caring. As really caring what Kravitz wanted to do. He’d always let Kravitz believe that death had been his only option, that Reaper was the only profession, and--and he only cared… ...about himself.

It… ...hurt.

He… ...thought about crying, sometimes.

Even the ways in which it was so obvious the Mockingbird was a forgery and not the real thing were haunting to Kravitz. Why was it so obvious they weren’t his love? Because they supplied him with things that Taako had never even considered he might  _ want. _ Because they were polite and calm, even gentle. Because they took  _ care _ of him when he was always the one taking care of the  _ real _ Taako. It was becoming… ...so painful. Agonizingly so, even. To know that Taako hurt him so much, and to know that even if he showed up here to remove him from this situation, it was because he wanted Kravitz to be what  _ he _ needed. When this was over, he’d have to stand up to the Queen, and then he’d--then he’d have to confront Taako, break it off, and that twisted like a knife in his gut.

He didn’t… ...trust Taako anymore.

He didn’t… ...trust his former self, without this enlightenment.

It wasn’t until they were rifling through his pockets one day that the pain became too much for him to bear. He’d been enjoying himself, playing some light-hearted Mozart piece without much thought, and then they’d found something in his cloak.

“Kravitz,” said not-Taako’s voice, “what’s this, hm?”

His breath had caught in his throat when he realized the container, and then even more when he realized its contents. There was a ring inside, a beautiful sapphire ring that he’d gotten in secret and worked hard to conceal; the light danced off it playfully, as if mocking him personally. It all rushed back into him, and his pain was so sudden that his fingers hit the piano with a  _ clang _ of cacophonous sound, and the Mockingbird was quick to gently glide to his spot on the floor and gently shut the lid before wiping his tears. It was so much he--he didn’t think he could stand it, not pain like this, and he apologized profusely as he hugged himself and wept like a child.

“You’d planned to propose,” the Mockingbird realized with a surprise and gentleness. “Oh, my little bird.”

That was when he knew nothing could ever hurt him more. He tried to apologize into them, babbling things he didn’t even remember, rambling about the pain and betrayal he felt… ...and they held him, humming and swaying gently, soothing him softly. They didn’t warp his emotions with magic; they hadn’t, he felt like, done that in quite awhile. But it helped just to have someone to cry into, to spill all the contents of what he’d thought would be his future out in front of someone else and sob at how misguided he’d been, how foolish. He hadn’t let himself cry, really cry, and then in an instant, he  _ bawled _ for what felt like hours. Several times, he tried to stop and compose himself, to be so sorry; several times, the Mockingbird shushed him and put a soft finger to his lips, reassuring him that it was all right. He was okay here to be himself.

And when it was all through, he was so tired. So confused and heart-wrenched and heartbroken that it almost made him feel dazed and sick, and they were running fingers through his hair so soft. He was a kind of exhausted that sleep wouldn’t even fix, that nothing could really stop, and he sank into them and their arms.

“I didn’t want this for you, Kravitz,” they said softly. “I so wish you had something happy to return to.”

He didn’t. Maybe cats? Did he have cats, or did he dream it? Couldn’t remember.

“I can make it easier,” they crooned and cooed, “but only if you want. I know we have an understanding about Enchantment, so of course I would  _ never _ perform a spell of this magnitude without your explicit approval, but… ...but if you really truly want it, I can erase the hurt from your mind.”

The pain was too much; he couldn’t  _ think, _ he babbled into them uselessly like a lost child. He knew he needed time to think about something like that, but lately thinking hurt so  _ much, _ was such a curse. It was so much easier to just fold into the reality of this place unceremoniously, to play and read what had been so generously offered to him and eat and enjoy meals and sleep peacefully. It hurt so much to--to  _ think _ about what to do, who to be, who he’d  _ been, _ and all he could do was wail into them about how he didn’t want to do it anymore, he didn’t--he couldn’t  _ handle _ it, the wings came out to shield him but didn’t do anything and they--

\--they understood his suffering. Of course they did.

“Oh, I know,” they sang, “I know it hurts… Hush. Let me take care of it… Sleep now, and know that things will be better in the morning.”

Must’ve been magic, because he drifted into sleep right then.

In the dreams, he had always been there.

With--with not a featureless deity, nor a hollow imitation of a lover--with… ...oh, yes. That’s right.

She was his mother.

She was his mother, and he’d spent eternity with her. He thought he’d died, but it had been a bad dream; she soothed him and shook him from those sometimes because they were so vivid. So vivid that of course it was easy to believe he’d drowned, so many years ago, and left her all alone… ...of course sometimes he thought he’d met the Raven Queen Herself, because of his terrible night terrors. But he was too young to be robbed of life; he was a young man with so much promise, and he could never be harmed as long as he obeyed what she told him. She was so encouraging of his love of music. He was going to be a Bard, and she always told him that his compositions were wonderful, especially on piano… ...he was going to be a great musician one day, when she no longer felt the need to care for him.

For now, she was kind. She allowed him to stay in the most comfortable conditions she could fathom, always giving him good food and rest, always soothing him when necessary. He was a quiet, thoughtful boy; he wasn’t a  _ scholar, _ because scholars asked too many questions. It was easier for him to just obey her whims, safer this way. She had always told him tales of what happened to people who didn’t obey their parents, who strayed a little too far, and he felt thankful that he had her to guide him and love him dearly.

He was her little songbird, and he was happy. Life was simple and plain and lovely.

Kravitz woke up smiling.

* * *

 

 

When Taako woke, he gasped with fear and grabbed Lup.

“What is it, Taaks,” she tried, snapping to attention immediately, tolerating the pain as his fingernails dug into her arm. “Bad dream?”

It took a minute for him to adjust to the surroundings, and he was disoriented by the fact that he wasn’t in Refuge anymore, Toto. He blinked his bleary eyes out at the surroundings and felt like hell, like animate and sentient dogshit, but he couldn’t afford to devote too much time to feeling groggy or achy. Thankfully, his body knew that and supplied him with adrenaline that got him pretty much instantly up and out of bed and pacing. “No,” he admitted to Lulu, going too fast, “no, no, no--not bad dream. Bad  _ reality. _ ”

His twin was quick enough on the uptake to rise and keep up with him. “Hang on, slow down--”

“ _ No, _ ” he snapped, pacing, “no time. Hat again. Where’s the hat again. I gotta--”

“Taako,” she insisted, following him and grabbing his hand and pulling at it gently, “I can’t  _ help _ if I don’t know what  _ happened, _ ya dingus. Was this just a bad nightmare, or… ...I mean, I heard you say his name so I know he was a definite part of it, but--”

“No,” he insisted back, and then turned on his heel, blinking. She was right. But his thoughts were consumed with what needed to happen, which was finding his Bone Boy like, yesterday. “Sorry, Lu--I uh, I saw Paloma is all. Oldest lady alive, psychic?”

“Still kinda playin’ umbrella catch-up,” she confessed, “but I think I got it.”

“Yeah, okay, so--so she let me see Kravitz, and um. Something’s  _ wrong _ with him, Lulu.”

“Something other than bein’ birdnapped, you mean.”

“Uh… ...yeah. In addition to, I guess. Because of,” he babbled, rambling while he paced back and forth. “Something’s wrong with him, Lulu. I  _ said _ that already, ugh.  _ Shit, fuck. _ This  _ sucks. _ This sucks  _ major _ dongs. God _ damn _ it.” Taako was fighting back tears already, and he fucking  _ hated _ himself for it, as he bit his wobbling lip and tugged on his braid. “I need to see that stupid hat. Where’d you put the  _ hat? _ ”

“Got it right here, bud,” Lulu reassured him, shoving it in his direction as fast as she could manage. “But let’s just slow down a second. What’s wrong with Krav?”

No real time for chitchat. Taako wrenched the hat a little too forcefully from her hands and put it on ASAP, still pacing and taking the shakiest breaths imaginable. “It’s like--it’s like with his  _ brain. _ He didn’t  _ remember _ me, Lup. He had no idea who I was and he didn’t--he didn’t wanna come home. I’m so fucked. We’re so  _ fucked. _ He’s--he’s in a demiplane but once we get in I don’t even know what we’re up against and it’s--this--ugh.” Out of instinct, he tugged the hat down over his eyes, trying to blot out the sounds and sights of his real life.

“He goin’ to Hatville?” Barry’s voice came from out of the darkness, sympathetic.

“Yup. Says Boss Man’s been all kinds of psychologically fucked.” The voice of his twin sister was just as kind, though, and she reached out to squeeze his hand. “But it’ll be okay. We’re gonna find ‘im, right, Barry?”

“You bet, Lup. Ango over here says we should start looking into different necromantic cults. They’re the only leads we’ve got at this point, ‘specially the one we were supposed to nab that day. D’you remember what it was called?”

“Know what’s weird? I… ...can’t remember at all.”

“Yeah, I know... Okay, then, gotta consult with the Raven Queen first. I can go if you wanna. Y’know. Stay. And look after certain people.”

“Only ‘cuz I know he’ll go all hat-crazy if I don’t,” she mumbled. Taako heard it; he couldn’t care enough to dispute it, mostly because she was right. He wanted to dive right back into the world of that smooth black stone, to get as many eyefuls of Kravitz he could handle, but he didn’t know what good it would do. After enough time of sitting and trying,  _ again, _ to demand for the sight of Kravitz, he let out a frustrated sigh and yanked it back off his head, adjusting to the world again.

Angus… ...made breakfast. Well, it was toast. But it was breakfast. And, he filled Taako in, it was important for the wizard to eat. Mister Kravitz would  _ want _ that, and Taako glowered too intensely at the kid when he said it but knew that was solid as hell. Plus, the little gremlin was just trying to find something to do after Barold and Lulu  _ vehemently _ rejected his request to go along to see the Raven Queen, so.

He sat and ate a piece of toast with jam, numb.

Couldn’t think, because when he started to think it  _ hurt. _

The prophecies echoed obnoxiously in his head. He couldn’t stand the thought of Kravitz there any longer, and he didn’t know whether or not it was better to think of him as feeling terrified and alone and full of missing, or trusting and adoring some nameless and faceless captor. If this was some group, he vowed, he was going to rip them apart from the inside out--and if it wasn’t? If it was just some sicko, no matter what species, trying to get rocks off? He’d make sure the torture would be  _ slow. _ Whatever took Kravitz from him, whatever was trying to  _ warp _ him, was going to pay.

Soon, he wouldn’t have to miss Taako at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blgh, i don't feel good about this chapter or my writing lately *at all.* sorry this took so long -- my grandpa died, and then i got Hand Foot and Mouth disease and my period so. 2018 really keeps trying to get in my way. but i will keep writing! because i love it and i love all of you. thanks for reading. <3


	9. Chapter 8, part 1

The sun was warm and welcoming on Kravitz’s face. It was easy for him to rise as he always did, to greet the day with as white and wide of a smile as he always had. His life was so peaceful, so simple; he looked forward to breakfast, and then especially to time spent at the piano. “‘llo, Mama,” he greeted the air, because that was what light always meant. He yawned a little and rubbed sleep from his eyes, lazy and cozy with warm.

“Hello, my little songbird,” she trilled, welcoming as always. “You look so well-rested! How was your night?”

It didn’t take him very long to figure this one out, wide smile taking over his face. “Mm… ...good, I think. ‘S always good, Mama. You know that.”

“Yes,” she admitted, “I do. But it’s polite to ask, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Would you like some breakfast? I made oatmeal with fresh strawberries and blueberries, just the way you like it.”

At this, Kravitz’s stomach rumbled, begging for some of his mother’s delicious breakfast. He could almost feel his mouth watering at the thought, and when he was finally let out to eat it tasted like some of the best stuff he’d ever had. He sat so polite, as always, careful to have good table manners even though he was so hungry, and he watched her grin at him with so much love from across the table.

“I thought you might like to regale me with a song this morning,” she crooned. “Does that sound good to you?”

Kravitz was very careful to chew and swallow properly before he spoke again, dabbing at his face with a napkin. “Of course, Mama,” he let her know. “That’s what I do for you every morning.”

“Indeed you do.”

But there was something… ...different he was going to bring up today, something new. He hesitated with his oatmeal; she noticed, arching an eyebrow. His own furrowed as he swirled his spoon around, and he knew she could tell he had something on his mind, but he was still wondering whether or not he ought to speak it. He supposed he should, finally risking it with a deep breath. “Mama, I--is there very much outside of this place?”

He didn’t dare look at her, but he could hear her displeasure, even as she tried to keep it smoothed over and stay calm and collected. “Kravitz, we’ve had this conversation so many times,” she chided him, and already he felt embarrassed and his face went hot with shame. “You know that if there were anything out there for you, that could appreciate and love you the way I do, I’d tell you. It’s much safer for you here.”

“I know,” he sighed, putting his head against his hand. “I know. It’s just--you’ve gotten to see it before. Why can’t I see it? See for myself?”

It took her a moment to respond again. Her sigh was tense and taught, like a string about to snap. “Kravitz,” she finally asked, as slowly and softly as she could manage, “do you know how old you are?”

“Um…” He… ...he should’ve  _ known _ this one, right? There was something about it. “Um, I… ...um. ...I’m… ...I’m not  _ that _ old yet, right?” He hoped so much this was the right answer. He could feel her wise gaze withering into him, expecting him to know and understand something like this. “I dunno why I can’t put an exact number on it.”

The older figure from across the table regarded him coolly, then changed on a dime and became so warm again, so loving and nurturing as he’d always known her to be. “That’s all right, my darling. You’re right, anyway. You’re hardly old enough to be venturing out by yourself.”

He gave a frustrated sigh before he could help it.

“Oh, I  _ know, _ ” she clucked like a mother hen, and just like that she was holding him gently in her arms. “I know you want to grow up so fast… ...too fast. But you’re my perfect little bird just the way you are, hm?” When she lightly brushed her lip up against his cheek, it was comforting and cozy and nearly made him want to head back to sleep. But it was time for the piano next, and she was kind enough to help guide him to the bench. “I need you just as much as you need me, little one. I keep you safe here. They wouldn’t appreciate you out there, Kravitz.”

He was lost in thought about it. “Why not, Mama?”

“Ah, ah, ah. Less talking; time for music.”

Obediently and without thinking, his hands glided over keys, and he played something by Fantasy Edvard Grieg to be slow and lazy like the morning. When he played, the entire world melted away; music was all that mattered, and he felt so  _ right _ at the piano that he often found he could make his company feel right also. She adored his piano playing, and he never wanted much of a life outside of it, not really (although sometimes he wondered if there were a space for his music in the world outside). He was… ...happy when he played, and then he caught sight of something on her finger. It took a little bit of meandering with keys for him to find the courage to ask. “Um, Mama?”

“Yes, little bird?”

“What’s that bit of blue there?”

“Oh, this?” She spoke about it like it wasn’t important, but the blue caught the light and played with it like a friend, refracted and reflected it back in so many important ways just on that one finger. “It’s new. Do you like it?”

“Yes,” Kravitz decided. “It’s very pretty.”

When tears fell down his cheeks, he didn’t understand it.

“Yes,” Mama agreed, so right and wise. She was the center of the universe then. “I think so, too.”

She smiled.

 

* * *

Barry Bluejeans had an update.

It wasn’t… ...great. 

“Basically: the cult we were sent to find that day,” he began hesitantly, wringing his hands, “doesn’t technically… ...um, exist.”

“What?”

“What the hell is  _ that _ supposed to mean?” Taako snapped at the same time as his twin, barely letting her get a word in edgewise. The hat flopped awkwardly over some of his features, spooky and utterly unhelpful, and he was running out of patience with this entire process fast.

“I, uh,” Barry stammered, which again, wasn’t great, “I dunno how to be much clearer than that. It doesn’t… ...it doesn’t exist, so that’s kind of a literal dead end. I’m really sorry, I wish I had better news, but--”

When the elf moved, it was like the snapping of a rubber band, quick and awful and frantic. “So what,” he babbled, voice tinged with hysteria, “so even all-powerful omniscient  _ Mama Bird _ over there got duped by some  _ psycho? _ ” He pushed his hair out of his face with a certain frantic energy, pacing. “Well, that’s just--that’s just fucking  _ great, _ we’re up against something that pulled a fast one on Death Herself, that’s just--well,  _ fuck. _ Fucking  _ fuck _ me.”

Lulu tried her best to wrangle him into her arms and soothe him a little, but nothing was gonna make him feel better at this point. “Hey, listen--this doesn’t mean anything. I mean yeah, it means we were called there on a bum job and whoever did this was deliberate and  _ planned _ it, but we probably could’ve guessed that, huh? Doesn’t mean we can’t find ‘em, Taaks.”

The kid was the next to speak, taking a sharp inhale. “Miss Lup is right, sir. Criminals of  _ any _ kind are always going to try to avoid detection, and it’s not that uncommon for them to form false identities in an attempt to cover up their tracks! This really isn’t that surprising, it just means we shouldn’t pursue necromantic cults as a lead anymore.” Soon, Taako felt Angus’s tiny hand pressed up against him in an effort to be comforting, and it… ...sorta helped. Stupid adorable boy detective. “We’re  _ gonna _ find him, sir. I promise.”

At some point, he’d managed to sink to the floor and bury his head against his knees, hugging them and trying to keep it together. Deep breaths. “Thanks, boychik,” he finally managed a weak smile in the boy’s direction. “Don’t mean to be the Debbie Downer of this operation--just tough, ‘s’all.”

“Of  _ course _ it is,” Merle was next to try to reassure him. “It’d be weird if it wasn’t. But just you wait -- we’re gonna nab this bastard.”

Magnus was next, with his self-assured grin. “Hell yeah!”

He was trying to focus on the efforts of his found family to cheer him--it was supes appreciated, honestly, and probs kept him from going off some kinda deep end if he were being honest with himself--but his mind was just churning with endless possibility, and that was  _ without  _ the aid of the hat. He knew what was likely to be the future, he knew what he’d saw when meeting Paloma, but that just made him feel  _ worse. _ The struggling, the crying, the utter lack of understanding on Krav’s face… The more he had time to think about it, the sicker he felt.

But he owed it to Kravitz not to give up, not right now.

“Only lead is the hat,” he murmured after a second, and it occurred to him there were a few stray tears he had to wipe on his sleeve. Ew, he was a mess. Yuck. “‘S all we got to go on. Clothes. He’s dependin’ on  _ me _ to get him out of there.”

“Don’t be afraid to pace yourself,” Lulu tried. “I know it’s a lot to use that thing--”

But he was already trying again, taking a deep breath. This time, he not only focused on the black stone, he tried to slip into an almost meditative state. Drown the whole rest of the world out. Somehow attempt a long rest and this all at once. Left him feeling like he was drowning in a void, gasping for air, trying to keep his conscious thoughts above water so to speak, but he wouldn’t give up. The concern of the people around him didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but trying to see Kravitz again, and even when he started getting a migraine, he pressed onwards.

_Fuck you._ _I’m not giving up that easily, not this time._ _Show me--_

\--and he saw his love in that same watercolor way. Out of focus, blurred, but  _ there. _ And then he tried something… ...different. Took a deep breath in, centered himself, waited until he could see Kravitz a little clearer. In those blue clothes resembling the ones Istus had hooked him up with before, and just so… ...young and dazed. And alone, it seemed like.

_ Okay, here goes nothin’. Only hope of changing the future is right here, right now. _

He spoke without moving his tongue.  _ Kravitz? Can you hear me? _

Nothing. A little more forceful, this time. Gotta give this a little more elbow grease.

**_Kravitz,_ ** he tried again.

Confusion and acknowledgment crossed Kravitz’s face. “What? Um, yes? Who’s there?”

Taako nearly folded right there with the relief and strain of it all, but he… ...didn’t. Couldn’t lose himself right now; this was too important.  _ Not important, _ he tried.  _ Name’s not important right now. _

His love’s eyes were narrowed into suspicious slits. “...Who  _ are _ you?”

_ A friend, _ he blurted out, a little too eagerly.  _ Promise. _

Bless him, Krav was trying so hard to consider this. There was something deeply broken and small about him now, something that Taako was  _ not _ into, and he had to try to remain impartial and not think about how badly he needed to get his boy  _ out _ of there. He seemed young because somehow they’d reduced him, but he seemed… ... _ too _ young. And it hurt. “Are you like,” his love eventually tried, “an imaginary friend?”

Had to carefully consider the response here. Because no, obvs Taako wasn’t  _ imaginary, _ but--didn’t want him getting too concerned, either. Didn’t want him blabbing to whatever was holding him prisoner.  _ Not exactly, _ he finally managed.  _ I’m… I’m magic. _

It felt weird to be addressing Kravitz this way like he was some kid. But he had to do it, just for now. “Like my music?”

_ You know what, yeah, _ Taako finally managed.  _ I’ll give that one to you. Listen, Kravvy--I’m uh, I’m a very  _ special  _ friend. You, uh, you can’t tell other people about me if you want us to keep talkin’, okay? _

“Why not? I tell Mama most everything.”

Well, that--that made Taako _sick,_ and he nearly buckled under the weight of it. They had him calling them _“Mama?”_ _Fuck_ this. _Fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this._ That was so insidious he could’ve crumbled right there, could’ve blown the whole act for how enraged he felt at whatever was keeping Krav locked up. But he smoothed himself over, tried to calm himself and sound friendly. _I know you do,_ he lied, _because you’re a very good, uh, boy. Krav. But um, your mom--she’s not the type who’d be super psyched to know about this, huh?_

“I don’t suppose so,” Kravitz finally admitted. “Truth is, it does get lonely in here sometimes, with just me ‘n’ Mama keepin’ each other company.”

_ I’m sure, _ Taako managed, heartbroken already.  _ But listen--you’re in luck. As long as I’m around, you’re not gonna have to be lonely. Doesn’t that sound neat? _

A nod.

_ Cool. So um, what’s… ...it like there?  _ He was dreading the answer to this one.  _ You keep mentioning your mom--what’s she like? _

“Oh, it’s pretty wonderful here.” Fuck. “Mama’s  _ very _ kind to me. She always takes care of me and gives me a place to sleep ‘n’ eat ‘n’ play music.”

Deep breath in, expel the bad vibes out.  _ Sweet gig. _

“I… ...guess? She gets mighty fed up with me, though.”

Stomach was dropping.  _ Oh, yeah? _

“Yeah,” Kravitz finally admitted. “I know it’s awfully ungrateful of me, but um, I wonder sometimes… ...if there’s something outside this place. Is that where you’re from, the outside?”

_ Yup, _ Taako was maybe too quick to respond.  _ Sure am. It’s… ...it’s nice out here too, y’know? People’d let you do all that same stuff out here. Your mom’s not so special for--for giving you that stuff. _ Soon as this was over he’d go break something valuable. Just to vent.

“Really?” The eyes were too wide, too innocent. It ached.

_ You bet’cha. If you want, um, I mean, I could help get you out of there.  _ Careful about this, careful careful.  _ Not forever, obvs. But just to see what it’s like, y’know? Then you wouldn’t have to be curious. _

“I dunno,” Kravitz said, “can I think about it first?”

No. Don’t think about it, you beautiful idiot. Just come with Taako and it’ll all be over.  _ Sure thing, _ he barely croaked.  _ You don’t need to decide right now. Just know the offer’s on the table. _

“I dunno,” he said again, “it seems unlikely that anyone can get out of here. Mama keeps it locked up tight.”

Just fucking  _ try _ and keep him out, you bitch.  _ Listen, let’s not worry about that right now. You just think on what I’ve said, ‘kay? Can you promise me you will? _

“Mhm,” Kravitz started, “I promise, I’ll--oh.” His voice went down to a whisper. “Friend, Mama’s comin’. I gotta stop talkin’ to you now.”

_ No. _ Give him an eternity to take it all in, to see your face, to try to make sure you’re okay. He felt his grip on the whole thing slipping again like sand through his fingers, and tried with all his might to stay there long enough to figure out what this thing was or how the hell it mindfucked Krav so bad or how it was treating him, bare minimum. Stuff was already snapping out of focus though, and he--he just--

_ ‘kay. Love you, Kravitz. _

He let it go.

When he came to again, surrounded by everyone and everything who was concerned he’d meditated and been virtually unresponsive for hours, Taako burst into angry tears.

He let Lulu hold him this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my name is Crindy and i'm never satisfied with anything, lmao. this one's too short, but whatever. thank you so much for all your support, though. ;A; i love you guys.


	10. Chapter 8, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey cw for Krav being made to get drunk while he's... kinda... mindwiped. idk what to call it but i think it might b rough for some folks so just a warning.

The wizard actually thought she didn’t _know_ about him.

Now that she had such a grip on the situation, Lyra found the entire thing amusing. It had been irritating and infuriating at first, true, before she had been properly prepared for his presence; now, it was laughable, the way he thought that spying on them could influence the outcome and swing it in his own favor. She knew, as soon as she’d heard Kravitz babbling away to the air, that he’d found a way to get in touch with her little bird, and she wasn’t threatened in the least. In fact, she let it slide for a few days, let the boy stew in his own guilt and words unsaid.

Then, when enough time had passed, she pounced.

“Kravitz,” she addressed him casually over dinner, “you’ve been such a good boy lately. You know that?”

Her boy perked up and his eyes lit up as though he were someone much younger, the way she wanted him. She couldn’t help the wide grin that enveloped her current face. This was proof _enough_ that his ability to talk to that wretched Taako wouldn’t make a single dent in her quest to be his everything. It was so satisfying to know she didn’t need to physically make him a child; he believed he was hers, from the way he carried himself and spoke to the way he always minded his manners. He was her baby, and she saw that fact now fully and for what it was and was so pleased. “Oh, um,” he began, tripping over his tongue in the way a boy did when he was too excited, “oh, um, um, _really?_ I’ve really been trying, Mama.”

“I can tell,” she lilted, and it was true enough. “And in fact, you’ve been so good that today I thought I’d give you a treat. Would you like that?”

There were those impressionable eyes, beautiful and wide and eager. Soaking up her every movement and word like a sponge. She was his entire universe, and she felt it. “Oh, _yes._ ” Bless children; he didn’t even question what the treat was. It didn’t matter to him. He just wanted it then. “Oh, Mama, yes, please! I’d like that _ever_ so much.”

“I thought you might. All right, then.” Lyra manifested a bottle of the _best_ wine in her arsenal. “Do you know what this is, little bird?”

He looked instantly uncomfortable. “That’s… ...um, that’s a grown up drink, Mama. It’s special.”

“That’s _right,_ ” she trilled joyously. “It’s _very_ special. So special that today you get a whole bottle just for you.”

She uncorked it and passed it to him as though it were meant to be had all at once. He wouldn’t know any better; she watched him scrutinize it and then look back up at her, trying to see whether or not this was a test and if he were failing. It was precious. He was precious, and ordinarily she’d protect him from things just like this, but -- desperate times, you know. “But um, Mama,” he finally began softly, unsure, “I’m not allowed to have it. Mama, I’m--I’m not allowed.”

“I’m the one who allows for things, baby,” she reminded him, waving a hand. “I promise it’s okay. You’ve just been _so_ wonderful. I wanted to reward you.”

She’d already cast the appropriate spells on it, to make it sweet and irresistible. He had another moment of conflicted silence before he tipped it up and started drinking it down, looking surprised at how much he loved it. “Oh,” he gasped, “oh, Mama! How _good._ ‘S a good special drink.”

“I’m glad you like it, little one,” she said in her most maternal voice.

After a few more gulps, he was already giggly, and she watched him get tipsy with all the innocence she adored about him. “I _feel_ funny,” he noted as he giggled, swaying. “Everythin’s all warm ‘n’ spinny, Mama… ...pff, it’s so _silly._ ” She let him giggle and ramble, swaying to music only he could hear, before he tried to get up from the table and stumbled. Ah, right on cue. She was there to support him and shower him with kisses, so understanding and sweet. “Why’s… ...hard to walk, Mama?”

“It’s such a silly drink, isn’t it, my baby,” she murmured. “Careful now. Mama’s got you. Let’s get you to bed.”

He giggled some more as though she was the funniest person in the world, leaning on her and snuggling her. “Oh, Mama… …’s so good, I love you… ...so funny ‘n’ I love it… ….more please… I want more funny drinks…” But he was already so sleepy, yawning as soon as he demanded it and looking at her through half-lidded eyes. She paid no mind to his babbling as she set about dressing him in pajamas, humming softly as she did it. The goal was to lower the defenses, and they were just about lowered.

“No more today,” she sighed.

“Aww. Mama, bed’s comfy today…”

“I’m sure it is, my sleepy son,” she whispered. “But listen. Before we go to sleep, can you tell me something? Mama has a question and then you can drift right away.”

He kept an eye open, half-asleep and drowsing. “Mm… ...mhm, Mama?”

“Is there anything you aren’t telling me?”

It worked. She let the question sit there, and then he clumsily grabbed for her face. “Oh, Mama,” he managed, “Mama, I made a new friend! I w’s gonna tell you, but he said no. He said no, he said, Mama won’t like that I made this friend… ...oh. I wasn’ s’posed to tell you that.” He laughed even at the idea, so far gone.

“It’s all right, darling,” she reassured him, patting his arm. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Yeah?”

“Very much so. It’s hard to explain why, my sweet, but tomorrow you won’t… ...remember what Mama has to say about it. So we don’t have to talk _much_ about it, do we? I’m just so glad to know about your new friend. I’d like to meet him.”

“Dunno how,” Kravitz yawned.

It was right then, watching him drift, that Lyra knew just how in the right she was. He had peace now that he’d never been granted before, and someone who was so willing to watch over him and guide him gently in the proper directions. She’d instill these lessons in him as though he were very small, build a sort of unbreakable bond and trust, and be able to watch him grow. Death wouldn’t even be a factor; it couldn’t reach them here, not ever again. He’d get a life he’d never been able to truly live, and she’d get a child she was never truly able to have. No more working himself to death, _for_ Death, unappreciated; she loved him with all her heart, and she’d do anything for it.

“It’s just waiting, my bird,” she finally managed, smiling and so grateful for him. He was drooling messily on the pillow, clutching it and the blanket close, and she began to hear his inebriated soft snores. “You don’t have to worry. Mama’s _very_ good at that.”

She’d forgotten a lullaby; it didn’t matter. He was sound asleep, and there were more pressing matters.

Patiently, Lyra waited.

When she felt his Eye, she _demanded_ its attention. _Taako. So glad to finally hear from you._

The Mockingbird wasn’t able to see him, but she could tell she’d caught her opponent off-guard, and it was so satisfying to hear the way he didn’t expect her to be so eager to answer. _What did you do to Kravvy?_

 _Why, nothing,_ she responded innocently. _He’s right here. Please, don’t wake him. He needs his rest._

She listened to the way it clicked in his mind. _Wait -- I_ know _that Kravitz. He’s_ plastered. _How could you_ do _that to him when he’s like this? What the_ fuck _is wrong with you? Gods, I knew he was bunkin’ with a psycho bitch but I didn’t know it was_ this _bad._ She could take all the barbs and witticisms in stride; he was only slinging insults at her because she had the upper hand, after all, and she was more _clever_ than he was. _That’s like--that’s like giving alcohol to a_ child.

 ** _My_** _child,_ she hissed. It was regrettable she couldn’t see the way he started back. _He’s_ mine, _Taako._ _I can decide what’s good for him._

He had the audacity to scoff, and her blood boiled. _Well, you’re clearly not doing a very good job, full fucking offense. Can’t think of very many good “moms”_ \--he spat the word like poison from his mouth, and it didn’t belong on his tongue. She wanted to remove it, or at the very least remove the word from his vernacular entirely-- _who let their little boy get wasted. But y’know, maybe I haven’t been paying close enough attention. ‘Zat the plot of an episode of_ Rugrats, _or what?_

Lyra had no idea what he was talking about. It didn’t matter. _As though you’ve_ ever _tried to care for him or about him. I know you, Taako. And you care for yourself, your own selfish whims and needs, far more than you have_ ever _cared about him._ She continued to smooth back his hair, enjoying the feeling of his breath and his heartbeat. _That’s why I was able to swoop in the first place, you know. I wouldn’t have if you all just kept a closer watch, if he_ meant _something to you talentless hacks. But he doesn’t, and he didn’t, and I’m the_ only one _who’s ever bothered to make this right._

He mumbled just a little bit of nonsense in his sleep, shivering. She whispered to him that things were all right and he could go back to sleep, shushing him until he quieted and snuggled into her. She hoped Taako was seeing this with his stupid Eye; she hoped he was regretting ever trying to spy on them in the first place as she held him protectively.

 _You_ had _your chance with him. You_ all _did. Now it’s_ my _turn and I’m_ never letting him go.

 _Hey,_ **_fuck you, Mommy Dearest,_ ** he spat with vitriol and hysterical desperation. His voice was trembling; he was on the cusp of breaking down, all but screaming. _You may think you’re hot shit right now, sitting in your demiplane and mindfucking the love of my actual goddamn life, but I’m Taako from_ **_TV._ ** _I’m the savior of the fucking_ **_universe_ ** _and I’m gonna be on your ass faster’n you can blink, you horrible witchy_ c--

Kravitz stirred again. Instantly, the monologue stopped from Taako’s side of things. “...Mama…?” He managed, drawling and drooling and clinging to her. “Wh’s goin’ on…? Who’s yelling…?”

“No one, my love,” she reassured him, allowing him to cling to her and lean on her as though a sleeping babe. “You just drift right on back to sleep, okay? There’s a good lad…”

 _Kravvy,_ Taako tried, shrieking. _Kravitz, it’s me, Taako._ He was so beside himself with hurt and desperation that he wasn’t even thinking now. It was almost _too_ pathetic, really. _Please, baby, I know she’s doing all kinds of things and twisting your mind up into a pretzel, but just try to remember for me, try to remember_ Taako, _it’s me--_

“What?” He yawned, blinking out at the world with glassy eyes. “Taako…? Who’s Taako…?”

She kissed his forehead. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. Growing boys need their rest.”

He was satisfied with this, mumbling a simple “okay” before falling back asleep on her form. She made easy work out of tucking him right back in. She could hear the elf on the other end of the Eye trembling with rage now, and she wasn’t at all intimidated or afraid.

 _Growing boys,_ he sneered. _What a crock of absolute_ shit. _This is--this is so_ sick. _You’re_ sick, _y’know that?_

 _Call me what you want, Taako,_ she sighed as she fluffed his pillow. _I’ve made sure he’s nothing but happy and comfortable here. You’re the one acting as a disturbance._

 _He’s not_ happy, the elf snapped, _and he’s certainly not_ comfortable. _This is some_ really deranged stuff, _I mean grade A off the edge of Cliff Sanity and into the waters of Royally Fucked Up Shit, and I dunno who broke your brain in half and ripped your heart out of your chest to make you this way but I super don’t care, okay? Your tragic backstory doesn’t interest me; it’s_ boring. _You may be too far gone, but I know for a_ fact _he isn’t. I won’t_ let _him be._

 _Good luck with that._ _Really, have fun working towards his unhappiness. It brings me amusement. Oh, and Taako?_

She looked right into the eye then, black and all pupils, unafraid and all-powerful.

_You can call me Lyra. Ciao!_

It vanished with a pop. She felt the tension in the air ease up, their spy and stalker gone for the moment. It was so nice to have this, and she felt that after the fiasco this night had turned out to be she earned a good cuddle, reappearing in bed beside him and letting him burrow himself desperately into her for heat and reassurance. She hummed various lullabies and his subconscious caught them and played with them, further soothed. This Taako could work himself to death, for all she cared; it would be a fitting punishment. For now, she knew she was right by his smile.

It was enough.

When he woke, she had even _more_ time to tend to him. Her poor darling had been struck down by sickness, no doubt caused by a hangover, and needed her more than ever to nurse him back to health. She let him know that it was so awful to feel this sick, she knew, so terrible to be so nauseous and so hurt but she was here to take care of him. All that mattered was allowing him to relax and recover in the ways that he needed to, and she would be there to help the process along. It got… ...difficult to watch him get so wracked with nausea that he almost cried. She couldn’t bear to see him in such distress, but with enough tenderness, he’d be feeling better and he’d know he could count on her.

“I feel _awful_ , Mama,” he lamented, and she wiped some tears from his eyes. “What’s _happening_ to me…?”

“It’s just a little bit of sickness, that’s all,” she reassured him. “I’ll make you some nice toast. We can take it easy today, the two of us, okay?”

The poor thing. He probably hadn’t experienced a hangover in milennia or somewhere close. As usual, it was up to her to make him comfortable, and she didn’t mind at all. Besides, this way Taako wasn’t even at the forefront of his mind, because he felt too ill to think about friends (new or old). It all worked perfectly and as much as it broke her heart to see him so sick, she was glad she could be there to look after him.

“You take such good care of me,” he noted.

Her smile was natural and good. “You make it all too easy, my wonderful little songbird.”

“Good,” he sighed into her, exhausted. “I love you so much."

Almost without thinking, her eyes gravitated towards the ring, the way it glinted and represented everything they were together now, and every way she could repurpose his former husk of a life into something fulfilling. “I love you, too, Kravitz.”

And Lyra meant it with all her heart.

 

* * *

 

 

You had to be a real idiot to fuck with Death.

Sure, it was unwise to fuck with _any_ deity; Taako had a sassy mouth, but you wouldn’t catch him runnin’ it if he thought any of the celestial beings he knew would take umbrage with it in any kinda way. But Lup knew the Raven Queen was just this special brand of Goddess. Everyone should’ve known not to fuck with her, not to try to cheat the one inevitable Fate nearly everyone held, and yet scores of people lined up for an ass-kicking every day or two. Which was fine, natch, ‘cuz it kept her and Barry bringin’ home that bacon, but… ...uh, Lup was still kind of awkward around her. And she knew that, under normal circumstances, messing with RQ herself was _not_ advised.

So she had to wonder what kind of special brand of idiot this birdnapper was. It was easy to see her brother was completely fucked up over the whole thing, and rightfully so. She still wished, in some selfish way, that Istus hadn’t hooked him up with that hat; it weirded her out, all those blinking eyeballs and blinding side effects. She didn’t think it was wise for him to be using it _nearly_ as much as he had been, either, although she tried to remind herself that she’d feel just as desperate and determined if her boy got nabbed.

Hell, her boy _did_ feel that desperate at one point. He wasn’t saying anything about it, because Barry was mega sweet, but she knew this brought up memories for both him _and_ Taaks, and she hurt for them both. They didn’t deserve to… ...have trauma like that, to carry it around when it was her baggage to claim. It wasn’t fair at all, but she stuck by them and trusted that if neither of them brought it up, she’d _force_ ‘em to once things calmed down a little. Always was better to be upfront and honest with those you loved, after all.

Which was why, when she’d finally gotten Taako to respond to her after _hours_ of meditation and blinking out at nothing with pure black eyes, she knew they had to take this shit back to Big Bird Headquarters. He’d just sobbed into her inconsolably and almost incoherently the first time, but the second time was the real final straw, when he’d come back foaming at the mouth and seething and spitting pure rage. She had a duty to make sure the Queen knew what was going down at all times, anyways.

So… ...it was terrifying, and it sucked, but she made her way there with Taako in tow.

If her boss was intimidating when she _wasn’t_ beside herself with animalistic rage, Lup didn’t know _what_ to call her now. She mostly just let Taako talk, to ramble about all the things he’d said and seen, about how this person had reduced Krav’s mind to silly putty and was posing as his mother. She listened and tried not to get too angry and carried away with emotions and flame herself, especially as a lich. She listened to the whole thing, two conversations, the whole shebang.

And the Raven Queen was silent at first.

What came next was the loudest screech Lup had ever heard in her entire life. Her hands flew to her ears and Taako pulled his hat down over his as the Queen just _screamed,_ screamed with utter pain and agony and above all blinding _rage._ Her wings were out like she was going to shield herself, shield Kravitz, from such a fate. She started yelling in languages neither her nor her brother understood, and everyone just let her do it, not daring to get in the way of the Queen of Death’s grief.

Usually, she would compose herself.

It was not so this time.

The Raven Queen, raw and outraged and love for her son like an open wound, made sure that _all_ the Reapers could feel her ache. They could feel how angry and lost and wrecked she was and weep and grieve with her because mourning was something that almost every sentient and living being was going to have to endure. It took Lup amounts of almost hysterical strength, the kind that enabled people to pull wagons off of their children and shit, to keep from going full emotional lich right then. But she didn’t begrudge the Queen for it; there was no way.

 **_HOW  
_** **_COULD  
_** **_THIS  
_ ** ****_HAPPEN_

No one had an answer for her.

“We’re getting closer,” Lup tried to reassure her. “I know we are if that’s any help. We’re gonna get him out of there, I promise.”

 **_MY  
_ ** **_KRAVITZ_ **

**_I PROMISE  
_** **_I WILL MAKE SURE  
_** **_YOUR CAPTOR REGRETS  
_ ** ****_EVER LAYING EYES ON YOU_

“We--we know he’s in a demiplane,” Taako finally managed. “I can show you how I’ve been… ...uh, viewing him. If you want, but I dunno how much good it’ll b--”

 **_SHOW ME  
_** **PLEASE  
** **SHOW ME  
** ****_EVERYTHING_

Maybe there had been something mortal there once.

Whatever was behind her eyes probably regretted making the request, though.

  
When she _screamed_ next, the entire Astral Plane rattled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE GET ME TO STOP HYPERFOCUSING ON THIS THING oh boy. I STILL LOVE ALL OF YOU SORRY I JUST CAN'T STOP LATELY AUGH


	11. Chapter 8, part 3

When Queenie was done melting down, she had a request.

She wanted to try to talk to Kravitz next.

Taako couldn’t fault her for being this desperate; after all, Krav was all but her  _ actual factual son _ as far as the both of them were concerned, and he couldn’t imagine the pain she was going through. As much as the elf hated to admit it, she’d known him for longer and much more intimately, in a way that Taako was never going to touch. He was important to both of them, but he was Queenie’s child in a way that was supes important, so she was for sure agonized by this entire thing. But that was also why he tried to caution her against it, tried to steel her against what it might feel like.

“I mean, I’m gonna hand this shit over to you no question,” he let her know, removing the hat from his head and forking it over to her without complaint (and he  _ never _ did that with his hat, honestly), “but you should prepare yourself, ‘s’all I’m sayin’. It, um…” His voice cracked. “...it hurts real bad to see him like that.”

She regarded him in the softest way she’d ever done, trying to kneel down to be less of an imposing figure, and she wrapped him in a hug that was at once soothing and  _ painful _ for how icy cold it was and how much it reminded him of his boy. Usually, the face underneath the mask was so impassive, so matter of fact and stoic even when Taako hit her with his most clever quips, but she truly felt for him then as he felt for her. They both understood one another, bonded because they were going through this horror show, and it was almost reminiscent of how close Taako’d gotten to Barry when they were searching for his sister.

Except, y’know, with the Goddess of Death.

NBD.

**I KNOW IT WILL HURT,** she reassured him finally, with a breath as deep and endless as the Universe.    
**I KNOW NOTHING YOU SAY CAN PROPERLY PREPARE ME.  
** **BUT NO MATTER WHAT THAT THING SAYS,** **_I_ ** **AM HIS MOTHER.  
** **I MUST BE THERE FOR HIM NOW, NO MATTER THE COST.**

“I understand,” Taako said, too quietly as he tried not to shed any more disgusting tears. “Trust me, I um, totes get it. Good luck, Queenie. Um, l--love you.” She was family, whatever. He felt it deeply, even as he tried to avoid eye contact and awkwardly shuffled his feet, turning just a little red.

**AND I LOVE YOU, TAAKO.  
** **THANK YOU GREATLY FOR YOUR HELP.**

“Pssshaw,” he sputtered, waving a hand. “I’d do this shit anyhow.”

**I KNOW YOU WOULD.  
** **YOU’RE VERY GOOD FOR HIM, YOU KNOW.**

“Thanks, RQ,” he mumbled. “If you, uh, need me for anything, I’ll just be--oh, wait. Dag.” The words were still so hollow and meaningless with his Bone Boy gone, but he managed to care just enough to remember this before he fucked off. “I think part of what helps me take a peek at what’s goin’ on with Kravitz is that Istus gave me some of this magical thread shit? It’s got like, his essence all over it, uh. Just… ...just grab my sleeve or somethin’. I’ll stay by you.”

**THANK YOU, TAAKO.**

It was awkward, but that’s what they did next. She assumed a form closer to mortal size, grabbed Taako’s sleeve and felt it with her freezing fingers, and then put the hat on her head. As soon as she did,  _ every _ eye shut except for the black one, as though her control over the Eyes of Fate were masterful. Nothing strange happened to her eyes; they were the same as ever, although she did forget to maintain the appearance of breathing, which was no big deal for her.

And somehow, he could see through her eyes. Somehow, whatever shit Istus hooked him up with and his bond to her was so strong that right now, all that mattered was the Raven Queen holding his hand. And they  _ both _ saw Kravitz next, looking loopy. Neither of them particularly wanted to know what she’d done now to make him this way, but his eyes were glassy and far away, and he moaned as though sick every once in a while.

**KRAVITZ.**

His ear twitched; he sat up  _ immediately, _ eyes wide and fearful. Swaying with whatever medicinal cure she’d whipped up for what was probably just a fucking hangover. “Hello…?” He blinked out at the world like he was unsure of what was in it, occasionally looking like he might fall backward and into sleep. “Hell… ...hello…?”

**SHH. BE VERY QUIET AND STILL.**

He nodded obediently, though he was trembling with fear. “Mhm, spooky lady,” he whispered so softly. “Okay.”

**THERE’S NO NEED TO BE AFRAID, MY DEAR ONE.** He could… ...feel and hear the hurt in her voice at the way Kravitz was just  _ trembling _ and beside himself with fear at her voice, and he--fuck, he’d never wanted to comfort a Goddess so much. This shit was so messed.  **I PROMISE. I COME ONLY WITH A MESSAGE OF LOVE AND COMFORT.**

But Kravitz was so frightened he looked like he couldn’t be still, almost near tears. “But you’re the lady,” he whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. “You’re the lady from the dreams and they’re so scary… I’m in a water and I can’t breathe and it’s so  _ scary, _ lady… You come next… ...so  _ scary… _ ” Now tears were falling unabashedly, causing him to shake even more, and he buried his face into his knees and whimpered.

Taako had never felt her so soft.  **I KNOW, KRAVITZ. I KNOW, I KNOW… SHH. I KNOW THAT PART’S VERY FRIGHTENING.  
** **BUT DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT?  
** **WHEN WE FIND EACH OTHER?**

He was having a hard time stopping the sobs now, quiet and broken sobs that were  _ way _ too childlike, but he shook his head. “I always wake up after,” he hissed, dazed from the medicine and now all the tears, sinking back into the bed. “I meet you ‘n’ then I wake up.”

**WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS?**

Maybe it was just curiosity. The soft and calming tone of her voice. Whatever it was, he surrendered to it then, nodding his head and propping himself up a little with the pillow. It was disconcerting to see his full-grown boyfriend so close to sticking a thumb in his mouth, but he tried to put that aside to just be relieved that Kravvy was  _ listening. _ He was all kinds of psychologically fucked up, yeah, but he was  _ paying attention _ to what she had to say and even the tears were slowing.

**WHEN WE FIND EACH OTHER, KRAVITZ,** the Goddess let him know,  **IT IS SO** **_WONDERFUL.  
_ ** **I KNOW I SEEM FRIGHTENING TO YOU; I UNDERSTAND. BUT BECAUSE OF THAT, I AM SO--SO** **_LONELY.  
_ ** **_EVERYONE_ ** **IS FRIGHTENED OF ME, NO ONE WANTS TO BE CLOSE TO ME.  
** **BUT YOU COME ALONG AND IT’S NOT PERFECT, NOT AT FIRST.  
** **BUT WE ARE EVENTUALLY, I THINK, THE** **_BEST_ ** **OF FRIENDS.**

Kravitz’s eyes were wide and absorbing it all. “Oh…? You’re my friend?”

**OH, YES, KRAVITZ.  
** **YOU ARE DEARER TO ME THAN** **_ANYTHING.  
_ ** **I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT.  
** **REMEMBER, ESPECIALLY IF YOU FEEL ALONE,  
** **OR SAD, OR FRIGHTENED, OR ANGRY --  
** **REMEMBER THAT I** **_LOVE_ ** **YOU SO, SO MUCH,  
** **NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.  
** **CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?**

He nodded slowly. There were more tears forming, but these were different; he almost looked puzzled by them, wiping his eyes. “Do you have a name?”

**YES, KRAVITZ,** the Queen smiled so sadly,  **I DO. I AM THE RAVEN QUEEN--**

And just so suddenly, there  _ she _ was. Taako went from pitying and sad to engulfed with hideous rage in about .5 seconds, and he could feel Queenie’s rage too. All of the usual bullshit super saccharine candy-coating had faded away to make a sharpness, and as angry as Taako was, there was a moment where he genuinely feared for his boy at the hands of this unstable and awful  _ thing. _ They both wanted to shield him from her, to get him away ASAP, and they both felt it instantly.

“Kravitz,” she snapped, “piano. Now.”

This was an especially cruel request, given that she’d drugged Krav up with something, and Taako wanted to spit venom. His poor boy was slowly blinking his eyes, trying to adjust to the world and the sudden demand. “But Mama, you said ‘m sick--”

“Did I fucking stutter? _Piano._ ** _Now,_** Kravitz.”

_ Don’t you dare talk to him that way, you fucking  _ hag. She couldn’t hear him.

They both watched as she somehow forced him, still sleepy and not entirely sure of anything or on board, down to the ground to play. It was unsettling to perceive and make sense of, but demiplanes had their own sets of fucked up rules. Taako’d been doing some not-so-light reading on the subject, and he planned to get back to it as soon as this was over, made even more resolute by this.

With Kravitz out of the way, Lyra turned to address the Eye.  _ The Raven Queen, hm? So we finally meet. _

**DON’T YOU** **_EVER_ ** **TALK TO HIM THAT WAY.**

_ Too late,  _ Lyra dismissed. The bitch wasn’t intimidated at all.  _ Anyway, I’ve done far more good for him than  _ you  _ have. You’ve made this poor boy your slave for so long, under the impression that Death is inescapable… It’s tragic, really. Do you even  _ appreciate  _ him? _

**I DO** **_NOT,_ ** the Raven Queen intoned with venom,  **NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF TO THE LIKES OF YOU.  
** **I HOPE YOU ARE AWARE OF HOW UNREMARKABLE YOU ARE.  
** **JUST ANOTHER CRIMINAL. THIS AND NOTHING MORE.**

Lyra laughed without feeling. It was the fucking worst.  _ And yet, somehow, I’m one of the few “criminals” to ever get away with something like  _ this.  _ You say I’m unremarkable, just like any other poor and unfortunate necromancer you have locked up, and yet I’m one of the few to have a face-to-face chat with you. Face it, Queenie-- _ oh, ew, the use of Taako’s nickname for her in this context made him nauseous-- _ I have you entirely beat. And I  _ should,  _ because you’re the real monster here. _

It took the Raven Queen a moment to respond; Taako could tell she was trying not to completely boil over with rage.  **WHO DID I TAKE FROM YOU? A CHILD, PERHAPS? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS, SOME SICK REVENGE?**

Taako watched it, the brief split second there was a crack in the facade and all of Lyra’s features became ugly and full of rage and spit and grief, only for her to smooth herself over at a second’s notice.  _ Revenge, _ she scoffed.  _ As if I would be so petty. I merely see you for the scourge on mortals that you are, that’s all. I knew you were mistreating this boy, and so I took action. Don’t mistake this for anything less than a heroic act. _

The piano keys  _ clanged _ from below as Kravitz slipped into what was undoubtedly some kind of drugged slumber, unable to keep upright, and they were both livid.  **HOW CAN YOU CALL THIS HEROIC? HE’S** **_SUFFERING_ ** **AT THE HANDS OF YOU.**

_ No,  _ Lyra spat.  _ No, I’m giving him a second chance, which is far more than you’d ever give him. _

**I TIRE OF THIS CONVERSATION.  
** **JUST KNOW THAT THIS CANNOT LAST.  
** **WE** **_WILL_ ** **FIND YOU, AND WHEN WE DO,  
** **I WILL NOT HOLD BACK.  
** **CONSIDER THIS A FINAL WARNING:  
** **RETURN KRAVITZ OR SUFFER.**

_ Oh, I encourage you. Come find me. I’ll be waiting. _

When it ended, Queenie howled and then sank to her knees and wept.

Taako was set to do the same, nothing but rage and grief overtaking the whole of him, but something clicked first. He let the Goddess have a good cry; fuck knew they all needed it lately, but then he turned to address everyone, re-experiencing the familiar and safe feeling of detaching until this was all over.

“So, uh, I admit this is kinda weird timing,” he began, “but I think I just figured out how to get there.”

This had better work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to post this chapter in these 3 smaller segments. it JUST worked out that way, idk what to tell u. i hope it was good tho!! ;A; on a personal note, please send me good vibes -- meetin w my new therapist today. THUMBS UP. love u all!!


	12. Chapter 9

There was something wrong with Mama.

First, she had insisted that Kravitz was sick, so he should take special medicine and rest; then, when Kravitz’s new best friend the Raven Queen said “hello,” she had said awful words at him and made him go play piano. He tried his best, but he was starting to not be able to keep his head up anymore, resting several times, and eventually she found him there and shook him awake.

“No sleeping,” she commanded, “piano time now.”

“But Mama,” he whined, “‘m so  _ tired… _ ”

That was when she did something she had never, ever done before, and raised her hand to Kravitz. It happened so fast, right against his face, and it hurt something awful. “I didn’t want to do that, Kravitz,” she let him know, “you  _ made _ me do that. Do you understand? If you don’t play piano now, Mama will have to hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you, okay? Mama doesn’t ever want to hurt you, baby, but playing piano is  _ so important. _ You have to play.”

When he shook and dissolved into tears, she grabbed him and looked into his eyes. She was crying, too. He could tell she was so unhappy; he could tell she didn’t want to hurt him, just like she said. “Listen, my baby. There are people coming for you. They’ll say they’re friends, but they want to take you from Mama. Do you  _ want _ that, Kravitz? Do you  _ want _ them to take you away from Mama?” 

He was so frightened he couldn’t speak, tears rolling down his cheeks as he shook his head slowly. She leaned in so gently and planted a kiss where she had planted a fist before, so soft and gentle and what Kravitz usually knew about her. “No. I know you don’t. So you have to play, Kravitz. You have to play and play so good, okay? When they come, you play and play and play, and you don’t ever stop playing. Because Mama can’t protect us all the time, o--okay? Okay, my love?”

He whispered in terror. “Why not, Mama?”

She was crying a  _ lot _ now, in a way he’d never seen from her before. “Mama might have to do some things soon, Kravvy,” she let him know, drawing him into a hug and kissing his forehead and smoothing back his hair. “And I just want you to know that if you get left alone if those things are too much for Mama, you can still play and play and make the bad people go away. I want you to know that’s what I  _ want _ you to do. You just play and play and play, even if you’re scared or confused. You don’t stop playing, even if you’re tired or hungry, do you understand?”

“Yes, Mama,” he whispered. He couldn’t stop crying.

After that, he didn’t stop playing. When he was hungry, he didn’t say anything; when he was tired, he ignored it. When his fingers hurt, hurt so much and he felt like he just couldn’t play anymore, he didn’t let himself stop. He did this for Mama like a good boy would do, and it didn’t end until he became too tired anymore and accidentally fell asleep. He felt her praising him, whispering nice things, telling him he’d done so well; his fingers were bloodied and blistered and he was so hungry and so exhausted, but when she helped him back into bed and hummed a lullaby, it felt worth it.

“I love you, Mama,” he whispered. “I don’t want to leave.”

“You be brave, Kravitz,” she instructed, tucking him in and kissing his forehead. “You be so, so brave. You play for Mama, okay?”

“Okay,” he managed.

This time, when he dreamed, everything was terrible.

 

* * *

 

 

Taako couldn’t explain how or why he’d thought of it when he did.

It just occurred to him, and when the Raven Queen was done using the Hat, he was quick to let her and Lulu in on it. “Basically, tuning forks are a huge deal when it comes to traveling to demiplanes, right? And there’s no way we can get one tuned to the exact essence of a demiplane we’ve never been to, but uh. I’ve been thinkin’. What if we can turn that black stone into a tuning fork?”

“Huh,” Lup said after a second. “Not a bad idea.”

“Right? It’s worth a try. Worse comes to worse, it doesn’t do dick, and we’re back to the drawing board. I can turn it back into a stone right quick anyhow. Long as I’m wearin’ these threads we should be good to go. So we cast Plane Shift or Gate, get in there, grab Kravvy, cast Banishment and we’re outtie.”

**I WOULD…** Queenie spoke up after a moment,  **I WOULD** **_VERY_ ** **MUCH LIKE TO TAG ALONG.**

“Oh, natch,” Taako confirmed. “Wouldn’t dream of not takin’ you along. You cool if I work on extracting Krav ‘n’ you focus on the bitch that’s got ‘im?”

**I ASSURE YOU, TAAKO. I AM** **_MORE_ ** **THAN OKAY WITH IT.**

Lulu was hovering. “What d’you need me or Barry for? Need anyone else? We’re all ready to come in guns a-blazin’, just  _ say the word, _ bro, and we’ll--”

“Actually,” he interrupted her, “I’m gonna stop you right there. Seein’ as how me ‘n’ Queenie are the only ones who’ve talked to Kravvy since he got mindfucked, I think we should be the ones to go. He… ...trusts us, kinda, and I feel like havin’ too many other folks at once is gonna hurt our chances of that, uh, still being a thing.”

“Oh.” He watched as Lulu’s face dropped and she folded her arms. “Cool. I mean, I wanted to light some motherfuckers  _ up, _ but that’s fine. Just be… ...careful, okay?” Her face softened, and she grabbed his hands and stared into his eyes. “Like, I know you got this, don’t even trip about that. But I don’t want anything to go super wrong, and I know shit like Plane Shift ain’t ‘xactly your specialty, and--and--and we just got back together, so…”

He interrupted her with a hug, warm and sincere, something he’d only ever give people he really trusted. “I  _ got _ this, ‘kay? Nothin’s gonna come between us, I swear.”

“Yeah, well, no shit,” she quipped, smiling slightly. “Now go get your boy.”

Took a lot of concentration after that, but he managed to pluck the black stone off the hat and turn it into the tuning fork he wanted. It was smooth and as black as the abyss, and between that and his clothes he had to believe they were ready. This next part might have made him weak, but the Raven Queen helped him to shift between planes, and as he finally materialized right next to Kravitz, it was  _ so difficult _ to contain himself. He wanted to burst into tears, to sweep his boy into his arms, to hold him so close and let him know that  _ no one _ would ever hurt him again and he was so safe now, but he had to somehow be aware of the surroundings  _ around _ his boy, too.

Piano, candles, books, weird creepy vibe and sense of finite space--check. Birdcage above (that almost made him queasy, ugh), bed inside, sparse and no way to tell how much of it was illusory. And at the piano was the love of his goddamn life, playing piano and Taako couldn’t even stop to wonder what he was playing or why he was playing it because it--it was  _ go time, _ y’all, and then suddenly there was a figure out of the corner of his eye and he became aware of her saying something and he caught bits and pieces:

“I Wish…”

_ What the fuck, no.  _ **_No._ **

He tried to focus enough to understand what she just used fucking  _ Wish _ on, but it was impossibly hard; his blood was rushing to his face, adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and all he could think now as she  _ crumpled _ with a sort of satisfied smile on her face was that he wasn’t going to lose Kravitz to some bullshit Wish at the last second. Didn’t know for sure what the point of the Wish was, but he couldn’t risk it, and the Raven Queen was on her like an angry lioness anyway. Now all he had to do was grab Kravitz, which was difficult when he started  _ screeching bloody murder _ as soon as Lyra hit the floor, thrashing around and wailing and stubbornly  _ clinging _ to piano keys.

“Mama,  **_no!!_ ** ” Kravitz was  _ howling, _ tears streaming down his face, and Taako realized his fingers were bloodied and bruised by this point. Huge bruise on his face. Looking malnourished and exhausted, too. Couldn’t get swept up in the details, just had to grab him despite the struggling. “Mama,  **_no, no, don’t let them take me, I don’t want to go, Mama, I don’t want to go, Mama!! MAMA, WAKE UP, MAMA, WAKE UP, PLEASE DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME, MAMA, MAMA--_ ** ”

“I love you  _ so _ much, Kravvy,” he murmured, and then  _ grabbed _ Kravitz as tight as he possibly could. Didn’t have the Raven Queen to help him with this one, but he was just going to have to pay the price, and with a deep breath in and his full focus Taako cast Banishment.

It  _ hurt. _ The magic  **_crackled_ ** along his wand and then down into his  _ arm _ and into the rest of his body, like it knew Abjuration wasn’t his usual, like it knew he was out of his depth. He was aware that he was crying; all of him felt so lit up, on fire, but he kept his grip tight on Kravitz and put his full focus on the weight and intent of the spell, and when it was all over they were  _ out _ of that hellish place and back where he had been before. The fork was hideously disfigured, almost reduced to ash, and the hat got all kinds of fucked up too. He was barely standing by the time they got back, and everything  _ hurt, _ hurt so much.

But he couldn’t focus on that, not yet. Not now. His body swayed, but Taako  _ knew _ he had to stay upright and soothe his boy. “Shh, shh… Kravvy, shh… ...it’s--it’s okay, I promise. You’re…” He was trying not to buckle, trying so hard. “...you’re okay, I promise, Krav--Kravvy.”

“Oh, my _god,_ ” Lulu gasped, and was by them in record time. “Taako, holy _shit._ _Kravitz--_ ”

At the appearance of Lup, someone he decidedly didn’t know at the moment, Kravitz  **_shrieked_ ** as loudly as possible and managed to thrash his way out of Taako’s arms, hitting the floor with a hard  _ thud. _ His wings came out and it was like he didn’t understand why they were there, but they shielded him as he backed up, still sobbing and screaming as loudly as possible. There were no words from his boy now; there was just screaming, and the terror on his face was  _ so real. _ He hadn’t stopped crying, and he hadn’t stopped screeching, and Taako wanted so badly to reassure him, but--

\--but his body was giving out, and--

\--and fuck,  _ goddamnit. _

Taako hated himself so much for blacking out.

When he came to again, it was with a panicked gasp. He had no idea where he was or why, but that didn’t matter; his only priority was Kravitz, and his eyes started to dart everywhere for any clues as to his boy’s whereabouts. “Kravitz,” he tried, weakly, “where is he? Kravitz, where is he, is he okay, where…”

Lulu was right there by his side as always. “Shh, Taaks. You got ‘im. He’s… ...he’s okay. Just rest now.”

But Taako was trying to sit up now, frantic. “Fuck no. He looked  _ awful, _ Lulu. He never stopped yelling--is he--can he--how is he? I need to see him. It’s been forever since I got to see him, I… I need to see him, I need to know he’s okay, I--”

“Hold on there, Buster Brown.” She pushed him lightly back into bed. “Promise, he’s gonna be okay. Supes malnourished and fucked up but Merle helped with the wounds ‘n’ he’s trying to help with the other stuff.”

“...Trying…?”

“Only spell we could figure she’d use to alter his memory so bad is some Enchantment dealie. Thankfully, Greater Restoration is somethin’ Merle’s kinda familiar with, so we’re… ...we’re workin’ on it. So far he’s, um… ...kind of resistant to that, but Calm Emotions is keeping him from working against us too much while we figure it out.”

Taako blinked, considering this. “She used Wish on  _ somethin’. _ Didn’t catch what it was, probably gonna be so fucked over by it in the long run… I… I gotta see ‘im, you… ...you wanna help me up? I  _ gotta _ see ‘im, Lu. You  _ must _ understand.”

Her grin was melancholy, but she helped out. “I… I totally do. Okay, lemme support you though, okay? We’re gonna take it slow. You’re both real tired right now and that’s… ...that’s totally okay and to be expected. Just lean on me and take it real easy, there we go… ...doin’ so good, Taako.”

He had to try not to all but collapse on her, doing his best to stay upright as she helped him from the bedroom to out in the living room by the couch. His heart was filled by the sight of Kravitz actually occupying the space again, and the cats were all nuzzling up against him, glad to see him back. But there was such a haunted look in his eyes, blank and raw with unfathomable trauma and innocence intermingling and fucking him up. True to Lup’s word, he was exhausted as hell, and he looked starved and was curled up on the couch as far from everyone else as possible. Wings, somehow clipped, were draped over him and he was hugging himself, muttering things.

When Taako gasped his name, Kravitz barely looked up, rocking slightly.

“Mama,” he was muttering, barely aware. “I need Mama. I want my mama… Wake up… Wake up, Mama…”

Merle was… ...definitely trying. “Something’s off. I’ll, uh, I’ll give it one more go and if it doesn’t work, we can try again in the morning. ‘m not giving up, though, ‘n’ maybe I gotta consult Pan. But we’ll get this. Promise.”

Taako prayed it wasn’t the Wish.

He was about to ask why the hell people weren’t trying to  _ snap Kravitz out of it, _ or at least soothe him and let him know he was okay when the sight of Lucretia stopped him dead in his tracks. She was so focused she didn’t notice him, but he watched as she took a seat near Kravitz. “I’m sure this has all been so frightening, Kravitz,” she was saying in one of the gentlest tones Taako had ever heard. “I know everything is so scary right now, and you don’t trust us, and you don’t have to. But I made some hot chocolate. Would you like some?”

Kravitz looked right through her, dissociated as fuck. “Um,” he murmured, “when can I see Mama? I wanna go home.”

Ow. That… ...hurt. Taako tried not to take any of it personally, but it was hard for it not to sting when the one person he just couldn’t forgive was sitting closest to the love of his life. When he was  _ in _ their home, no less. But he didn’t dare interrupt the scene in front of him, going quiet and still.

“I know you do, Kravitz,” she reassured him. “I promise, soon this is going to be just a little better. But you’re in shock, all right? And it would make me feel so much better if you took a nice warm blanket and a cup of hot cocoa. I think it would make  _ you _ feel better, too.”

Eventually, with the aid of Merle’s calming magic, Lucretia draped a blanket over him and gave him the drink to sip. Taako just stood and watched, Lulu holding him up, and waved his sister off every time she tried to get him to head back to bed. Eventually, she settled for letting him sit at the kitchen table, eyes glued to the two of them.

“Are you a bad lady?” Kravitz sounded far away, dreamy. No one was home right now.

Taako saw guilt on her face; he knew what she must have felt about this question after everything. “I… I won’t hurt you,” she finally settled on. “I promise.”

Kravitz blinked. “Are we friends?”

“If you’d like us to be.”

“I want to see my mama.”

“I know. I’m very sorry. Things will make sense soon.”

Taako watched as Kravitz stared into the mug of hot chocolate, taking a slow sip. “Did you hurt my mama?”

“No,” Lucretia reassured him. “I promise.”

“Okay.”

It… ...hurt. But Merle had to throw in the towel for the night, and everyone else had to pack up and leave. Lup and Barry were staying over, obvs; Lulu was adamant about not letting Taako deal with this and recover alone, and Barry was all for doing anything he could to help. But after seeing how Lucretia was with Kravitz, no matter how disgusted he felt, he eventually caught her just before she left.

“Don’t go,” he begged, all but collapsing on her. “We need you right now, Luce.  _ He  _ needs you.”

He saw the uncertainty in her face; he marveled at how  _ old _ she was, sometimes, and this was one of those times. It just didn’t make sense. Lucretia had always been the baby; he should’ve been having this conversation with someone so young, but he wasn’t. The years had worn them both thin in different ways, and he regretted asking her for so many reasons, and she avoided his gaze. “I… I don’t know, Taako. I don’t want to make anything worse.”

“Lucretia, I know stuff between us is super weird right now,” he tried, voice cracking. “I get it. We’re awkward as fuck around each other and I sorta hate you and I’m not about to sugarcoat that, but I saw you with him back there. We  _ need _ you right now, okay? Please.”

He watched as she glanced back at Kravitz, trembling and alone and still murmuring to himself. “All right, then. I’ll certainly do whatever I can to help.”

Taako all but collapsed with relief, legs like jelly.

Finally, with that taken care of, Lulu led him back into the bedroom. Daisy nuzzled up against him like she knew how much he needed it, how  _ badly _ he needed someone beside him in that bed, and he let Lulu curl up with him, too. Finally, he could rest; finally, Kravitz was back home and he was safe, and even though he didn’t know the exact fate of Lyra or the use of the Wish, that was enough for now.

It had to be.

(“What’s your name?” Taako barely heard it, even with his elven hearing.  
“My name is Lucretia. Hello, Kravitz.”)

It wasn’t perfect, but Taako slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to: Crindy has minimal knowledge of D&D magic but they sure try, LMAO. i'm ur host. um, hopefully this chapter was good despite that. it's kinda a Big One and sets the tone for what might be the rest of the story so hey!! thanks for all the support, you guys. ;A; ur wonderful. big hugs.
> 
> btw, my therapy went great. <3


	13. Chapter 10

If you had asked Lucretia what she’d be doing with her life after everything, “babysitting the Grim Reaper” would have not have even been on the list. Hell, if you’d even asked what she could do to help in this specific situation she could scarcely come up with anything, and she hadn’t even thought herself particularly  _ good _ at it. But Taako had trusted her with this; he’d come to her and begged her to help, and so no matter how uncomfortable she felt, Lucretia put it aside to go take her place by Kravitz again.

She hadn’t gotten to know him extremely well, admittedly, but it was still jarring. For one thing, he was undoubtedly  _ alive _ now; for another, he was stick-thin as though he hadn’t been fed in a while, and his eyes were incredibly far away. It wasn’t difficult for her to understand that something terrible had warped his brain pretty significantly, as he regarded his own apartment with little to no recognition and longed for his own captor like a young child. It was difficult for her to understand why and how she managed to get through to him when no one else seemed to come close, and then it was even more uncomfortable to commit to staying overnight, but… ...maybe this was almost like being Voidfish’d, in a way? The vacancy in the eyes this time was different,  _ ringing _ with trauma and hurt and confusion, but it was still similar to what she’d seen in Davenport before.

Maybe, in some way, she thought this would make up for what she’d done. Maybe this way Taako could work towards forgiving her. Of course, it wouldn’t  _ erase _ the hurt she’d caused him, but maybe through this he could see… ...see how much she still cared for him, and his entire family  _ including _ Kravitz by extension.

Whatever the case, this was where she was at now, trying to regard Kravitz as someone as small and frightened as he felt. He was still trembling awfully, even with the blanket and hot cocoa to help comfort and warm him, and he looked like he hadn’t had a decent sleep in such a long time. His eyes stared, bloodshot and mostly unblinking, off into the distance. Every moment that he had to himself was spent muttering about his supposed mother, reliving the moment of rescue as though it were a terror. “Mama, no,” he was still murmuring in the quietest tones, “Mama, please… Please, wake  _ up… _ ”

Lucretia knew she had to be very gentle and careful with this one. “Kravitz, you seem so tired. Do you want to sleep?”

He shook his head back and forth, without words.

She thought about her next words. He was so delicate. For the millionth time, she thought she wasn’t fit for this particular task. “If I get you a pillow, will that help?”

Another shake of the head. “Can’t sleep,” he finally told her, “‘til Mama gets here.”

Well, shit. What was possibly the appropriate response to  _ that?  _ “She might… ...be a while, Kravitz,” Lucretia finally managed.  _ A long while, gods willing.  _ “Don’t you think she’d want you to get proper rest?”

Shake, shake. “No. Mama said I gotta play piano.”

“She did?”

“Mhm. She said even if I’m tired, I play and play and play…”

Lucretia winced sympathetically as she recalled the bad shape his fingers had been in, and now that she knew why her heart hurt even worse. It just wasn’t fair to Kravitz  or anyone who cared about him that this awful person had twisted his mind so severely; she hoped beyond hope that Merle could fix it somehow. As hurt often did, hers turned to anger pretty quickly, and she felt something protective and fearsome boiling up inside of her, but thankfully she had gotten quite good at concealing actual emotion so as not to frighten Kravitz. “And you  _ did, _ Kravitz. Do you know that? You did so well for--for your mother.”

Just that much made acid almost rise up in her throat.

“But now it’s time to rest, see? Everyone is sleeping now. Now you can do the same.”

In considering this, his eyes grew heavy at the mere  _ thought _ of it, and she felt somewhat victorious at the way he drooped just slightly after being so uptight and at the ready for so long. “Mm… ... _ no. _ I can’t sleep ‘til Mama gets here, Luc… ...Lucretia. Mama sings me songs. I… I can’t sleep without the  _ songs. _ ” Now he was close to something approaching tears, looking at her with such vulnerable and far away eyes. “I need my mama.”

Lucretia… ...absolutely should not have been the one to do this. The look on his face nearly bowled her over for how innocent, how desperate, how lost and confused and detached it was. And if she somehow fucked this up, if she made it even worse, then Taako would be more than right and justified to never talk to her or speak to her again. The pressure of the entire thing made butterflies flutter forth in her stomach, but she couldn’t… ...do  _ nothing. _ Not when he was looking at her like that, and not when she was the only person he’d talk to.

“Well, well,” she was stammering, trying to find the answer to this problem. “Well, then, what if… ...what if I sang you a song?”  _ Lucretia, what are you doing? You can’t sing. _

“What?” Even Kravitz in his current state wasn’t buying it.

“Yeah,” she tried to just run with it. “I know it’s not--well, your mama’s singing. But I can sing songs too, you know. I’d do my very best and--and if you want, I could stay by you and keep you warm and safe.” Just pulling stuff out of her ass at this point. Oh, gosh.

But she saw the way he considered her, as much as he could consider anything right now. She saw the way he was clutching the blanket too tight, and the way his grip on the cup would shake, and the way his eyes were so tired and had witnessed so much horror. It was awkward, admittedly, to address Taako’s boyfriend as though he were some small child in need of care, but--perhaps, just for now, he was. Maybe he needed someone to know what he was on the inside, and maybe she could be that for now. “I’m never going to be safe, nice lady,” he told her calmly, and then shook so much he dropped the hot cocoa. When it spilled on his face and then the carpet, he  _ flinched _ like she was going to hurt him.

And even though it might’ve been ridiculous, that was the moment she knew what to do. She got a cool wet cloth and tended to his face before the floor; that was more important. “It’s okay, Kravitz. It’s just a spill. Everyone spills things. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He was rigid with fear now, not even talking, almost hyperventilating.

“Shh… Just gonna wipe a teensy bit of this off, see?” She cleaned his face up just a little, then smiled at him warmly. “Now you’re all clean.”

When all he did was stare ahead in fear, she cleared her throat.  _ Here goes. _

“S… ...Somewhere,” she started, hesitantly, “over the rainbow, way up high… There’s a land that I heard of, once, in a lullaby. Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue… ...and the… ...dreams that you dare to dream really do come true…”

It was… ...ludicrous. She felt… ...absurd. She felt hot with embarrassment and regret, and could only imagine how she’d be laughed at as soon as this entire fiasco ended. Taako would hear of this kind gesture and laugh her out of the room because she was a writer, not a  _ singer. _ And Kravitz was decisively older than they could probably even fathom, being a Reaper, and yet here she was treating him as though he were so small and vulnerable. She almost expected  _ him _ to laugh at her, against all logic, but…

...but then she looked over, and he was calming slightly. The shaking was stopping and he was drooping just a little, though he kept trying to snap awake. She risked coming to sit close to him, and then gently placed the blanket back around him in a comforting way, and she watched as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier.

“One day, I’ll wish upon a star,” she kept going, trying to ignore how self-conscious she felt, “and wake up where the clouds are far… ...behind me…” And she couldn’t help but think, then, of wishing for this period of their lives to be over. She couldn’t help but want it so much, to put these clouds to rest in their overarching sky, though she had caused a few. “Where… ...troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops… ...that’s--that’s where you’ll… ...find… ...me.”

Then he was leaning into her in a way that felt… ...intrusive. She shouldn’t have been the one here for this, with him like this. Guilt was just Lucretia’s way now; she wore it like a dark cloud over her head, like a constant aura she couldn’t dispel. Every action she experienced and every mood she felt was tinged with a wrongness, a sense that it shouldn’t  _ be _ the way it was, and this was no different. She wasn’t this comforting, soothing, loving person; she was awful and unworthy, and the only reason Kravitz didn’t perceive that was because he couldn’t perceive  _ anything. _ “Somewhere,” she continued anyway, “over the rainbow, bluebirds fly… Birds fly over the rainbow…”

Her voice cracked with emotion; she was suddenly aware she was crying. “...why… ...oh why… ...can’t I…?”

When he shivered, she made sure to keep the blanket snug. They barely knew one another in ordinary life, but Lucretia came to perceive this moment as very strikingly intimate and important, so she allowed him to rest his head against her as she awkwardly moved just slightly back and forth to soothe him. Maybe the only people who would accept her would always be scrubbed of their thoughts, of their lives, of their real feelings; maybe this was her fate, to nurse and take care of those who should have been more capable. But even if that were the truth, then goddamnit, someone had to do it. And as Kravitz began to truly doze, nestled up against her, it became easier for her to assume and accept this new role for the time being.

“Goodnight, Kravitz,” she whispered so softly. He didn’t even respond.

She let herself drift.

When she came to again, it was because he had… ...moved. Was standing upright, albeit swaying like he might fall back into sleep any minute, and his eyes were open but not processing anything. She knew from enough experience with Taako that this was sleepwalking; she had no idea whether or not this was typical for Kravitz, but she got up very slowly and softly in an attempt to guide him back to sleep. “Kravitz, come on now,” she said, voice groggy as she followed him and tried to gently take his hand. “Back to sleep we go.”

He whined. “No… ... _ no… _ Mama… I gotta go get Mama…” Tears were streaming down his face, and he seemed somehow even  _ more _ vulnerable than before. “Mama says she  _ needs _ me…”

“Shh, shh… I know…” She wasn’t about to argue with someone asleep. Asleep and traumatized. Lucretia just led him back to the couch wordlessly, making sure this time that he had a proper pillow behind his head and a blanket to cover him.

“I… I love Mama,” he told her, almost like a whimper.

“I… I know, Kravitz. Shh…”

“She says it’s not for you,” he told her, in one last confusing shot at nonsense.

“Okay,” Lucretia finally tried, awkwardly patting his head. “Okay. Sleep now, okay?”

Thank the gods he did. He was so  _ exhausted _ that she thought he’d be out for a while, but her insomnia had become frustrating in the days following the Story and Song, and she found herself awake and watching over him and trying to keep out of her own mind. She was surprised to find that even though she barely knew him, she was afraid to leave Kravitz alone, so she only dared to move slightly into the kitchen where he’d still be visible, hesitantly turning a single light on so she could write or read. She settled on reading; writing might have been too noisy, and she always had at least one book of poetry on hand. She let herself lose track of time but  _ never _ of him, wary of every single movement or whimper.

And then, the next time he woke up, he snapped awake and  _ screamed. _

This sent  _ everyone _ out of their respective rooms to check on him and soothe him, though he wouldn’t let anyone near him. Tears were absolutely pouring down his face and he was  _ wailing _ in the way a child would after a terrible nightmare, curling up and weeping unabashedly for all the world to see. “No,” he wailed, “ _ nooooo…!! Mama… I want my  _ **_mama…_ ** _ I want my  _ **_mamaaaaa…_ ** ”

For one uncomfortable moment, Lucretia saw the panic turn to absolute pain on Taako’s face, and she felt for him so much. What should have been a good thing, a reunion after something so traumatic and awful, was instead just a continuation of trauma and grief. She understood then how he didn’t get to reunite with the man he loved; the man he loved had instead been replaced by a  _ horribly _ abused child, confused and suspicious. It was a pain she’d experienced in a similar way when she’d reunited with him, actually--not Taako, not aware enough to be Taako, but with his voice and face. Only this, she knew, was so much worse.

It wasn’t fair.

“Kravvy,” Taako had managed to croak out, looking absolutely too exhausted for all of this and still on the verge of collapse and moving towards him slowly, “baby, I know things are so scary and bad right now and everything’s so confusing but you’re  _ okay. _ I promise you’re  _ okay _ now.”

Kravitz blinked at Taako before burying even deeper into his knees, wings covering him desperately although he still didn’t seem to understand them. “You took me from my mama and I  _ want my mama…  _ I  **_hate_ ** you. I  **_hate you!!_ ** ”

This pressed such a button that Lup was the first to grab Taako’s shoulders, trying to steady him. “Taaks, it’s okay, he doesn’t know what he’s--”

“I can’t do this,” Taako informed her, hysteria evident in his voice. “I goddamn can’t--I can’t  _ do _ this. I can’t take it, I just can’t take it, he misses that  _ witch _ and I fucking  _ can’t, _ Lulu, I can’t do it, I can’t--”

“It’s not  _ personal, _ Taako,” Barry was trying to convince him. “It’s okay, he’s just fucked up, but we’re going to get him feeling better, I promise--”

“Don’t fucking  _ touch _ me,” Taako yelped as Barry went to put a hand on his shoulder, backing up into the doorway to his room. The cats mewled in concern. “I’ve tried so hard, I’ve done so much, but I fucking can’t, she did something to his  _ brain _ and I can’t, I can’t, I’ll  **_kill_ ** her, I’ll fucking--fucking  _ kill _ her--”

“Taako,” Lucretia said as calmly as possible, “let’s not say regretful things now.” This was not the time. Kravitz would never trust them now.

“I don’t regret _shit,_ ” he snapped, “I’m goin’ out there and I’m goin’ to where Queenie keeps these real sickos and I’m gonna fuckin’ **_kill_** her, I can’t take him like this, I will fucking **_murder_** that bitch, I--”

And Kravitz screamed like a cornered animal and  _ lunged. _ He wasn’t at all hard for Taako to fight off, given he was so exhausted and starved and haggard, but Lucretia truly felt for him as he sobbed and managed to get Kravitz under a sort of control. He was practically nonverbal now he was so upset, all screams, and Taako was just reduced to tears in a way Lucretia had never truly seen before. “Shhshh, shh, Kravvy, listen--”

Kravitz  _ yelped, _ trying to thrash some more, but Taako held him steady.

“Kravvy, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said those things, shh. Shh. Shhshh… Shh. Taako’s sorry, okay, he’s so sorry. Shh.”

And then Kravitz collapsed, too weak to do anything but sleep. He was on the floor now, fists still clenched tight, and Lup was the one to get him back onto the couch and cozy. No one talked much after that; there was not much else to say. Taako was utterly spent and crawled back into bed, and Lucretia feared for the deep depression in his eyes. All they could do was wait for Merle and hope that he could fix it.

Someone had to.

When everyone was back in bed, Lucretia let herself cry.

 

* * *

 

Lyra let herself be carted off to the Eternal Stockade, of course.

The Wish had left her too weak to do anything else; she’d planned on it. As much as she would have liked to have had enough strength to cut the Raven Queen down herself, the spell was much more important. It left her exhausted, and so of course her opponent would be under the impression that  _ she _ had won this fight, but the truth was that the Mockingbird was simply biding time. It would be miserable and boring for a while, and she’d have to worry a decent amount about her baby, but the payoff was worth it. Just had to take a long rest.

A soul in her purest form, bound nonetheless by bars and restrictions, she began to sing.

Good things came to those who waited.

She watched the Raven Queen go and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. CAN'T. STOP. UPDATING THIS STORY WEEPS OPENLY ON ALL OF YOU I AM *SO SORRY* the inspiration is just a-flowin i tell u what. LOVE U ALL THO <3 thx for being the raddest readers ever.


	14. Chapter 11

When everyone rose for the day, it was to something jarring.

In place of normal Kravitz, there lay a sleeping child of no more than four years old. It was easy to tell that it was the former Reaper, almost undoubtedly, but he was small and had his finger in his mouth as he slept. Lucretia tried to keep her facial features smoothed over and impassive when she went to pass on the news, but it didn’t last long; Lup was on her third “holy _shit_ ,” Barry was in shock, and Taako…

“Oh, _fuck_ that **_insufferable bitch,_ ** ” he spat too loudly, trembling with anger.

Kravitz immediately stirred, and Lucretia tensed up.

“Taako--”

“This was what she wasted _Wish_ on? It wasn’t enough to take him psychologically from me, she just had to rub the salt in the wound,” he was still rambling on, absolutely livid and not even thinking about the words as they left his mouth. “Is _that_ it? Holy fuck, what a fucking--”

But he wasn’t being careful enough. Just like that, Kravitz was conscious, staring up at Taako with an absolutely terrified thousand yard stare, shaking like a maraca. He was clinging to the blanket with little fingers like it was his lifeline now, trying to recoil as far from everyone as possible, and when the wings came out again they were tinier to accommodate his new form. To him, nothing had changed; this was probably how he had perceived himself anyway, but to them it was a huge blow.

Lup cast wary eyes from Kravitz, now trying to huddle into a protective ball, to her justifiably livid brother. “Taako,” she said carefully, “why don’t you ‘n’ me ‘n’ Barry go take a walk.”

“I can’t fucking _believe,_ ” Taako spat, “everyone is being so _calm_ about this. Are you _fucking_ kidding me? ‘Take a walk,’ and for _what._ I’m gonna come back to this, I’m gonna wake up to this every day, I can’t believe this is happening, this is the biggest crock of shit I ever--”

When Lup looked urgently in Barry’s direction, he was on it immediately, carefully sneaking up behind Taako and slinging an arm over his shoulder. “C’mon, buddy,” he urged him as calmly as possible, “let’s all just walk it off.”

That left Lucretia alone with Kravitz again. At the moment, she just felt sorry for the way he was trembling, as though Taako had been yelling at him and about to hurt him _personally,_ and she knew she had to do something. “Kravitz,” she said as softly and calmly as possible, “I need you to know something. You haven’t done anything wrong, okay? That wasn’t your fault.”

He just stared, thoroughly spooked now, and altogether lost. “Bad. Took me from Mama. A bad man.”

Ow. She… ...didn’t know how to explain it to someone his size. She felt sorry that she now had a small child staring up at her with so much fear and confusion and trauma on his face. She knew, without a doubt, that his captor never could’ve loved him as a mother would, because there was no way a mother would force their child to endure something so beyond comprehension, so outrageously frightening. More than anything, in that moment, she wanted to take him in her arms and soothe him and let him know that it was okay, but she didn’t know if she should touch him.

“Taako is… ...very sad, Kravitz,” she finally concluded. “But that’s not your fault, okay? Everyone here loves you very much.”

He shook his head slowly, burying it again in his knees.

“I know it’s hard to believe right now,” she tried to reassure him, “and that’s okay. You don’t have to trust us at all right now, but I just want to make sure you know that Taako loves you _very_ much and we all care about you _so_ much. We want you to be happy. I--”

A knock at the door interrupted things. Lucretia could tell that it was Merle because of his cheesy “shave and a haircut (two bits)” goof, and she almost rolled her eyes for what fantastically bad timing it was. Of course the cats came running because Merle _always_ had catnip for them, but Kravitz _started_ at the knock on the door and then hid behind his wings and under the blanket, shaking so much that Lucretia could have cried just looking at how frightened and pathetic and small and starving he was. “Hold on a moment, Merle,” she tried not to raise her voice too loudly. “It’s okay, Kravitz. It’s just Merle. Do you remember Merle?”

The blanket shook and told her no.

“He made the hurt on your fingers and face go away,” she reminded him kindly. “Remember?”

It took a moment for the blanket to nod and let her know, but yes, he remembered that.

“Okay. I’m not leaving you,” she was trying to be so careful and soft, not wanting him to feel left or abandoned in any way, “but I have to go answer the door and let Merle in, okay? You can still see me if you poke your head out. I’m just going _right_ over to that front door.”

No response from the blanket. Lucretia was surprised at how difficult it felt to leave him there on the couch, even though she knew he’d be okay, and even though she kept reminding herself that he wasn’t her responsibility. He couldn’t be because she barely had her _own_ life together; there was no reasonable way she would _ever_ agree to look after someone so small. But this was the way, for now, she could help her family and so she kept a close eye on his form under the blanket as she went to open the door.

“Hello, Merle,” she said as casually as possible.

The dwarf was already interrupting her, gesticulating wildly and excitedly. “Hey, Lucretia, so had a chat with Pan about the whole Greater Restoration thing and it turns out that it _might_ actually be working! I mean, progress is gonna be slow, so we might not know for a while, but hey, there’s a chance that ol’ Bonejangles here might be back to normal pretty…”

He trailed off at the sight of a small eye blinking out at him from under the blanket. It must have become evident that there were small wings under that blanket, too, because he only had to venture a little way into the room and towards the couch, before it all seemed to click. “Aw, _shit._ Was hopin’ she wouldn’t pull a stunt like that. Must be crazy--it’s not like she’s gonna be able to get outta there and _raise_ the kid anyway!”

The former Reaper _immediately_ started back at Merle’s voice, and the form under the blanket began to shake something so awful. Lucretia didn’t want to think about how her automatic response was to comfort him, so she didn’t. “Shh… ...shh. Kravitz here has been through, um, an awful lot, Merle. We should use soft and gentle voices when he’s in the room from now on, I think.”

The eye that blinked up at her from under the blanket looked at her like she was the entire universe. It was… ...disconcerting, and she was very uncomfortable knowing that this young life had imprinted so desperately upon her. Merle didn’t even notice, trying to go and pat the young boy right on the back and then apologizing again as he flinched away and went back into hiding.

Merle sighed. “Well, then. Has he, uh, slept any?”

“Yes,” she replied, making sure Kravitz could hear. “Yes, he’s been very _good_ about that, but he doesn’t seem to want any food… Poor thing hasn’t had any food in who knows how long. How about just some toast, Kravitz? Does that sound good?”

Wary shake.

“Cereal?”

Shake, shake.

“...Er… ...eggs? Bacon? Oatmeal?”

Shake, shake, shake.

Lucretia was running out of things she knew to make. Taako was far more capable of this kind of thing, of course, but she didn’t know when he’d be back or what he’d be up to when he made it back to the house. “Kravitz, I know this is difficult, but you need to eat _something._ It doesn’t have to be much. A piece of fruit, of bread--but you have to eat, okay? I bet you’re _very_ hungry.”

The figure under the blanket seemed to consider this. He considered this for such a long time that Lucretia thought he might have fallen asleep and she would have to try again later, but eventually, the eye peeked back out and he spoke to her so quietly she almost didn’t hear. “Apple?”

“Yes, we have apples,” she reassured him. She hadn’t exactly _checked,_ but she felt it was safe to assume that a world-renowned chef would have apples in his kitchen. “Would you like an apple, Kravitz?”

From under the blanket, he nodded.

“Okay. Are you going to stay under that blanket?”

Nod.

Well, this was certainly an instance where she had to pick and choose her battles. She quietly advised Merle not to sit too close and rummaged around until she found a Red Delicious apple and gave it a good wash, then returned with it. “Now, I need you to eat the whole apple, or we’re going to have to see if there’s something else you’ll eat. I know you might not feel hungry, and that’s okay. This apple is all you need to eat, Kravitz, and then we’re done. Okay?”

A slow nod, and then his hand extended out right quick to get the apple, then retracted as fast as possible. He was shaking, she noticed; she wondered if he’d stopped any other time than when she’d managed to sing to him. But soon she heard the sound of him munching away at the apple, which was good enough for her, and she could relax when he slowly handed her the core and peeked out at her with one eye again, not daring to show his face.

“That’s so good, Kravitz,” she praised him. “Thank you.”

Merle sat with her at the kitchen table, occasionally eyeing what he knew was a small winged boy under the blanket. “So… ...so what do we do now?”

“I… I don’t know,” Lucretia admitted, sighing. “I… I’m kind of hoping that he learns that he doesn’t have to fear Lup or Barry, and _especially_ not Taako, but he’s not taking it well understandably. I’m willing to stay here to help, but this whole situation is… ...entirely unfortunate. I guess we’ll just have to figure it out as we go along.”

The cleric with her nodded sympathetically. “Well, uh, not ‘xactly thrilled to take on anymore responsibility than I’ve got at the moment but if you guys need anything…”

“Oh, no. I completely understand. I doubt that _I’ll_ be here much longer for the same reasons.” She kept her voice low enough so as not to be detected, hopefully. “This may surprise some of you, but I’ve spent years pretending to have all my shit together; I’m kind of ready to _not_ be the authority, you know? And well, I just don’t know how much good I can do in this situation, and I don’t want Taako hating me anymore than he does, so it’s probably for the best if I… ...remain detached.”

Merle was smiling now. “Yeah, well,” he said, sounding on the verge of laughter, “good luck with that, Lucretia.”

She had _no idea_ what he was talking about and chalked it up to another one of his goof ‘em ups--until she noticed Kravitz trying to make himself extremely scarce under the table, trying to pretend he wasn’t close to her leg. He reminded her somewhat of a baby duckling imprinted upon her, and at that moment, as she noticed his wide eyes taking in the entire world and deeming her just good enough, she knew it would be more difficult than she thought not to get too attached to this child. This… ...child version. Of… ...Taako’s boyfriend. He was still covering himself with the wings, only daring to show her brief glimpses of his face, but every time he did he made it clear that she was the only one right now who didn’t absolutely terrify him down to his--well, bones.

“What are you doing under there?”

Kravitz _startled_ like he hadn’t meant for her to catch him, flapped his wings involuntarily, then tried to _dart_ out from under the table. Unfortunately, he was too quick and banged his head, but he tried to ignore it and keep moving away, away from where he’d been seen. It sounded like it hurt, but he wasn’t willing to stop, wings almost attempting to take flight where none could be seen.

“Kravitz, don’t hurt yourself,” Lucretia sighed, as his little black wings made _thwap-thwap_ noises against everything and he was trying to frantically worm his way back under the blanket. “Oh, boy. Oh, dear. It’s okay, I promise… You’re _okay._ ”

“I want my mama,” he told her flatly, blanket over him again.

“I know you do, Kravitz. I know, but--”

“Wake up, Mama,” he whispered, back in his trauma trance.

Back to square one, she guessed. “Somehow I don’t think I’m making _that_ much progress with him, Merle.”

Merle shrugged, warm and casual even in dire situations as always. “Just wishin’ you luck, is all. Couldn’t we all use a bit of that anyway?”

She sighed, rubbing her temples. “I suppose so, yes. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

He stayed like that under the blanket until the arrival of Taako and the remaining Reapers jarred him, during which point she watched his form become a shaking and shivering mess all over again. Lup was actually the first to greet him, managing to pull the blanket up a little and peek inside. “Hey there, little guy. We just wanted to let you know that we’re good guys. Want us to prove it? We brought you a present.”

He started back again, wings continuing to flap desperately before the blanket was off and he was trying to cover his head with his hands.

“Not even a present, huh? Not even if I told you it was super duper good?”

Taako presented it wordlessly, and Lucretia smiled to see it. It was a little plush raven with a blue smiling beak. There was a card, too, that read “from: Taako and Queenie. We love you,” and Lucretia could tell from the bright hot pink lettering who was responsible for that. He brought no attention to that, though, as he pretended as though it were flying to sit on Kravitz’s shoulder. “‘Lup didn’t even tell you the _best_ part, did she?’” Taako was so good at doing voices, and Kravitz absolutely bought it, staring at the bird in awe. “‘I play songs like you! Just hold my wing.’”

Awestruck, Kravitz reached for it as though holding someone’s hand.

“Clair de Lune” began to play, and when it did, a soft blue light came from within the bird. Evidently something about it made Kravitz feel safe, because he plucked it off his own shoulder and clutched it to his chest. His eyes were already heavy; Lucretia wondered how much sleep he’d need in the next little while, and then figured it would probably be a lot. They all watched and were careful not to make much noise as he curled up with his newfound friend on a very small section of the couch and slipped back into sleep.

Frankly, Lucretia was… ...awed. This was the softest thing she’d ever seen from Taako, and she was incredibly touched. “That was so kind,” she whispered. “I know this is hard, but I’m--I’m so _proud_ of--”

“Right?” Lup blurted, unable to contain herself. “I was like, ‘wow Taaks, way to be!’”

“Don’t mention it,” Taako waved it off, in a way that meant _really seriously please don’t mention this to anyone else for the love of Istus._ “He’s not gonna be like this forever, but--but I love him, so I can’t act like an ass. Homeboy’s gotta step it up to the plate, y’know?”

“Didn’t give you too much trouble, did he?”

Lucretia considered Barry’s question carefully, remembering that intense look in Kravitz’s eye, the sense that right now she was all he had to depend upon. She thought about how much she didn’t want to _be_ in that role, literally ever, for anyone. And then she thought of how he’d nearly started all but clinging to her legs, even in the aftermath of such a horrendous thing, and she knew that if Taako could get over his own baggage to try to take care of Kravitz, she could too.

“I don’t think so,” she whispered, considering his form. “I don’t think so at all.”

They all came to the conclusion that Merle was right--it didn’t make _any_ sense for her to use a Wish like this if she weren’t planning something extra, because Lyra would believe that _she_ earned the right to parent Kravitz and would never hand that over to anyone else. Whatever the case, they resolved that they would protect him at all costs, and when Taako had to retire to his room, Lucretia felt that all the more fiercely as she looked upon this young thing in need of care.

“I’m so sorry she did this to you,” she apologized softly, “but I’m going to do what I can to make things right. Really, truly right this time.”

When he snuggled into her and called her “Mama,” she tried to breathe and take it in stride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my name is Crindy and welcome to "this plot did a Thing without my permission!!!" starring me
> 
> anyway, uh. ... hopefully this chapter was still good LMAO <3 love you all, thank you so much for all your comments and replies and support. i appreciate all of it a lot. big hugz.


	15. Chapter 12

Lucretia was beginning to think she’d never get a decent night’s sleep again.

Of course, she couldn’t really recall the last time she slept well. It had to have been sometime during the IPRE days, when she was young and relatively guiltless (it said a lot about her current conscience that she remembered fleeing from a cosmic devourer of worlds as a particularly restful experience). But this was the second night she was up worrying about Kravitz, and this time he was so much smaller and it was easy to see his vulnerability. Even as he rested, cuddling his new raven stuffed animal, drooling on a couch pillow Lucretia had placed gingerly behind his head and comforted by a fuzzy blanket, the bags under his eyes were so prominent. His wings were out even in his sleep, twitching, and he murmured little phrases now and then.

The one that made her most uncomfortable, obviously, was “Mama.” And now she was unable to concentrate on reading, because he’d gotten up with the blankets draping off of him and eyes half-closed and he’d started to stumble to the piano. Of course they had a grand piano; it was beautiful and, from what Lucretia understood, Kravitz played at it often. But it was disconcerting to see him now so tiny and obviously asleep climbing up on the bench. He was so small he couldn’t even reach the pedals.

“Kravitz,” she said as softly as possible, hurrying to his side, “let’s just go back to sleep now, hm?”

Any attempt to pry him from the piano led to a  _ panic, _ and he started to cry and then  _ scream. _ The rest of the inhabitants of the house arrived just in time to witness Lucretia realizing that--oh, he was wetting himself in terror. She’d never… ...dealt with this before. Angus was the only other child she’d ever really had to take care of, and he was long past days wherein this might have been a problem, but here this child was and a puddle was forming. “Don’t let them  _ take _ me,” he was whining.

Taako was the first to emerge again. He’d been taking to this situation in an entirely different way than Lucretia had; where she was  _ losing _ sleep, it was almost as though he couldn’t stop. He didn’t mean to heap everything on others, she knew. He was just too heartbroken and rattled by the entire situation to be conscious, and she couldn’t fault him for that. Lup was by his side almost constantly, and Barry followed her, so--so yes, that resulted in scenes like this. Despite the overwhelming exhaustion written all over his features, he was quick to snap up and check on everyone to make sure things were okay.

(No one said that they feared it, Lyra’s prison break. No one said it, but they were all aware.)

“Kravvy, what’s up? More nightmares, huh?” That was when he cast his gaze towards the pool of urine and the young Reaper’s soaked pants, eyes wide at first in surprise and recognition, then sort of vaguely awkward and embarrassed. “Oh. Oh, okay, cool.”

“He just got so frightened,” Lucretia tried, “that’s all. He was sleepwalking and I was trying to get him back to bed and--”

“Anyone got any super small clothes?” Lup was the one taking charge now, and it was odd, but everyone let her do it. Maybe it was because everyone else was too awkward, but whatever the case, they were all thankful for her. “No? Okay, well, I know exactly two dudes who’ve got a few small outfits lyin’ around. Might as well hit ‘em up.”

“Really, Lulu?” Taako groaned, suddenly looking embarrassed. “Our choices are  _ our captain _ or  _ Fantasy Dwarf Jimmy Buffet? _ Yeesh, I know Krav’s goin’ through some shit, but let the man keep his dignity for cryin’ out loud.”

“You got any  _ better _ ideas?”

“Well,” Taako sputtered, withering under her gaze slightly, “well, uh… Enlarge/Reduce can’t be used on stuff you wear, so…”

“So no,” Lup declared smugly, “you don’t. Okay, then. Lemme just hit Highchurch up on the ol’ Stone of Farspeech.” Taako groaned again, probably picturing a small Kravitz in what could only be described as the gaudiest and tackiest floral shirts imaginable, and Lucretia had to try not to chuckle in spite of everything. “Look, dude. The guy’s a dwarf and he has  _ kids. _ What more do you want from me?”

It was finally starting to register to Taako that this was the best option they were going to get considering the circumstances, and he sighed. “Okay, fine. Point taken. Can’t afford to be picky. Hit ‘em up, Lu.”

She did, and while she did the others tried their hand at comforting Kravitz, who was still mostly asleep. He had quieted, now, and thankfully wasn’t nearly as full of terror or tears, but he was awfully confused. “Mama…?” He asked of Lucretia, and again she shied away from any kind of responsibility like that. She saw the hurt on Taako’s face, and then she saw the jealousy and the anger; she wished he wouldn’t feel like that, because gods knew she didn’t  _ want _ this, but she also couldn’t fault him.

Awkwardly, she took Kravitz’s hand. “No, Kravitz,” she told him as softly as possible, “no, it’s Lucretia. Remember?”

“Mm,” he murmured, “‘kay.”

She was relieved that went over so well. It was uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons, but one of the chief among them was that Kravitz kept trying to doze off against her. She felt bad that she couldn’t allow him to sleep until Merle got there with a change of clothes, but he eventually did, and the little former Reaper was so asleep that he didn’t even react to the knock at the door or the different voices.

“All right, Kravitz,” Lucretia finally said, “let’s go get you--”

“ _ I _ can do it,” Taako insisted suddenly, standing to attention. That was uncomfortable in its own way, because he was so clearly spent after the other day; although he was alert and alive with nerves and worry, there was still the sense looking at his face that this had all been too much, and it wasn’t hard at all to feel that he was close to collapse.

“Taaks, hold on,” Lup was the first to speak up, and Lucretia was relieved. She doubted that any opinion of hers would be well-received; it was true that he’d asked her to stay and needed her help, but he still wore the bitterness and the distrust as close to the surface as he could manage without worrying Kravitz. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Kinda seems like Lucy’s got this one--”

This was the wrong thing to say, evidently. He responded like a reflex out of pain, too honest for one brief second to hide it and they all knew him well enough to catch the look playing out on his face. “Listen,” he hissed, “I’m sick of being depressed ‘n’ drained while Lucretia over there gets to play  _ nanny _ with my boyfriend, okay?” Bitterness, yes, but above all a hurt. She felt it and hurt for him. “I--I wanna help him,  _ too. _ I wanna be someone he can depend on, a-always. ‘n’  _ forever. _ I wanna do it. Let  _ me _ do it.”

“Taako,” Lucretia murmured, and she wished so much things were easier for him, for all of them.

“Don’t. I don’t need your pity, okay? I just wanna pull my weight in this situation. It--It’s not even  _ permanent, _ we’re gonna make  _ sure _ it’s not, so--so  _ I’ll _ take him, okay?” Before anyone could stop him, he was reaching for Kravitz’s hand. “Hey, Kravvy--”

Kravitz froze in terror, staring up at him with wide eyes. “No… ... _ no. _ A bad man. I wan’ Mama…  _ Mama… _ ”

“Fuck,” Taako whispered before he could help himself, ears drooping. “Shit. No, baby, I promise--I’d never hurt you. I’d never do anything to make you unsafe. I just wanna get you into some nice warm jammies, that’s all. How’s that sound?”

“Don’  _ take _ me,” he screeched in response, wings covering him as he backed away from Taako and nearly tripped. “Don’ let ‘em  _ take _ me Mama, please, please, I wan’ my  _ mama… _ I wan’ my  _ mama… Mamaaaaa… Noooooo…!! _ ” He kept backing up until he backed right up into Lup, who evidently looked similar enough to Taako (or unfamiliar enough to anyone he  _ recognized _ ) that he burst into unabashed tears, yelling and trying to run and hide, wings still flapping as desperately as he could manage.

“Kravitz,” Lucretia called out, following him over to the couch where he was getting tangled up in the blanket. “Kravitz, Kravitz, shh… Shhshh, shh… Shh, it’s Lucretia, come to me. Come here. Come to me, sweetie.”

The poor thing was absolutely sobbing now, shivering and wracked with terror. He hadn’t given up on trying to struggle with the blanket, getting more and more tangled up in it as he thrashed around, and finally--

\--finally, it took the quick thinking of Barry. They all glanced in his direction as he found his way to the plush raven and pressed its wing. It immediately began emitting that soft, comforting glow of blue and playing soft piano (this time it was Brahms’ “Wiegenlied”), and as it did, Kravitz slowly stopped moving and crying. Where before he had been fighting the blanket, now he was curling up with it, thumb in his mouth and wings draping themselves around him. He wasn’t quite asleep, but definitely entranced and soothed, and Lucretia looked at Taako to see what he’d like her to do.

“Go on,” he sighed. “I just want him to be… ...peaceful.”

She felt horribly guilty anyway as she gently made her way over to the small boy and scooped him up. “That’s it, Kravitz… Nothing frightening, see? Just putting on some new pajamas and then you can go right back to sleep, okay?”

“Mama,” he sighed, nuzzling Lucretia lovingly. “I had such a bad dream… ...bad… ...took me away…” She didn’t know how to respond as he pouted just slightly about it, cuddling her so close and clinging to her in a way nothing had ever quite done before. “Where we goin’...?”

“Shhshhshh,” she hushed him. It was probably best not to correct him at this point. “Come on now, Kravitz.”

Changing him was awkward, but she just couldn’t think about it. She was purely task-oriented as she did it, swapping out his little blue pants for something with way too many bright floral patterns on it. Taako would  _ hate _ her for this, but she got the shirt off him too, figuring he’d be more comfortable in something fresh. It was silly to see him looking like a garish and touristy caricature, even as he was so small now, and she tried not to giggle as she regarded him. Staring up at her through sleepy half-lidded eyes, unaware of the surroundings, thumb in his mouth and absolutely covered in tacky hibiscus patterns. It was… ...kinda hilarious.

Bless Merle, honestly.

“Lookin’ sharp,” he regarded Kravitz fondly, grinning from ear to ear.

Just about everyone was trying not to laugh now with the exception of Taako, who seemed less than amused by this entire thing. “I know you helped me out in a major way today, Merle,” he admitted, “and that’s super cool of you, but I also know you totally did this to my boy on  _ purpose. _ Look at him. He’s just so  _ tacky _ now. Ugho.”

“Let’s just hope he doesn’t remember anything when we age him back up.” Even Barry was smiling slightly despite himself.

“You kiddin’?” Lup smiled wryly in response. “I can’t  _ wait _ to use this shit for blackmail.”

Again, it was something unspoken, but everyone knew what it meant when Taako exchanged just a glance with his twin sister. They knew that these jokes were important, because they meant that everything was going to go back to normal, that one day they’d be able to look back on all this and laugh, and that was going to get them through everything about this misadventure. Especially Taako, Lucretia couldn’t help but think, as she carried Kravitz over to the couch and put the blanket over him, watching as he clung instinctively to the stuffed bird and his pillow.

“Well, Highchurch, this was supes fun and all, but get the fuck out of my house, puh-lease.”

Once he did and everyone else had retreated to their respective rooms, Lucretia found that she couldn’t help sitting next to Kravitz. This time, as he snuggled into her and murmured something unintelligible, she let it happen without worry. This was going to be fixed somehow, and she was going to help as much as she possibly could.

“Love you,” Kravitz murmured.

Lucretia knew she didn’t deserve it.

 

* * *

 

When Taako was roused from sleep, it was because Kravitz was playing the piano.

It always made him smile whenever his boy tickled the ivories. There was just a  _ way _ he did it that was so godsdamned classy, and he looked so free and eloquent every time. Sure, Taako had a hard time appreciating the classics; it was supes embarrassing, ‘cuz he’d even tried to score Krav tix to some of the best opera ‘n’ symphonic shows around, only to doze off out of boredom, and sometimes he thought it wouldn’t kill the guy to listen to some Fantasy Beyoncé once in a while (hell-- _ everyone _ could’ve used  _ that _ experience). But he loved the way  _ Kravitz _ played, the way his passions for the pieces were always so evident, the smile on his face whenever he let the music take him. It was a damned shame, Taako privately thought sometimes, that Kravitz  _ hadn’t _ ever been a conductor, ‘cuz if  _ anyone _ was gonna do a good job it was his boy, natch.

In the place between waking and dreaming, Taako smiled for what he was gonna find. Krav’d greet him with a kiss and a “g’morning, love,” and Taako could get started on breakfast (he was thinkin’ maybe pancakes today, hmm). Probably wouldn’t be long before Kravitz got called away on some Reaper bullshit, but maybe his presence today meant that he had a little bit of time to spend with his obvs desperately lonely boyfriend. ‘Sides, even if he had to up and leave soon, it wasn’t like he’d be gone  _ long _ or anything--

\--and then,  _ whoosh. _ Reality rushed back into Taako and hit him like a fuckin’ freight train, which he so didn’t need right now. The piano playing was legit for defsies, ‘specially considering the current circumstances, but--but it wasn’t regular ordinary Krav he’d find out there, ready for kisses ‘n’ cuddles. He had to know that and come to terms with it before he staggered out of his room because otherwise his heart was gonna break all over again. He made sure to sink to such a deep depression that he didn’t care by the time he made it out of the room.

Yup, there he was. A wunderkind and a half for sure, but he was… ...well, too tiny. And too traumatized. And all of it hurt too much, so. “Mornin’, all. What’cha playin’, Kravvy?”

So he was doing his best, and he’d  _ keep _ doing his best, ‘cuz there was nothing else to do.

Kravitz didn’t know to appreciate this, though, his playing stopping with a disastrous clang on the keys as he flinched and started using his wings to cover himself.

“Still scared of me, huh,” Taako intoned, trying not to sound as monotone and morose as he felt about this particular subject. “Well, uh… ...well, that’s okay, Krav. I just want you to know that your playing’s, um.” Oh, the frog in his throat could go live in the swamps of  _ Hell _ instead for all he cared. “It’s really pretty. You’re really good, Kravvy.”

“Isn’t he, though? Doesn’t even need to read music or anything.” Thank god it was the sound of Lulu behind him, ready to come to the rescue. “Hell, when we were his age, I don’t even know if we could read, period. Nice to see you’re finally up ‘n’ out of bed.”

“Tch, it’s not  _ that _ late,” Taako scoffed, and then immediately doubted his own words. “Is it?”

“Afternoon, my guy,” Lup filled him in, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “‘S’okay, though. We all know you need your  _ beauty sleep. _ ”

“Get bent,” he retorted, but there was no heart on it. “I mean, it’s  _ true, _ but get bent anyhow. Y’all have breakfast without me, then? Smells good out here so that’s def a yes.”

“Still leftover pancakes if you want ‘em,” Lup let him know.

“How about, uh… ...you know who?” He gestured over to the little Kravitz, who was still too timid now to keep playing the piano for his company. Was probably better not to say his name and spook him even more. “Any luck with that, or what?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Lucretia sighed. Taako didn’t want to admit it, but he felt kinda smug hearing about this. At least there was  _ one _ area with Baby Genius Kravitz that Lucy didn’t have covered instead of him. It wasn’t actually borne out of resentment for Lucretia, anyway. ...Well, okay, maybe some of it, but  _ most _ of it was just his desire to help his boy out. Couldn’t have been  _ that _ hard to do. He hated knowing Krav was so scared, no matter the circumstance, and he had to do  _ right _ by ‘im.

So he made that his new mission, arching an eyebrow. “You try to offer  _ him _ any pancakes?”

“Yup,” Lup sighed. “Homemade syrup and everything! No dice.”

“All he’s had is an apple,” Lucretia said, visibly distressed. “If we don’t get him to eat something substantial--”

And then it hit him because Taako was a genius, natch. A  _ Kravitz _ genius. Hell, he’d practically majored in Kravology at the school of Wicked Handsome Bone Boys and Their Significant Others, and no stupid Wish could keep him from knowing Kravitz’s tastes better than anyone in that entire room. The smile that enveloped his face was too wide for the situation, but it was all about the tiny victories right now, and it was enough to keep him going. He cleared his throat as obnoxiously as possible, then hip-bumped Lulu out of the kitchen.

“Outta my way, nerds,” he demanded, all confidence and charisma now. “I’ve got some  _ pancakes _ to make.”

With a crack of the knuckles, he was off.

It was soothing to make food during times like this, anyhow, because food made sense when nothing else did. Putting together wicked delicious dishes was easier sometimes than fitting his own life together in any way that meant anything, and it was almost like muscle memory that he got into a kind of groove. He couldn’t help but smile widely and warmly once he noticed quiet Kravitz finally taking notice of him without fear, enticed by the smell and sight of Taako working away in the kitchen.

“One plate of apple cinnamon pancakes, hot off the griddle! Anyone want any?”

“Kravitz,” Lucretia asked him in a low and gentle voice, “don’t those look  _ good? _ ”

“Mhm,” he agreed, thumb in his mouth.

“Would you like some?”

“Mhm,” he said again, getting down off the piano bench. Taako wasn’t such a fan of the way he ducked behind Lucretia and tried to hide himself with his wings, but hey--literal baby steps, honestly. He made sure to serve Kravitz with as much love as he would even if things  _ weren’t _ janked to high hell, even going so far as to make a smiley face on his plate. It was cliche and stupid, but it put the kid at ease and got him to stuff his face, so it was good enough.

By the time he was through, straight as an arrow and not at all syrup sticky, he looked like he could just about fall into a food coma. He yawned loudly and, reaching for Lucretia and clinging to her, conked out almost immediately. Taako was trying to figure out what kind of emotion he felt when Lucretia tucked him in so nice and then decided to risk it and bring over his stupid stuffed toy. He took it automatically, snuggling into it.

“‘nk you,” he yawned.

“You’re  _ always _ welcome, Kravvy,” Taako whispered, giving him a little forehead kiss.

Everyone was kinda quiet after that. It was tough to know what to say, and he could feel the way they all wanted to comfort and coddle him and spring to his aid. But he was surprised to find that he was kind of chill with the whole thing, just for now. Of course he was still on red alert for any sign of the grade A bitch that did this to Kravitz, and stuff was actually literally fucked up for realskies, but… ...as he busied himself doing the one dish that the pancakes had dirtied and saw the way the cats curled up and cuddled with the young boy on the couch…

...he just knew. Kravitz was still in there, the Kravitz they knew and loved, being blocked and buried at every turn but still  _ extant. _ And it’d take a hell of a lot of hard work on everyone’s part, but for now, he knew what to do. He’d just keep reminding his boy that he cared, same as always, same as he’d want and need, and… ...and that would be enough.

Just for now, love would have to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO. two updates to two stories in ONE DAY i'm crushin it (and also doing NaNoWriMo so that explains it LMAO). hope this was good and as always thank u sm for ur support. <3 i love you all. this was sort of a mellow chapter but w/e. it's just GONNA BE sometimes okay,,, bye


	16. Chapter 13

A belly full of warm and tasty pancakes made for a very drowsy Kravitz. For the time being, this meant that he slept so heavily that no nightmares or somnambulism plagued him, and it helped set everyone at ease to see how peacefully he had finally managed to sleep on the couch. There was still too much that nobody wanted to say; there were still too many things that they didn’t _dare_ to, but it was a peaceful enough day and nobody was willing to look that particular gift horse in the mouth.

He didn’t stir at _all_ until Magnus dropped by, just the latest to be concerned. Wasn’t fair, but Taako couldn’t help but feel a little resentful at how _loud_ and _obvious_ Mags was, everywhere he went; wasn’t gonna voice it, but when his big booming knocks and greeting finally got the bird boy to sit up and stare at the door before trying to hide, it… ...sucked. He’d gotten a good heavy nap in for sure, but the bags under his eyes were still so heavy and he still needed… ...time. And quiet. And Taako felt mega protective, so.

“Finally got him to sleep,” he sighed at his new guest, “but I guess that’s whatever. Come on in, Mags.”

Magnus blinked in surprise, obviously not meaning any harm, and Taako immediately felt like an ass. “Oh, uh, whoops. Sorry ‘bout that, Taako! I just wanted to come by ‘n’ see how everyone was. How’s Kravitz doin’?”

“It’s fine,” Taako murmured, purposefully averting his eyes. “Don’t mention it. Um, like I said, you can come on in, Mags--let’s talk inside.” Suddenly he realized he could see a little moving blur a little ways back and hear the familiar sound of a dog panting, and his ears perked up as he put the pieces together. “You brought a dog? Maybe not the best call right now, Magnus.”

“Guilty as charged, but hear me out--”

“Krav is so spooked right now,” Taako spat, and he sounded a little more stressed than he wanted to, which was utterly gross. Yuckaroo. “And my house is full of _cats._ What were you _thinking?_ ”

“I know how it seems like a weird idea at first, but look--they’re trained to help people who have been through really traumatic stuff! I thought this little lady could do Kravitz some good today.” He stepped aside to reveal some kind of spaniel, mostly black with some white. “She’s real gentle and sweet, but I thought her name was _real_ good--it’s Crowley! Not like ‘raven’ exactly, but close, right?”

Fuck. She was staring up at Taako with the wisest eyes he’d ever seen on a dog, and he wasn’t even a _dog_ person. She was being quiet and gentle and--and her name was _Crowley,_ fuck you Magnus, goddamnit, shit. “If she bothers the cats or barks or nips or anything,” he warned Magnus with a hushed hiss, “I will kick you both so out you forget my damn address. Capice?”

Of course Magnus just laughed. Ugh. “She’s not gonna be a bother, Taako. She’s really good or I wouldn’t be bringing her over here, I promise. She’s a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and I’ve been lookin’ for the right owner for her and everything. If it doesn’t work out, it’s no big deal, but I really think this could be a good idea!”

“Fine,” he reluctantly agreed, if only because she was quiet and soft and polite and staring up at him (and frankly very pretty for a dog, not that he wanted to admit anything was _great_ about dogs). “C’mon, Mags ‘n’ Crowley. Inside voices, puh-lease.”

He stepped aside and let them both in, and right when he did, of course Magnus’s eyes gravitated towards Kravitz on the couch. Of course he was all set to say something about it, gasping, but Taako barely paid any attention to it by the time the words left his mouth. “Kravitz,” he said, “he’s--”

“Yup.”

“But when I saw him last, he--”

“Yeah.”

“So she…?”

“You bet’cha.”

“Whoof,” Magnus exhaled, giving him a stupid look of pity. “That’s rough. What’re you gonna do?”

“Figuring it out as we go, Mags,” Taako sighed, but now he was more focused on the dog. Most dogs were slobbery ‘n’ drooly and charming enough, but also sorta idiots, right? But this dog got right down to business, which was something he could respect in a weird kind of way, and she went right over to tiny Kravitz on the couch and nudged his tiny hand, giving him enough space when he flinched. He was mesmerized by the interaction, watching supes carefully.

“Hey, Kravitz,” Magnus greeted him with a surprising carefulness. “I’m Magnus. Remember me?”

Kravitz snapped _up_ like a rubber band, terror in his eyes. Crowley nudged him again, just a little, in response. He didn’t dare touch her yet, Taako could tell; he was worried he wasn’t _allowed_ to do it, looking for all the world like he was guilty of some terrible crime or something just ‘cuz this dog was trying to be friendly, and it felt like a knife in Taako’s chest was twisting around. Wasn’t fair for him to be so scared that he could scarcely _move,_ not even daring to shake or nod his head in response.

“Well, that’s okay,” Magnus reassured him. “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a friend with me. Her name’s Crowley. She can be your friend too, if you want. Huh, girl?”

Kravitz’s eyes darted frantically from Magnus’s imposing form to the dog, who was sitting politely and demurely by him and just waiting for any kind of pet. His hands were shaking, but Taako was rapt as he watched the boy start to give her a good pet, realizing that he wasn’t going to get hurt if he enjoyed or needed it. She gave his hand a soft lick and then came closer, nuzzling him just some, just a little. “My friend…?”

“Yup! In fact, if you want, she can stay with you. Did you know she’s just for people who have been through some scary things? She’s here to help you feel better and safe.” Ugh, Mags was… ...always too good at being a good person, and the explanation was a fucking home run. His wizard companion watched the way it got through to Krav, the way his eyes glimmered with a sort of understanding and deep thought as he continued to pet her. “She can protect you and give you someone to love and hug. She won’t make it all better, I know, but--”

“Hi, Crowley,” he whispered to her, a reverence in his eyes. “‘m Kravvy. That’s the same almost.” He was studying her so close, petting her so so soft, and it was difficult for Taako not to feel such a ridiculously real pang of _love_ for him because Istus knew there were so many kids who’d just paw at this thing, demand its attention, yell and get all kinds of excited. But he treated her with a restraint, a carefulness, the same kind of gentleness she had for him, and it was--it was--

“Taako, are you crying?”

This got _everyone_ to glance his way, especially Lup, who was all set and ready to coddle him. “No way,” he insisted, wiping at his tears right quick. “Prob’ly all kinds of allergic to this damn thing. Somethin’ in my eye.”

Kravitz wasn’t even regarding the other adults anymore. “I was with my mama one day,” he was confiding to the dog, “and then the next I wasn’t. But with you, it’s not scary… ...because you’ll keep the bad away. Right?”

She nuzzled him in response.

“Okay. I like you, too. This is my other friend. Raven…? Yeah, that’s a good name. I like that.”

It was the most they’d heard him talk in forever. And it was to a fucking _dog._ Life, sometimes. Sheesh.

“So what d’you think, Taako?” Magnus was just _grinning._ Of course he was; he knew exactly what he was doing by coming over here and bringing some pooch ‘round, even if he didn’t know about Kravitz’s specific age at the time. Ugh. “Again, if you don’t wanna take care of a dog, it’s totally understandable. No big deal. I’ll just take her back if you--”

“Um, no. We’re _obviously_ keeping her, probably forever. And you _know_ that, so back the hell up.”

His grin was so big and so warm and so smug. “Yeah, I know.”

“My brother’ll never say it, but thanks a lot for this, Maggie,” Lup piped up from somewhere. “We super appreciate it. More’n any of us can say.”

He shrugged lazily. “No problem, Lup! Figured I’d just lend a hand in whatever way I can, y’know?”

As Kravitz rested his entire head on his new best bud, calmer than they’d ever seen him and looking at this animal with all the love in the world, it was easy for everyone to tell that he’d done a good job. The trouble came when Mags wanted to endear himself _to_ Kravitz, if only ‘cuz Krav was too skittish to appreciate or accept offers for piggyback rides or playing or ice cream or whatever. But he knew when to back down, and everyone was grateful for him there.

“If you want a more, like, human presence,” he offered, “I could always be like a bodyguard or somethin’. I don’t mind.”

“Nah,” Taako dismissed it probably too quickly. “This lady’s wicked powerful ‘n’ I don’t want--” Anyone else getting hurt? “Uh, just no, okay? Dog can at least wake us up if there’s any shady business so we can kick some ass, but we’re good.”

“You sure? I mean, I have the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom and--”

“Thank you, Magnus,” Lucretia interrupted him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “But I think this is good enough for now. We’d like to keep everyone as safe as possible.”

“Okay, okay,” he backed off, then mumbled under his breath. “I just wanted to punch, is all.”

Lup was the one to place a hand on his shoulder sympathetically now. “ _Trust_ me,” she reassured him, “we’re _all_ feelin’ that right now, I can tell you that much for sure. But as much as it pains me to say it, I kinda don’t think brute force is the answer just yet. We’re just being patient with everything. Boring, right?”

“Yeah,” Magnus admitted, sighing, “but I get it. Okay, then. I won’t rush in. ...for _now._ But if you guys need anything, _anything_ at all, please don’t hesitate to--”

“Actually, now that you mention it,” Barry said, “don’t dogs usually eat dog food?”

“Oh, yeah! My bad.”

And then he was off to get dog food, as quickly as he had come.

When Kravitz slept next, it was with Crowley curled up with him, and they seemed almost inseparable. Again, it was so peaceful that no one dared disturb it; everyone talked in whispers when they had to at all, even Lup. It was during this time that Taako had the most time to think, feeling okay enough with everything that he could lie down in his room and stare up at the ceiling, and he started to realize something.

If someone like Lyra, a crazy bitch and a half for sure but still ultra magical, had to resort to using something like Wish to age Krav down… ...he had no idea what else to do. That was the first thing that occurred to him in there, while in an almost trancelike state. He’d have to Wish Krav back up, and it would take a hell of a toll on him if he did it. Everyone was bound to protest; he’d have to know that going in, that Lulu especially wouldn’t want him expending all that energy, ‘specially not after he nearly killed himself yanking himself and Krav out of Lyra’s torture box like a bad tooth. The second thing he thought was that he’d fucking do it anyway, he’d do _anything_ for Kravitz godsdamnit, so their hypothetical and imaginary opinions were boring and uncalled for. And the third thing--the third thing hurt, but whatever.

It was the knowledge that he couldn’t do it right away.

Firstly because he _had_ just about died trying to get Krav to safety and he needed time to rest, but secondly and more importantly because--because Kravitz wasn’t _ready._ Sure a good heap of this was Lyra’s way of telling Taako and Queenie to go fuck themselves, the fault of magic in the hands of the wrong person, but it was also… ...a way for Kravitz to deal, maybe. That part was just speculation on Taako’s end, but it wasn’t too far-fetched, was it? She made him small and vulnerable; he had to _be_ small to survive. He had to be cute and submissive and the perfect surrogate son, which was so fucked that Taako nearly wanted to puke the thought up and out, purge it from him. But true. He… ...he was too fragile to be an adult right now, and even _if_ he were aged up, Wish had all these tricky loopholes.

Like--maybe it’d age Krav up without the memories, so they’d be back to square one and he’d just be more difficult to hold. Or _maybe_ it’d age him up too far, wrack him with dementia so Taako had to watch him wither away, or _maybe--_

He’d just have to be careful, and he’d have to… ...help Kravitz get his memories back first.

Make it safe for him to do that.

He missed him so much, every waking moment, every time he stopped to think about it and saw an abused child in his lover’s place. But he knew as he sat there working through all this stuff in his head that he loved him too much to rush him; he didn’t want to like, retraumatize him or give him even more of a reason to be afraid. Taako was indelicate, but this was a delicate situation, and he had to learn to be gentle just for the sake of his boy. And he’d do it, natch. And get _good_ at it.

And pieces of Krav would come back, one by one.

He just had to trust it.

“There’s somethin’ else you haven’t thought of, y’know,” Lup said later, as though he hadn’t exhausted every possible thought in the past four hours it’d taken him to achieve a long rest. It was almost insulting.

“Yeah? And what’s that, hm?”

“We’re gonna have to take him outside.”

His reaction was _visceral_ ; he almost doubled over for how deeply it affected him right then. “Fuck you, no way. He just barely got _safe_ here; I ain’t robbin’ him of that.”

“Okay, well no one said we had to immediately,” she retorted. “It’s just gotta happen sometime. You know that, right? Else we’re no better than the bitch that--”

“Don’t you _ever_ say shit like that,” Taako snapped. “Look, he’ll leave when he’s good ‘n’ ready.”

“I just think we should be trying to make outside a safe place, so he’s not--”

“No one asked what you think,” he snarled.

That was the end of that.

Kravitz wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, ew @ my writing and this dumb chapter, but i keep hitting my word count goals and i gave Krav a dog so!!!!! what more do u want deflates
> 
> better stuff later, love u all <3


	17. Chapter 14

Something really wasn’t sitting right with Taako.

The more he had time to fume over what Lup had  _ dared _ propose to him while coming to lie down with him, the worse it was, and the more his unease was felt. He tried to just enjoy the serenity that Crowley had brought with her into such a chaotic house, tried to allow himself to just relax and catch up on some good sleep and meditation and scheme and dream and all else. But… ...there was something wrong with that particular convo, something so wrong that Taako twitched with paranoia the more he thought about it.

Why had she bothered to bring it up at fucking  _ all? _

For one thing, it was too early to be bringing shit like that up. They’d had Kravitz back for a scant few  _ days _ at least; he’d just barely started feeling like he could sleep ‘n’ eat some, for crying out loud. He knew that Lulu had always been kinda fiery and impatient in her own way, but… ...jeez. He didn’t know whether he should feel protective of Krav and his healing process or what, but she needed to slow her roll. For another thing, she said it so casually, like it were no big deal to bring a subject like that up, like he’d feel totally okay releasing such a vulnerable version of his boyfriend out into the world. To be subjected to all kinds of shit, to be potentially kidnapped again-- _ fuck _ the idea of the outside being a safe space. It wasn’t, not to Kravvy who’d been kept in a fucking birdcage for an amount of time specific to the hellhole he’d been trapped in, and not to Taako. And… ...and here was the kicker. Lup should’ve  _ known _ that.

And once he’d discovered that little chestnut hiding out in some deeply frantic part of his brain, he couldn’t let it go. He didn’t know what all Krav’s captor was capable of, but he knew it was some deeply magical shit. That was enough for him to think something awful. But he didn’t want to sit alone with a thought like this--no, he had to bring it to the people. Had to call in a team of expert.

There was one man perfect for the job. One man who knew Lup so well he  _ almost _ had Taako and his spooky twin thing beat (not quite, obvi). He could only turn to Barry, and as soon as that occurred to him, he was quick to take the man aside.

“What do you  _ mean _ ‘Lup’s not Lup?’”

Taako was quick to shush him. “Keep it  _ down, _ Fashion Don’t. I dunno if it’s true yet, okay? And if it is, I don’t need you letting her know that  _ I  _ know.”

“I dunno, Taako,” Barry was saying, unhelpful as always. “Seems like a stretch. I’ve been with her and she seems fine.”

That was true enough, Taako guessed. If something were at all off with Lup, Barry was the only one besides him that he trusted to know shit was wrong. They’d scarcely separated since Taako had snapped her own weapon in half in a dramatic display, and frankly since  _ he’d _ hardly dared to be away from her for too long he couldn’t blame them for being inseparable (if insufferable) lovebirds given the circumstances. “Yeah, okay,” he sighed, and it was right then that the exhaustion threatened to bowl him over again. “Guess that’s probs true. Cha’boy’s a lil paranoid lately, I guess.”

As he rubbed his eyes, feeling haggard and worn down to his bones, he begrudgingly accepted Barry’s support. “And that’s totally understandable, believe me,” he reassured the elf, “but you need to know all we want to do is  _ help, _ Taako. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know, I know… ...I’m just the only one I trust with him, ‘s’all.” Now he was almost stupidly weak with exhaustion, even though he’d  _ just _ had a good four hour rest. Ugh. Barry supported him and kept him upright, but he hated himself for the need in the first place. Yuck. “An’ now it’s like… ...that doesn’t even  _ matter, _ ‘cuz he got so spooked that I saved him from that awful witch that he can’t even--he can’t even  _ look _ at me.”

“I know, Taako. I know, bud.”

“And yet  _ Lucretia-- _ ugh, don’t even get me  _ started. _ I  _ still _ can’t trust her after everything that’s happened,” he babbled, almost like the words were puppeting him and forcing him to spill his guts, “and yet she gets an automatic in with post-’nap Kravitz? It’s--I’m glad he has anyone, but it’s just not fuckin’ fair, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Barry said after a moment, patting him on the shoulder. “It really isn’t, I know. We’re gonna get this figured, though. I promise.”

Taako had no choice but to believe him. “Thanks, Barold. Means a lot.” He smiled weakly.

“No problem, Taako. We’re all here for you. You know that.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, flopping back on the bed. “I know.” Moment of actual rest didn’t last long, though, because soon something occurred to him that had him perking up again, on alert for the gazillionth time since this particular brand of shit hit the fan. “Say, uh, you wouldn’t happen to know if Krav’s okay, would you?”

“Pretty sure he is, Taako.” Oh, thank  _ god. _ He felt himself deflating like an actual balloon. “Lucretia’s just about to give him a bath, I think.”

Wait.

_ What? _

So much for that. He was up and at ‘em again, now racing with purpose toward the bathroom and ignoring Barry’s irrelevant protests and questions behind him. Might have even been his twin sister concerned for the look on his face and his determined high speed, but none of them mattered as he made a beeline for the bathroom. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck, _ shit--”

He was too late.

Kravitz  _ screamed. _

Taako couldn’t even hear Lucretia’s voice at all, just the screams of a terrified child and the splashing of water all about and even the painful sound of parts of Kravitz hitting against the bathtub, like he was injuring himself in an attempt to get out. His wings were flapping desperately and when Taako  _ burst _ into the room, Lucretia flinched and Kravitz  _ yelped, _ genuinely scrambling back in the bathtub so quick he hit his head on the tile behind him. There were tears pouring down his cheeks and he was inconsolable, trembling and sobbing and shaking and now trying to use his wings to keep him from the entire world.

“I--I’m so sorry, Taako,” Lucretia managed, stammering something awful. “I don’t know what happened, I--I thought he could use a bath, so I--”

“He fucking  _ drowned, _ dumbass.”

“What?” Her eyes were wide and guilty. He was so protective he didn’t care.

He ignored her now, trying to move towards the tub. “Hey, Kravvy. Seems like you got a little ouchie just now, huh? Wanna get out of the bathtub so we can take a looksie? You’re okay, baby, promise.”

The boy was a shaking mess of feathers now, drawing himself up so tight and tiny and not daring to move. It hurt so much to see him so goddamn afraid, and then suddenly Taako was aware of the dog beating him to the punch. Literally leaning in close enough she nearly was jumping in after him, and it was her slight whine and lick that got Kravitz’s wings to part and grasp at her fur desperately. She was the one to help him out of the bathtub and comfort him as he sobbed, calm and concerned and diligent.

Crowley. What a saving grace.

“Kravitz,” Lucretia tried. Taako wasn’t having it.

“Haven’t you done  _ enough _ already?” He glowered at her before trying to move slowly towards his boy. “It’s okay, baby. You’re safe. Just a little bit of water is all. Can I take a look at your head?”

At the sound of Taako’s voice, Kravitz started back, trying to scramble across the floor while wet and dripping. He still wasn’t used to the look of absolute terror that crossed the former Reaper’s face, and it still stung something awful to hear the boy’s absolutely broken sobs. “I don’t wanna meet the lady,” he was wailing. “She--she hurt Mama and I don’t wanna see her, I don’t wanna meet the lady an’ every time’s so scary ‘n’ she said she’s my friend but I want my mama and she hurt  _ Mama _ and I don’t wanna meet the lady… I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna--”

When he was up against the door and dissolving into complete tears, shaking horribly, Lucretia was the one to get close with a clean white towel. “Kravitz, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that scary thing happened to you, but I promise everything’s okay now and we don’t have to do that ever again. When you’re ready and you feel safe, I have a nice warm towel here. Do you need me to get your raven friend?”

“It was so  _ scary, _ ” he whispered at her. “I was so  _ scared. _ ”

“I’m sure,” Lucretia soothed him as she crouched down to his level. “I’m sure it was so, so frightening, and I’m so sorry it happened to you. We--Taako and I, and everyone here--we’re never going to let that happen to you ever again. I promise. Can you believe me?”

Poor kid’s lip was bloodied he’d bit down on it so hard, and now there were several more bruises on his body from the bathtub. This… ...this sucked. This hurt so much, and yet again it was Lucretia to the rescue while Taako sat on the sidelines accidentally terrorizing one of his two favorite people. Cool. Cool and great. He tried to give them a little space, still keeping a watchful eye where he could. “I don’t like the water,” he let her know, almost hyperventilating. “I don’t--I don’t like it, I don’t  _ like _ the water.”

“And I’ll never put you in it,” she promised seriously. “Ever again.”

“Promise,” Kravitz whispered, looking right at her now.

“I swear,” she said. “And if you want, I can try to make your head all better.”

“It  _ hurts, _ ” he whimpered, still shaking. “I don’t like it.”

She was now close enough to drape him in the towel, which seemed to calm him down. Taako didn’t dare speak anymore, didn’t dare move; he didn’t want to ruin whatever was happening now as the hyperventilating subsided and the tears started to die down. “I’m sure,” she reaffirmed. “I’m going to take a look at it, okay? I want to make sure you’re all right. Is that okay, Kravitz?”

He nodded, now dazed from the ordeal the past minutes had been. Crowley was licking his hands, and that seemed to help a lot too. Taako watched as the person who’d wrecked his entire shop examined the bruise on the back of his head with a little bit of resentment. It was a relief that he wasn’t bleeding, at least. “Oh, dear. Well, I can see why it hurts.”

“Can you kiss it better?”

Lucretia looked a little thrown off by this question. “What?”

“Whenever I made Mama hurt me,” he said, so matter of fact and far away now, with the dog’s fur between his fingers, “she kissed it better. Can you?”

Taako didn’t know what was worse, the way Kravitz casually brought up abuse at the hands of Lyra like it was just a fact of life or the way that he was allowing Lucretia close enough to plant a little kiss where he’d been hurt. Okay, no--the Lyra thing was one  _ hundo _ percent worse, and Taako’s blood boiled for how much she’d hurt his love. He felt sick about the entire thing, so it was best now to dip as she said of  _ course _ she could.

He hated himself for the way the door slammed behind him.

 

* * *

 

After the nice lady kissed Kravitz’s head better, it was okay. The noise of the door was scary, but then Crowley was there to give him little kisses and the lady used a cloth and a bucket. It was kind of like when he wasn’t feeling well and Mama would dab at his head nice and cool, or wipe up his sick, but this was different because it was all over. The water never went all around, ready to swallow him up; it stayed on him.

As he was thinking about it, she was being so soft. “Kravitz,” she asked him, “do you want to sing a song?”

His eyes widened. This was his  _ favorite _ and music was the  _ best _ of all. “Oh, yes, please, nice lady,” he let her know, getting a little too excited and flapping his wings before he calmed down and used his best inside voice. “I, um, I love… ...singin’ songs.”

When she smiled, it was nice and important. “I thought you might.” Her voice was quiet like his; he liked it, because it meant she wasn’t yelling and hurt or scared or mad at him for not playing the piano. “This song is about the different parts we wash. Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.” As she said each thing, she put the cloth different places and scrubbed, and it seemed like a good idea.

“Head,” he tried, still timid, “sh-shoulders, knees… …’n’ toes.”

“Mhm,” she confirmed, smiling at him as she wet the cloth with soapy water. “ _ Very _ good, Kravitz. Now, when I wash a different part of your body, you sing. Do you think you can do that for me?”

This sounded okay enough. He nodded, on alert now. “Yes. I’ll do it.”

“Okay. Here we go.” The cloth was on his head now, and she was scrubbing and washing his hair, singing gently. He named all of them as she did it, and then she taught him a new part about eyes and ears and mouth and nose. Only the ears and nose got clean; the other things didn’t matter, and it became more fun every time she did it. Then there was no more soap and just water, but she didn’t make it go all around him or over his head, and pretty soon he was all cleaned up and in warm clothes.

It was a lot. He felt sleepy again, which was happening a lot since he was away from his mama. When she scooped him up he wanted to drift away, but instead he mumbled to Crowley so she’d follow and watched with one eye a little open as she did. The clothes were so cozy and so was she, and finally he asked a question. “Nice lady Lu… ...Lu… ...um.”

“Lucretia,” she let him know. She was so nice. “Er, just call me Lucy.”

“Lucy,” he murmured into her shoulder. “Are you, um… ...are you my new mama?”

She stopped moving. He almost fell asleep right then.

“Because,” he elaborated, “because I don’t need one. I have one. It’s okay.”

“No, Kravitz,” she finally said, “I’m not. But I… ...but I can make you feel safe and happy. Okay?”

This sounded good enough. “Okay,” he agreed, yawning. "'m glad."

It was quiet.

“Me, too,” she finally said, and he hoped she meant it.

He slept again.

In his dreams there was Mama, and she was somewhere he didn’t know. It didn’t  _ look _ like his mama, either; it looked like a glowing light, but somehow he felt her so much. He wanted to run into her arms, to feel her, to make sure she was safe and not being hurt, but he couldn’t. She spoke anyway. “I know, little bird,” she soothed him, and it was so  _ good _ to hear her voice again after so long. He wanted to cry to her, to tell her about the bad man and the nice lady, but she shushed him. “Shh… I know, I know. It’s all right, Kravvy. Mama doesn’t blame you for getting mixed up with these people.”

When was he going to see her? “Soon enough, my love. But you have to promise to wait for me, can you do that?” Of  _ course _ he could. “Oh, how good,” she praised him, voice warm and ringing like the best bell. “You’ve always been such a good boy, Kravitz. I’m so proud of you. We don’t have much time, so listen:  _ none _ of them are nice.  _ All _ of them want to hurt Mama and take you away, do you understand?”

But the nice lady--

“Is a stranger. From outside. What have I  _ always  _ told you, Kravitz?”

He knew, but she was so warm, Mama. She sang and cuddled and gave him a bath and she always kept him safe, no matter what.

“Then she,” Mama said, “is the most dangerous of all. Don’t forget this, okay? I’m coming for you, darling, and I love you. I promise.”

When he woke up, he wouldn’t talk to anyone.

 

* * *

 

 

The Raven Queen wasn’t feeling well.

This wasn’t something that usually  _ happened _ to the Queen, but this past little while had proven to be such a strain on her, so she waved all concerns off. It was, admittedly, harder for her to concentrate on work; she felt far away, a disconnect between herself and her children which didn’t usually exist, but so much of her time was spent worrying for Kravitz. She let time become as irrelevant as it always was if she weren’t paying attention to it; necromancy was halted everywhere, people pledged allegiances and died and tried and failed to escape her clutches. None of it mattered too terribly much anymore.

Of course it mattered in a cosmic sort of way; she would never forsake her duties. But not as much as usual, and there was a hole left in her that only one of her children could occupy again. She cared for all of them, of course, and all of them were connected; still, none of them mattered as much as he did, knew her as well as he did. She knew, at least, that he was back with the elf Taako for which he cared so dearly; she knew well of the victories of the elf, the new lich additions to her brood, and the rest of their crew. It was impossible not to know, as it reverberated throughout Everything and almost rivaled her own inevitable message. They had conquered much, and Istus (even without proper sight) reassured her that they would conquer more still.

But she hadn’t heard from him. She could only get little updates from Lup and Barry, details now of him being so small and mortal and fragile. She’d trembled with anger and hurt,  _ screaming _ throughout the entirety of the astral plane for what the Thing that called itself Mockingbird had dared to do, but she’d given him the gift of the plush raven at Taako’s insistence (it was a “joint gift,” he had said). And it did make her feel better to make sure that she could imbibe the thing with bits of memory, his Song and her refrain together so that she was always there in some way with him.

Still, it was… ...lonely.

And she felt… ...wrong.

She visited Lyra personally often. Had many people guarding her specific place in the Eternal Stockade so that there were no possible way for her to escape. She wished to make the soul  _ suffer, _ but it refused; it was resilient as though impervious, though it was not. A  _ stupid _ thing, a  _ foolish _ thing. When she touched the soul she had seen bits and pieces of its past, but unlike most souls which had no choice but to succumb, she hid things away. There were begrudgingly still very many things that the Queen did not understand about her self-proclaimed adversary, and perhaps many things she never would.

One thing was sure: she had lost a child.

The Raven Queen had no mercy for the light when it reached her hands; she handled it roughly, with malice that Death rarely felt towards its victims. After all, she got to nearly every corner eventually; she was impartial, neutral, as unforgiving as she was kind. But this one she’d ripped talons into, screeched at endlessly, tried to undo with everything she had in her. No one questioned her as she cried, accused, bit and fought and  _ clawed _ her way into the mockery of birds, the liar. 

And came up almost empty, except for this.

A child, lovely and loved.

A mother who’d do anything.

A loss.

A typical story among mortals, and it did rend them so. She knew this to be true, even as she regarded everything with an appropriately stoic eye. Now she should have felt for this plight more than ever, having lost her own.

But there was no sympathy.

No one had the right to take  _ hers _ away.

**THE SADDEST THING,** she told Lyra during one of the rounds,  **IS THAT THIS WON’T BRING HIM BACK EITHER WAY.**

She stopped visiting as often shortly thereafter.

From far away, the Phoenix felt for her first.

“I don’t feel so hot,” she said.

Lup hadn’t felt sick in over a century.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand we're back. from outer space. i just walked in to find you here w uhhh i mean
> 
> yeah!!!! december is hard. grief anniversaries, trauma feelings, and forced social interactions (oh my!). i hope this update is worth it, anyway. love you all.


	18. Chapter 15, part 1

Taako would’ve stayed sullen and angry, lost in his own stupid thoughts, but there was something more pressing than the sounds of Lucy being the Newly Appointed Baby Krav Whisperer registering to his ears, and it got the hairs on his body to almost stand straight up. His ears certainly perked up soon after, honing in on the sound and tuning out all else, and this time he was a little more careful entering the guest room.

He only had to take one glance at the scene before him to know something was wrong. “What’s up with _her?_ ”

There Lulu was, looking pale as though she was feeling kinda sick, and when her eyes addressed him they weren’t… ...comprehending. They were dazed and dumb when they lit up to see him in a way he hadn’t seen before, and it made him super nervous. He’d heard her _gagging_ moments before, into a bowl he could see in her hands now, and the whole thing made him feel on edge. “ _Taaksy,_ ” she blurted out, “whassup my main man?? I tol’ Bear-Bear I’m jus’ _fine_ but he swep’ me up like a knight in shining armor… It was soooo cool…”

Great. No, fuck. This was… ...worrying. Taako’s ears flattened as he tried his best to remain cool and collected, or at least mildly irritated and not absolutely sick with worry as he approached the bed. “How… ...how long has she been like this? Fuck, Lulu, you’re a _lich._ Why are you acting super drunk?”

“‘m _not,_ ” she reassured him, barely focusing on him and patting his face. “No worries, bro-bro… ...I’m super _duper_ normal.” She went to stroke his hair but got distracted by Barry’s glasses, straightening them on his face. “There you go, handsome… ...you’re _so_ hot ‘n’ sweet, omigod… Koko, innit he the hottest guy you ever _saw?_ Oohh… ...I gotta hurl.”

Attention span of a goldfish, nausea. Okay. There was definitely something wrong here. He shot a look that he hoped was the right amount of accusatory at Barry, who was bright and red as a tomato as Lup’s head lolled against him, but he… ...seemed worried, too. And Taako knew that both of ‘em would have more sense than to get plastered at a time like this, especially with Kravitz in the house and _especially_ without _him._ So it wasn’t too surprising when the next words out of his mouth were stammering, but true. “Fuck, Taako--shit, you gotta believe me. She was normal one second ‘n’ the next she almost fainted and started acting like… ... _this_. I’m as confused as you are.”

The worried look on his face remained even as his wife deftly plucked the glasses off his face and started wearing them, giggling to herself. “Lookit me, ‘ve got an ass that won’t quit ‘n’... …’n’ everything’s funny, haha. Glasses are dumb. Human eyes are _soooo_ stupid. Is tha’ racist? Oh, no, I didn’ mean t’be _racist…_ ”

“You’re okay, Lup,” Barry awkwardly reassured her since she was now near tears as he gently took the glasses back. “It’s okay, babe. We’re gonna figure this out.”

“Fiiiiigure… ...fig’re… …’m _fine,_ ” she insisted. “I feel _great,_ you guys… Ne’er better in my life!”

Goddamnit. He… ...he didn’t _need_ this right now. I mean, neither did Lup or Barry, obviously, but… ...ugh. Taako _super_ didn’t need this kind of stress in his life right now on top of everything else. It was so fucking much to handle, he couldn’t help curse it, even as he gave his twin sister’s hand a light squeeze of comfort. “Hey, hey. Lulu, you just rest up in here while we deal with it, okay? You just try to take yourself a nice li’l nap or something.” He tried not to look and sound as worried as he felt as he smiled at her. “And you’ll wake up good as new! No problems, see? We’re a-okay. Supes fine.”

She was still tearing up, and a Lup near tears was a Lup he hated to see under _any_ circumstance. “You’re my _bes’es’ fav’rite brother in the whole world,_ ” she wailed, taking gulping breaths and grabbing his face. “You’re _so_ good ‘n’ import’nt ‘n’ I love you _sooooo_ much okay, I jus’ want you to be _happy…_ ”

He couldn’t help it when he gingerly removed her fingers from his face and pushed her back into the bed a little, smile still full of worry and super awkward. “I know, Lulu,” he reassured her, giving her a shoulder pat. “I--I mean, ‘course I know that, goofus. You’re just a li’l loopy right now is all, but it’s nothin’ that won’t pass over. ‘kay?”

She blinked at him in an attempt to understand, but nothing was getting through. “Whatever,” she finally settled on, completely uncaring as she snuggled into her helpless husband. “ _Y’re_ the one ‘s a _dingus._ ”

“Yeah,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Probably. Barry here’s gonna make sure you don’t puke all over my fancy sheets, you just work on--”

“Ohhhh my god,” she gasped, interrupting him and falling out of bed, “i’ssa baby!! I gotta see the _baby…_ ...gotta hold the _baby…_ ...jus’ a quick lil sec-y sec, lookit the _baby…_ ” Before anyone could stop her, she was disappearing and reappearing in true lich fashion right in front of Lucretia, who was carrying a sleeping Kravitz. “Lookit the _baby,_ ” she cooed, all the echoes at once. “I gotta hold ‘im.”

“Um,” Lucretia said. It was a fair thing to say.

Kravitz was stirring at the sound of her voice, draping wings over himself in an attempt to block out the world and whining a little, and Barry scrambled to hold her back. “Lup, babe, shh… Shh, the baby’s, um, sleeping. We can’t play with the baby right now, okay?” He shot an apologetic and confused look at Lucretia; she shot one back, bewildered to walk into a scene like this. “Sorry ‘bout this,” he managed, looking embarrassed on his wife’s behalf. “We don’t know what’s wrong with her, but um--”

But Lup wasn’t having this, disappearing and reappearing and close to grabbing Kravitz, face skeletal and words angry. “ **NO. BABY. NOW. HAVE TO HOLD BABY.** ” She hissed it like an animal out at the whole of them, eyes gleaming red with fire as she grabbed manically for Kravitz. “ **NEED TO HOLD BABY.** ”

It wasn’t surprising when this was what woke the kid, but it still sucked when he blinked wide red eyes out at her own and tried to take flight desperately in Lucretia’s arms. She held him gently, but tightly enough to keep him there, trying to shush him. He said nothing, absolutely trembling; Taako and Barry were holding her back as much as they could, Barry being the more successful of the two and a lich himself. “Get out of here,” he suddenly _snapped_ at Lucretia, “something’s wrong with her!! _Us_ … I can’t _fight_ it… ...much _longer_...”

Taako watched with horror as the lucidity faded from his brother-in-law’s eyes too and the realization set in: something was incredibly, _horribly_ fucked. Tiny Krav wasn’t reacting very well to being rudely stirred from sleep by two crazed skeletons, but as much as Taako ached for him he didn’t have time to let his heart bleed for the tears that ran down his face and the terror that made him shake. All he had time for was to pivot and _yell_ at Lucretia quick as he could.

“Did you _hear_ the man? Something’s up--get out of here _now._ ”

She nodded, eyes wide and terrified, and he slammed and locked the door to the guest room behind her before turning to address both the Reapers, who were now acting like stupidly sick drunk idiots in the absence of a young Kravitz. “Marital bliss, huh?”

“Oh, _yeah,_ we’re married,” Bluejeans realized, now completely stupefied by whatever the fuck, glasses crooked again on his face (which Lup was quick to fix, all while crooning about how hot he was and smiling). “Well, y’know what? We--we don’t _care_ what you think about our _love,_ Taako. I--I married her, ‘n’ I’d do it _again._ ”

Lup looked up at him like this was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard, eyes full of tears. “That’s soooooo romantic, babe…”

“‘S true, ‘s true though…”

Taako barely even had the time or pleasure of acting wicked grossed out when they started mackin’ on the bed, groaning and massaging his temples. “Okay, great,” he mumbled, all the comfort and concern he’d used when it was just Lup gone from his voice, “so _both_ of you are actin’ cray. Means… ...means this is probably some weird Reaper thing. Means… ...means we should probably pay Queenie a visit. Means… ...means--”

His ears shot straight up at the sight of a nauseous Barry, then flattened as though he were one of his angry cats, and he pointed at him and spat the words like venom. “Means if we gotta puke we puke in the nice _bowl_ and not on Taako’s fucking _sheets_ like a caveman, Barold, okay?”

Lup _gasped_ at how “mean” her brother was being, already in tears about it as she was trying to comfort Barry, rubbing his arm and now sobbing in a way that Taako had no patience for whatsoever. “Hey, Taaks, don’ be _rude._ ‘S not _his_ fault,” she hiccuped, tears rolling down her face, “‘s not _his_ fault the whole worl’ went all _spinny ‘n’ weird,_ okay?”

“Oh, I know _exactly_ who’s at fault here, Lulu,” he reassured her, “don’t you worry.”

He was going to _kill_ that bitch, but first--

\--had to see how far ‘n’ fast this was spreading.

“Lucy,” he shouted through the door, “listen. Something’s rotten in Fantasy Denmark. I’m gonna go drop in on Lady Death to see what the haps is, but I think you--I think you need to get _out_ of here. With him.”

“Where… ...where do we go?” She sounded like she was trying to be calm for baby Kravitz at least, which got her some points.

“Don’t care. Magnus’s, the moon, another _plane…_ I don’t give a shit. Just make sure he’s safe, got it?” This was… ...goddamnit, this was one hundred and ten percent Taako’s actual nightmare. Not only did he have to _leave his boy behind_ in a crisis, he had to entrust _Lucretia_ to take care of him, and then he had to hope and pray that whatever was fucking up Spooky Bird HQ was nice ‘n’ fixable. It was easy to pretend all of this was just an annoyance, at least, which made it more manageable in a sort of “gettin’ a migraine ‘cuz the world is so _catastrophically stupid_ ” way, but. Still.

Ugh.

No immediate response from ‘cretia. He tried again. “I _said,_ if you don’t keep him safe your entire life’s gonna be a particularly terrifying nightmare, brought to you by Taako Productions, you _got it?_ ”

“Y-Yes,” the voice behind the door stammered. “Sorry--trying to get a few things together, trying to figure out where to go…”

Taako could hear Kravitz’s voice, so soft ‘n’ hushed it was barely there and utterly _terrified,_ and he wished so much he could be there to fix it without muddlin’ everything up. But he knew the best thing he could do for his boy now was to man up and go see his boyfriend’s bird mom, check her for signs of Avian Flu or something, so he let ‘em go their own way and out the door and then set about wrangling the two liches together. It wasn’t difficult, honestly (though both of them were pretty concerned with acting totally normal even though they felt, um, normal and _great_ ), and pretty soon he was right back to where the news of the ‘napping first broke.

And things were… ... _fucked._

Where before there had been silent and stoic Reapers, hellbent on maintaining a certain creepy aesthetic, now there were a bunch of babbling (and sick) idiots. Barry ‘n’ Lup both fit right in, and at first Taako was concerned with trying to keep them on-task, but eventually he gave up on that and let them join some game of Fantasy Twister going on in the corner. He’d never heard such a cacophonous chorus of drunken insanity in such an ominous place, and it was deeply dissonant and wrong, not to mention _stupid_ as he spied several of the Raven Queen’s children playing Truth or Dare and giggling in the opposite corner. “Was jokin’ ‘bout that office party thing, y’know,” he murmured under his breath, trying to get through throngs of seemingly buzzed birdfolk, “but it seems like you guys can throw a hell of a party…”

None of this was _important._ He had to find Queenie. Any attempts at asking anyone to locate her were met with large amounts of nonsensical stupidity (some of them even went, “uhh, sorry, whozzat?” while dressed in full Reaper garb), and the more he had to search for her the worse he felt. He’d never had to _do_ this before; she’d always been There, demanding an audience with him, listening to Kravitz’s requests and his own witticisms. She was always There, the background noise in the universe, the punchline to almost every single joke existence could whip up, and her absence felt… ...gross. And wrong. And it made his skin crawl and his stomach do terrified flips when she wasn’t on any throne or immediately visible, and it felt intrusive to have to go on the hunt for her.

“Queenie?” He knew calling out her name was probably useless by this point, but hey _._ Taako was deeply concerned for her now, and it struck him just how stupid and silly his life was to be worried about Death Herself; he was in way over his head, probs, but that had never stopped him before, so whatev. “Hello? Helloooo?” Dark corridors, somehow nothing and yet furnished like some Victorian Goth’s wet dream. His voice echoed in a way that it wouldn’t have usually; it wasn’t an echo like a cave, but more like… ...a dream. A trip. The past repeating itself, colliding with the present. He was so _tired_ of Goddesses fucking with his head and sense of linear time, but whatever. “Yoohoo?”

When he got no response, he chuckled nervously. “Listen, if you’re taking a break, I _totally get it._ Anyone in your position’s gotta need a _few_ days off every now ‘n’ then, right? I mean, _right?_ So you need a vacation, that’s… ...that’s fine. Been through a lot lately. But uh, if you could just like, give me some sort of sign you’re okay, that’d be pretty aces. Not that I’m, y’know, worried. Seeing as you’re _actually literally Death_ ‘n’ all, I mean, it’s not like anything could actually--”

And then he heard it. It was faint, but his ears picked up on it and perked up at the sound. A soft and slow moan that almost made his stomach churn, skin crawling and entire soul suddenly _wracked_ with grief and upset. It was freaky to feel something so extreme, but he stood his ground against it, trying to just follow the sound. Should’ve been a relief when it led him to the Raven Queen, but instead it made him feel _worse._ She was… ...against nothing, black void stretched out all around and playing at being floor and sky, and she was huddled up. A mass of inky black feathers and unpleasant sounds, shaking and writhing in a way he’d never seen her do.

“Queenie…?” He didn’t know what to do except slowly approach her. “Hey, how’s… ...how’s it hangin’, Bird Mom?”

She jerked her head towards him in a way so unnatural and alien that he almost started back with fear, even though he wasn’t afraid of her. **TAAKO,** she hissed, not unlike an animal trapped in a corner lashing out, and then, softer: **TAAKO. IS… ...IS THAT YOU?**

He’d never heard such uncertainty and weakness in her voice. It kinda freaked him out. “Yup, ‘m right here, Queenie. What… ...what’s goin’ on? Are you, uh,” --it was dumb to ask if she was okay, because he _knew_ she wasn’t, but-- “I mean, is… ...everything--stuff’s real fucked up out there. What’s wrong?”

She had raised her head to meet him, form slowly rising, and now she was trying to stand upright and tremble with absolute anger. It worried Taako terribly when she couldn’t even do that and groaned under own weight, collapsing against the not-floor again, and he felt the impulse to get over there and help her but he knew logically she could probably just about goddamn crush him and decided it was best not to act. **IT WAS** **_HER,_ ** she gasped like a deathwish. **SHE… SHE** **_DID_ ** **SOMETHING TO ME, TO ALL OF MY CHILDREN, SHE… ...SHE GOT AWAY AND I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY, TAAKO, TO YOU AND TO HIM, I HAVE TRIED** **_SO HARD_ ** **TO MAKE THIS AS EASY AS POSSIBLE AND AS SAFE AS I COULD MANAGE. IT’S NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS, SHE… ...SHE GOT AWAY AND NOW SHE’S… SHE’S STILL OUT THERE.**

This was enough to goddamn process already, but the form of the Raven Queen was moving _desperately_ towards Taako now, clawing out at him for some kind of comfort, hysteria and heartbreak in her voice. **SHE’S OUT THERE AND SHE WANTS HIM. SHE WANTS HIM AND I CAN’T LET HER GET AWAY WITH… ...AND I’M SO WEAK… ...I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS THE STRESS GETTING TO ME, I’M SO SORRY TO HAVE** **_FAILED_ ** **EVERYONE. PLEASE, FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME.**

The whole display was so… ... _real_ of her. He knew right then that she wasn’t speaking as a Goddess to a mortal, that they’d dropped their usual trappings and titles at the door. Right now, she was just a mother who was _beside_ herself with worry and hurt, falling at the knees of her son’s boyfriend and begging for some sort of softness. It was super uncomfortable, but Taako wouldn’t allow himself to make it weird (it was already weird, anyway, but he kind of made a personal choice not to act like an ass) as he kneeled down to her level and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, hey. Queenie, this isn’t your _fault._ She’s a superpowered grade A bitch. I wouldn’t’ve guessed she could play jailbreak either.” He patted her a little awkwardly, but he tried to meet her gaze, even if it was beyond his mortal understanding or something. “But it… ...it doesn’t _matter,_ y’know? ‘cuz Taako’s gonna make this right, okay? That’s a guarantee.”

 **I’M JUST NOT SURE,** she admitted, sounding too close to tears for the elf’s comfort, **WHAT YOU CAN DO. I KNOW YOU’RE VERY POWERFUL, TAAKO. EVERYONE KNOWS THE STORY AND THE SONG, OF COURSE. BUT THIS SITUATION SEEMS…**

“...hopeless?” He supplied her with, smiling weakly. “Yeah, I know. But cha’boy’s been in a _lotta_ situations like that, don’t even front. And I wouldn’t _ever_ give up on Krav or you, but like… I get it.” He took a sharp inhale in. “This past li’l while’s been nothin’ short of Hell for you, and I know I look like just some schmuck your son fell in love with’s got an expiration date.”

**PLEASE, DON’T TAKE OFFENSE; I--**

“Pcht, _offense?_ ” Taako scoffed, waving a dismissive hand. “Listen, lady, nine times out of ten I’d tell you you’re makin’ a good judgment call. ‘cuz I saved the universe ‘n’ my name is my brand and everything I say is iconic and integral to current modern culture, blah blah blah, but I _am_ just some schmuck. Like, for realsies, this is one hundred percent no bullshit: I--” Oof, this was a hard one to admit. “I’m uh, I’m just like everyone else, y’know? And I sorta fuck up sometimes, super badly. And if I were you, I _definitely_ wouldn’t trust me.”

**NICE SALES PITCH.**

“Yeah, _right?_ And I sell the idea of me being a huge deal for a _living._ This is how I make _bank._ That’s how you know I’m being real with you. But uh, okay, the point is--look--listen. If I were you, I wouldn’t trust me, but that’s because I wouldn’t know… ...me. And how much I care for your son. And how…” Ugh, this was so real and emotional, ew. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat to feign a _little_ bit of a cool demeanor, but he was probably a goner by this point. “...how I’d do _anything_ for the both of you. There are, uh, a pretty scant few people I’d move mountains for, but. Welp.”

He looked right at her now, holding her shoulders. “Believe in me or don’t--it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna get him safe and I’m gonna nab that bitch, or I’m gonna go down trying and saying something dope. But I _will_ find her ‘n’ do my best to fuck up her whole scene, okay? That I can promise. It’s not… ...it’s not your job not to give up, y’know? You’re tired; you’re so strong for so many people all the time. Just let go, m’lady. Give it all to me. I… I _got_ this.”

When she looked at him next, she looked so vulnerable. So exhausted and sick and her smile was weary and wary as it was genuine. But he knew she meant her next words. **YOU ARE SO SPECIAL, TAAKO. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE.**

“Aw, de nada,” he waved it off. "Don't worry 'bout it."

 **I WILL AND SHOULD,** she contradicted him.  
**PLEASE, AS YOU GO FORWARD… ...KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE.  
** **WE ARE** **_UNITED_ ** **IN THIS PAIN.  
** **AND IF THERE’S ANYTHING YOU NEED,  
** **DON’T HESITATE TO ASK.**

“Now that you mention it,” he finally asked, “uh, I know you’re kinda busy babysitting a whole _host_ of loopy Reapers out there, but if you wouldn’t mind takin’ Barry ‘n’ Lup off my hands for a little while--”

**SAY NO MORE. THEY CAN STAY HERE UNTIL THIS SUBSIDES.**

“Sweet,” Taako finally intoned, throwing up a casual “ok” sign out of habit. “Cool, cool. Well, uh, okay then. I guess I’m off to go bitch-huntin’. Stay frosty.”

**GOODBYE, TAAKO. PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED.**

And then he was back home to an absolutely quiet house, sans world’s most lovey dovey liches ‘n’ all. It was lonely and kind of maddening, but Taako couldn’t really focus on it when something came through on his Stone of Far Speech. It was Lucretia’s voice, clear as anything, coming through and he didn’t always know how much time had passed here when he’d been visiting the Raven Queen over There, so the next words were kind of alarming.

“Taako, I think she’s a lich.”

Wait. There was no way for Lucretia to know details like that about Lyra unless she’d _seen_ her, unless--

\--aw, shit.

Taako’s stomach dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL YEAH!!! made a goal at therapy yesterday to let myself write once a week and HERE WE ARE KIDS. as usual i hope this is all right; i'm literally almost living and breathing this story twenty-four sev rn since i showed it to my friend Ace, LMAO. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! THANKS FOR COMMENTING N CARING. <3 ur all the best.


	19. Chapter 15, part 2

When Lucretia was shooed out of Taako’s guest room and confronted with two irrational liches, she knew it was time to get moving. Kravitz was alert in her arms, silent and trembling, and she felt awful for how he’d been awakened and how disoriented he was about to be, but there was no time to deal with that. Taako made that much clear, barking things at her behind the door, and she tried to channel her Madame Director guise as she set about finding and packing bags full of essentials, shifting Kravitz so that she was holding him in the crook of one arm.

He hadn’t said a word to her or anyone else; she found it concerning, but couldn’t quite address it at the moment. Probably was just frightened after everything that happened. It was only reasonable that he would be, and there’d be plenty of time for soothing later. She still stroked his hair a few times and tried to murmur words of comfort as he absolutely shook, but it was difficult to be nurturing and all business at the same time.

Thankfully, Crowley could comfort him where she struggled; the pup followed them both everywhere, alert and ready for anything and keeping her eyes so trained on the little winged boy and nothing else. When she could, she snuck comforting nuzzles in, and even fetched Kravitz’s raven plush to give to him, and it was good to know he had her support even as Lucretia was preoccupied. 

She… ...didn’t want to take him to the moon, that much she knew for certain. At least, not  _ yet; _ going to the moonbase was dizzying for any  _ adult, _ much less a traumatized four-year-old. Perhaps the lich wards could prove useful again, but even then… ...it functioned better as a last resort. She’d managed to gain his trust, for whatever reason; he… ...he  _ needed _ her now somehow, and she wasn’t going to ruin that by taking him anywhere too extreme. Merle’s place was out because he was  _ terrified _ of the water… Magnus’s place in Raven Roost…

...now,  _ that  _ could work. He was a protector, security; he was the reason Crowley was so helpful now, and he was surrounded by friendly animals and good with kids (to a degree). It was almost as though the name of his hometown were some kind of sign, and she absent-mindedly pressed the little plush raven’s wing to let it soothe Kravitz while she reached Magnus on the Stone of Far Speech.

“Lucretia?” His voice crackled over the Stone. “What’s up?”

She realized she was emotionally detaching to deal with things when the voice that came out was that of the Director’s, and not her usual standard fare. “Magnus,” she intoned, feeling distant so she wouldn’t feel worried. “Something’s come up.”

“Holy shit. Is everything okay?” The question struck her as absurd. No, of  _ course _ it wasn’t; she was playing at being the mother of the Grim Reaper, after spending so much time mothering people older than her by years. She had no idea what she was doing, adrift and clinging to a carefully crafted persona to keep her afloat in this situation, and she almost wanted to laugh in his face for even asking something like that.

Thankfully, she didn’t. “Um,” she stammered, “I’ll explain when I can, but can we--Kravitz and I, I mean--can we come stay with you for a little while? I hate to impose, but we can’t exactly… ... _ be _ at Taako’s right now, and I just didn’t know who else to call or where to go. If you’d rather not, that’s totally understandable, we’ll just--”

“You kiddin’?  _ ‘course _ you can stay here, Lucretia. I’ll even clean the guest room!”

“Oh, thank gods,” she sighed with more relief than she wanted to feel into the receiver. “Thank you so much, Magnus, really.”

“Pfft,” he dismissed, “it’s no prob! Johann’ll be happy to see Crowley again anyway. He’s probably missed having her around.”

“Great. Well then, um, see you soon.”

With that out of the way, she could focus a little more on soothing the child in her arms. She pressed the raven again, hoping that the piano could get him through how disorienting and frightening being uprooted was going to be as she stroked his hair. “Hear that, Kravitz? We’re going to see Magnus. He’s the one who brought Crowley to us, remember?”

Silent nod. He hadn’t said a single word to her yet, thumb planted stubbornly in his mouth and wings still tentatively around him even as she carried him and all their things out to a wagon, Crowley in tow. She hated doing this to him; she knew it was probably for the best not to just keep him locked up in one place after all he’d been through, but this was still so abrupt. But she just held him close and stroked his hair, eventually settling on humming a little tune.

“Have you ever been on a wagon before?”

Shake.

“Really?”

Wary nod.

“Well then,” she decided, holding him close, “you’re being  _ so _ brave. Isn’t he being so brave, Crowley?” The dog regarded her calmly, mostly focused on doing her  _ own _ soothing of the terrified boy which mostly amounted to licks and nuzzles. “Yes. I think so, too. I don’t think I’ve even seen a boy so brave before.”

His ear twitched; he must’ve had some sort of elven ancestry, Lucretia thought to herself as they hit the road. Pointed ears, obvious night vision, but then there were the wings… ...the only race that seemed to make sense was Avariel. Pretty fascinating, given how rare they were; she’d never seen another example. It soothed her to think of things in abstracts, as concepts, points of interest or study. Just a leftover habit from the IPRE days, she supposed, but it kept her calm enough to be there with him.

“Did you know,” she finally said again, voice soft, “we’re going to a place called Raven’s Roost?”

Now the ears were perking up, just slightly, with interest. “Raven…? Like my friend?”

She was thrilled Kravitz was talking again, even a little, but tried to keep herself steady. “That’s exactly right, Kravitz,” she assured him, “very good! I bet your friend is excited to see it.”

He looked at the plush as though seriously contemplating this. “Mhm. ‘cuz that’s her name. And… ...and because,” he said hesitantly, eyes darting up to her nervously before he went back to regarding his toy, “she’s a raven. Right? A little bird.”

“That’s right, too,” Lucretia gasped for his benefit. “You’re so smart, Kravitz! My goodness.”

“A little bird,” he mused softly, cuddling the plush close to his chest. “I’m a little bird, too.”

“Are you?”

“Mhm,” he told her, face very serious even as he rested his head against his plush friend and nearly stuck a thumb in his mouth. “‘S what Mama says.”

Well, there went any appetite she might’ve worked up. It was charming when children played at being different things, and Lucretia knew that had these been ordinary circumstances she would’ve joked about it or even leaned into it to make him feel better. But there was something so  _ deeply wrong _ about the being she knew as Lyra calling him that, like a pet, and she hated thinking about it too deeply. “Anyway,” she finally said, trying to move past it, “you’ll like it there, I think. Magnus has a friend like Crowley there, too!”

“Oh,” he gasped in soft awe. “A friend for Crowley?”

“That’s exactly right. He has a dog named Johann. Pretty neat, huh?”

Kravitz considered this as he moved closer to Lucretia and climbed into her lap, snuggling her and clinging to her with all he could muster. Whatever had made him so wary before seemed to be far from his mind now, filled with dogs and ravens instead. It was the most relaxed she’d seen him in quite a while, and as the wagon carried on he seemed to grow drowsy with its rhythm, petting Crowley periodically and hanging tight to his plush as his eyelids grew heavy. She couldn’t help but start to hum a soft little tune, nameless, under her breath as she stroked his hair; for one brief moment, he tried to tense, tried to remain alert and afraid, but she soothed him.

“There, there, Kravitz,” she murmured softly. “It’s been a long day; you can rest. It’s okay.”

This got him to relax significantly, and soon his eyelids were barely fluttering until he drifted all the way, nuzzled into her and drooling a little on her dress. Crowley was following his lead now, sighing as though bored and then dozing as they made the final trek into Raven’s Roost. She would’ve dreamed too, but--she couldn’t remember the last time she got a decent sleep, and she hated to do it now. So she kept herself awake and read the same book of poetry she’d been reading the past few days, determined to keep watch.

Time kind of… ...bled into itself, then. Took its course until they were somehow crossing the bridge into the residential district, and she almost feared the bumpiness of the bridge would wake Kravitz, but he was out like a light. Crowley perked up with mild interest, but decided after glancing at her boy that there was nothing to fear, and went back to being lazy. Lucretia stared out at the stars accruing in the desert sky and decided that it was actually… ...kind of nice, almost peaceful if you ignored the circumstances that brought them there.

Good enough for now.

By the time they got there, she was operating on a dazed autopilot. She paid the driver of the wagon handsomely and then scooped the little boy up as gingerly as she could, shushing him softly when he murmured something about his so-called mother again. “It’s okay, Kravitz,” she told him softly as she held him close, “we’re here now. Magnus will keep us safe. Go back to sleep.”

Poor thing was so tuckered out he did almost immediately. She shifted him into one arm and attempted to carry the bag she brought with the other, urging Crowley to softly follow behind. She must’ve looked less composed than she would’ve liked because when Magnus opened the door, he looked concerned for her. That concern was replaced with irritation and shushing Johann pretty quickly, though, who had raced to the door a little too eagerly.

“Johann, shh! It’s nighttime, buddy. People are sleeping.” To the dog’s credit, he did exactly that, quieting himself when Magnus told him to and containing his excitement best he could (but his tail was still  _ thwapping _ excitedly against the wood floor). “Sorry ‘bout that. I think he’s really excited to see Crowley again. But who  _ wouldn’t _ be? She’s  _ such _ a good girl.”

Crowley was just as happy at the sound of his voice, breaking her calm and regal stoicism on the ride up to dart very quickly inside with her own tail a-waggin’, ready to give Magnus some well-earned kisses. It was pretty cute, to be honest. 

Lucretia tried not to get too distracted by it as she made her way inside. “That’s very true, but I don’t think you have to worry,” she reassured him. “We’ve had a long day today. I think he’s going to be out for a little while.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Magnus agreed, exhaling in sympathy. “Well, what’s mine is yours, so feel free to help yourself to anything. I got the guest room all cleared out for y’all, so it should be comfy for both of you if you wanna put ‘im to bed.”

That sounded like a good idea. She thanked him again and made her way to the guest room with his help; it was quaint, with just a single queen-sized bed and a rocking chair (no doubt something he’d made himself) off to the side. The window gave a fairly nice and serene view of the night sky, and the moon glowed just softly enough on the little boy to be comforting as she tucked him in.

“Goodnight, Kravitz,” she whispered, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. Crowley, the blessing that she was, scurried right into the room and took her place at the foot of the bed, curling up. Lucretia tried not to think about how long it had been since he’d slept in a proper bed. At least she could give him one for the time being.

As she made her way back out to the family room, the exhaustion of her body was starting to catch up to her. Something about being here felt safer than at Taako’s house; less chaotic, less judgmental, and it was enough that she was struggling to even stand upright when he addressed her again and led her to the couch. “Okay, so,” he said, trying to whisper and honestly doing a pretty bad job, “couple of things to say, just off the top of my head.”

She couldn’t help lying back a little on the couch, shutting her eyes just slightly. “Shoot.”

“One, is it okay to ask  _ why _ you’re here? I definitely have no problem with it or anything, just wonderin’ if I should be on the alert for anything.”

“Something going on with the Reapers,” she managed. “Had to get out.”

“Not finished,” Magnus chided her, “but good to know. Are Lup ‘n’ Barry okay?”

Lucretia couldn’t really think much, but she tried to consider this question. “They… ... _ will _ be, I think. Lyra’s done something to all of them, not sure what or how she did it. She… ...kind of broke out of the Eternal Stockade, ‘n’ I’m pretty sure Taako’s apartment would be the first place she’d look, so.”

“Well,” Magnus said after a moment of consideration, “okay, then. You came to the right place, ‘cuz I am rearin’ ‘n’ ready to punch. But uh, secondly, ‘n’ I think I’m more than qualified to say this: you kinda look like  _ dogshit. _ No offense.”

“Gee, thanks,” Lucretia murmured sardonically.

“I said  _ ‘no offense! _ ’ Anyways, when’s the last time you slept?”

“Oh, Magnus,” she sighed, trying to sit up and force her eyes open. “It’s okay. I haven’t--I haven’t been able to sleep lately, understandably, but--but I’m honestly doing fine. If you could just make me some coffee, I’m sure I--”

“Yeah, no, maybe in the mornin’, but you’re  _ exhausted! _ ”

“Really, I’m okay. Don’t worry about--”

“Piggyback ride, fireman carry, or arm around the shoulder?”

“ _ Magnus. _ ”

“Arm around shoulder it is, then,” he decided, and she felt it as he helped her to her feet and allowed her to lean most of her weight against him. “Sometimes less is more, I got’cha. Hope you don’t mind sharin’ a bed with Krav for now.”

“Not at all,” she reassured him, and then finally allowed herself a moment of weakness, voice cracking. “Thank you so much, Magnus.”

“I told you before,” he said, helping her onto the bed and taking her shoes off for her. “It’s no problem, ‘kay? You know you never have to handle this shit alone.”

“I--I do know,” she admitted, voice wobbling. “And I’m very grateful.”

“Good. If you need anything, me ‘n’ Johann are just right down the hall, ‘kay? Have a good night, Luce.”

“‘Night, Magnus,” she managed, allowing herself to slip into sleep.

Maybe they’d be safe here.

She'd allow herself to think so just for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, here's Some More!! i'm not thrilled abt this, it's short, but w/e. thanks again to everyone for reading. <3 hope your new year is off to a great start.


	20. Chapter 15, part 3

Waking up to the smell of frying bacon only helped. The moment Lucretia’s nostrils registered the scent wafting in from the kitchen, she found herself to be  _ unbelievably _ hungry, stomach registering hunger pangs that she’d been blocking out in all the stress. Kravitz was still sleeping soundly, the deep sleep of a toddler worn out by circumstance, and she tried her best not to disturb him as she slipped out of bed, doing her hardest to be quiet.

“Mm,” he whined beside her, wings shielding him just a little. “Mm… Mama…?”

_ Shit.  _ She cursed inwardly for stirring him from sleep, then attempted to sound as gentle and soft as humanly possible. “It’s all right, Kravitz,” she reassured him as he cracked an eye open. “You can go back to sleep. I was just getting up, that’s all.”

It was clear by the look in his little red eye that he wasn’t comprehending what she had to say, blinking out with no understanding and probably too half-asleep and exhausted. “Play ‘iano ‘n a second, Mama. Sleepy.”

“Shh… That’s okay, Kravitz.” She reached out and stroked his wings just so, just enough to soothe him. “You don’t need to do anything, okay? You rest as long as you need to, and I’ll be right here when you wake back up.” 

“No, s’okay, Mama,” he sighed, trying to sit up. Lucretia watched and felt somewhat endeared as he stretched and his wings extended outwards, a little bigger than she expected them to be. He yawned and rubbed his eyes and she couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of sorrow then for the way he felt he couldn’t take time to relax. “‘m up. ‘m ‘wake.”

“Are you?”

“Yuh-hm,” he reassured her, patting her face with no real understanding. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning, Kravitz,” she told him gently, scooping him up into her arms and allowing him to snuggle into her as much as he needed. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, wings shielding him from the light again. “You  _ know _ that alre’y, Mama… ...you were there…”

She knew it was probably more than typical for him to have recurring nightmares after everything he’d been through; still, as he hadn’t stirred her from sleep with any wails and cries, Lucretia couldn’t help but feel tremendously worried as her stomach dropped. “It… ...it’s not ‘Mama,’ Kravitz,” she finally managed to tell him, trying to sound calm and soft. “Remember? You’re staying with Lucy.”

Kravitz took a beat, cracking an eye open again. “Lucy… ...nice l’dy?”

“That’s exactly right,” she praised him, still beside herself with worry. “Did you dream about… ...about your mother?”

“Mhm,” he answered, seemingly nonchalant at first. Something dawned on him after that, however, and she watched as that nonchalance turned into a wariness that eyed her over thoroughly and deemed her suspicious. It was extremely worrisome; she saw the way he inwardly recoiled from her, eyeing her with more distrust than he’d had since she’d started to care for him. He looked hunted now, haunted; the vacant stare of a traumatized boy lingered in his eyes for just a little too long.

Lucretia didn’t feel good about it, to say the least. “Would you like to talk about it?” It was a long shot; she asked anyway and watched as he shook his head tentatively back and forth. That was fine; she just made a mental note to put up some strong wards to prevent Lyra from communicating with him in his sleep and tried to move past it. “That’s okay, Kravitz. It seems like Magnus has made us breakfast, so we should probably go eat. What do you think?”

After a moment of serious thought, the boy nodded his head, sticking his thumb in his mouth and holding on tight to his raven as she made her way out to the kitchen with him. Magnus’s kitchen was as homey as she’d imagined it to be, and it appeared he’d made French toast and scrambled eggs as well. She tried not to register how desperate she was for food while she was getting Kravitz settled.

“Oh, my,” she said softly, “doesn’t all that look  _ good, _ Kravitz?”

He still looked conflicted and not really with her, eyes darting up to her and out at the table with uncertainty. “Mhm.”

“I sure  _ hope _ so,” Magnus said, giving them a big grin as he set the plates down at the table. “I worked really hard to make sure these were some of the  _ tastiest _ breakfasts you’d ever eat! Mornin’, Lucy ‘n’ Kravvy. How’d you guys sleep?”

Lucretia looked at him curiously, wondering if he’d open up about the dreams. “I slept pretty well,” she said softly, trying to get him to talk. “How about you, Kravitz?”

His eyes were still so far away, so torn. It… ...hurt to see it. “Um,” he finally admitted, “‘s’okay. Good sleep.”

“Well, that’s good! Hope you’re hungry. I made you some French toast sticks, Krav. Ever had French toast sticks?”

He glanced down uncertainly at the plate, then at the small bowl full of maple syrup and then back up to Magnus. “Um,” he began, voice soft and unsure as he tried to bury some of his face in his raven toy, “no.”

Magnus gasped in an exaggerated way. Kravitz started at it, just a little. “Really? They’re pretty good! You take the French toast ‘n’ you get to dip it in as  _ much _ syrup as you want. You wanna try one?”

Kravitz looked very seriously at him, then at the plate, almost with laser focus. “Yeah.”

“Okay, but we should put your raven friend somewhere,” Lucretia reminded him gently, “so she doesn’t get sticky. You can hold her again after breakfast.” To her relief, Kravitz didn’t protest; she gently plucked the toy from his grasp and--and Magnus grabbed it from her. She looked at him in alarm and confusion, almost ready to be indignant or angry as this was  _ not _ the time to play keep-away and Kravitz wasn’t nearly as emotionally or mentally capable as Angus to handle games like that, but he just set the raven plush in its own seat, trying to make it sit as upright as he could manage.

“Don’t be silly, Lucretia,” he said in an exaggerated voice and beaming, “Raven gets her  _ own _ seat at the table!” He winked.

Oh, that made more sense--she was so on edge, but Magnus was particularly good at making things fun when he needed to, and she smiled with relief and then opted to play along. “Of course, how silly of me! It’s only fair that she gets to sit right by her best friend.”

Kravitz watched this raptly and it seemed to set him at ease. “She likes the, um. The… ...toast. It makes her happy.”

“Good! She probably wants  _ you _ to be happy too, Krav.”

But Kravitz didn’t need that particular encouragement. He was already digging into the French toast, dipping the stick in so carefully that it nearly made Lucretia want to hug him. He  _ flinched _ when he got syrup on himself, then panicked, and she wanted to hug him even more the next moment because he looked paralyzed with fear. “Sorry, sorry, bad manners,” he murmured, face terrified now and eyes immediately staring at her and waiting for her to punish him. “‘m sorry, M--L--L--’m sorry ‘m sorry.”

She softened. “Hey, Kravitz, hey. It’s all right. You’re okay. French toast can be messy--”

“Y’know what the  _ really weird _ thing is, Kravvy? With French toast sticks, you’re  _ supposed _ to get sticky.” Man, Magnus was on a roll this morning, and Lucretia was eternally grateful. She all but deflated with relief as she watched Kravitz try to process this, trembling just a little.

“Really?”

“Really!”

He looked at Lucretia for confirmation, and she was reminded again of how much of his world was made up of her approval and support and comfort. It still made her feel awkward, but she was easing into it more and more with each passing second, always conscious in the back of her mind of how dissatisfied Taako would be of the entire thing. Still, it was up to her in this moment to help him see the world in a better light. “That’s exactly right, Kravitz. Here with me, you can get as sticky as possible. We’ll just clean it up after, that’s all.”

Lucretia couldn’t help the way her heart swelled at how he considered this and then, tentatively, gave the French toast stick another dunk in the bowl. His eyes lit up as it got on his hand and no one punished him; he smiled, just slightly and then  _ completely, _ the more he got away with it. He  _ loved _ it, pushing the French toast sticks down until they were completely immersed, getting his hands completely covered, and then eating them so messily he was sticky all over his face, and he nearly giggled. It was one of the cutest and most joyous displays Lucretia had ever seen in probably her entire life. “It’s  _ okay _ to be messy,” he told his raven, almost trying to whisper. “Don’t worry.”

After breakfast, his wings  _ flapped _ with excitement, and he was all smiles. It was a far cry from the boy she’d seen at the start of the morning, so wary and afraid, and she was so happy to see it. She got a wet paper towel and scooped him into her arms lovingly, wiping the syrup off his hands and face as best as she was able. “Someone had fun at breakfast, I think.”

“It was me,” he told her earnestly, giggling but still so quiet. “I had fun.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm,” he trilled contently, wings flapping, and she had to make sure not to get a faceful of feathers. “I really liked it, Mama! It was great fun.”

Oof. Lucretia had to try not to wince at the name. “‘Lucy,’ Kravitz. Remember?”

“Oh,” he seemed to realize his error, at least. “Luc… ...Lucy. Nice lady Lucy.”

She was in thought now, though, still wiping him. “You know what, Kravitz,” she finally said, “if my name is difficult for you, there are other things you can call me. The world has Mamas, true, but there are also… ...other types of people. Did you know that?”

He shook his head no, tilting his head. “More than mamas…?”

“Mhm. Like,” --oh, gods, Taako was going to  _ kill _ her-- “like there are moms, too. Mommies.”

“What’s that mean?” He was so curious now. Fuck, she was in such deep shit. Oh, well.

She took a deep breath. “Well,” she finally said, trying not to let her voice wobble, “a mommy is… ...someone who makes you feel safe and happy. Someone who never yells at you, or hits you, and  _ always _ protects you.”

“Do they… ...do they sing songs?”

She tried not to cringe, remembering her horrible rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” “Sometimes, yes. And they’ll even tell stories, or play games, or clean you up when you get messy. But they never,  _ ever _ hurt you. And if you’d like to, if it would be easier, you can call me that if you want.”

“Mommy,” he tried, feeling the word out. “Like Mama. But not.”

“That’s exactly right. It’s up to you, though. You never have to call me anything you don’t want--”

“Okay,” Kravitz decided, and he climbed into her lap and he held her close. “‘ve never had one of those.”

Her heart ached. “Well, now you do, hm?”

He nodded in agreement.

Magnus was raising an eyebrow at her, but she shot him a look of utter  _ don’t you give me any shit for this, I’m trying my best _ and he stopped, clearing his throat. “Welp, better clean the dishes! Then maybe we can have some  _ fun _ today, huh?”

“That sounds nice,” she agreed, mostly for the young boy’s benefit. “Maybe we could even go outside.”

Taako was going to kill her. But frankly? He hated her right now no matter what she did, and--and like hell she was going to keep Kravitz trapped indoors like that monster had done to him. They’d have to take it slow--she could already see the abject horror starting to play out and make itself known on the boy’s face--but it was important for him to know that he could be safe and get sunlight, that it was okay to play.

Magnus seemed to agree with her. “Oh, yeah, definitely! Outside’s a really good idea. Dogs like Johann and Crowley need to go outside sometimes.”

Okay, well, he--he looked close to crying now, wringing his fingers. When Crowley started to try to nuzzle him with her nose to reassure him, Kravitz looked down at her with such guilt it was almost too heartbreaking to watch. “No,” he murmured, tears filling his eyes but not falling, “sorry. Sorry, but um, I’m not allowed.”

Lucretia had nothing but absolute rage in her heart for anyone who would do this to a child, but thankfully her company stepped in, taking everything in stride. “You  _ aren’t? _ Well, I bet that was with your mama, huh.” As Kravitz nodded, tears started quietly spilling down his cheeks, but Magnus was undeterred. “The good news is that with me ‘n’ L--your… ...uh, mommy, things are totally different! You’re  _ always _ allowed to go outside here.”

He was still crying; she tried to soothe him as gently as possible, and Crowley was sniffing and nudging at him, trying to make sure he was all right. “Mama said it’s dangerous,” he whispered.

“Kravvy, listen.” Magnus actually came over and tried to kneel down beside Kravitz to get a little more on his level. “Look at me for a second, okay? D’you remember when I brought Crowley to see you?”

Kravitz nodded, trembling.

“And do you remember how I said she’s here to protect you and keep you safe?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And how she’s here to help people like you who have been through some scary things, right?”

He nodded again. Lucretia just wanted to hold him so close.

“Well, what  _ that _ means, Krav, is that Crowley knows just what to do! If things ever get dangerous or scary, or even if they’re not but you don’t want to be somewhere, Crowley is trained to know how to get you out of that situation and make sure you’re safe and happy.” Magnus beamed at the spaniel with obvious pride; it was almost too sweet, honestly. “I trained her to know what to do if you’re sad or scared or lonely or angry--and if anyone is going to be there for you while we go outside, it’s her. If you decide you don’t  _ like _ outside or need to go in, she’s going to be right there to help you, and so will Luc--your mommy ‘n’ me, okay? She’s a  _ good girl _ and she’s here for  _ you. _ ” He gave her a well-deserved ear scritch and some head pats.

Kravitz considered this extremely thoroughly and quietly, but it took one more well-timed nuzzle from Crowley to make up his mind. “Um, o-okay. I… I guess we can try. But if I don’t like it, I wanna leave.”

“That’s perfectly okay, Kravitz,” Lucretia reassured him. “You can go inside at any time, okay? Now, would you like to hold my hand, or do you want me to carry you?”

As if trying to answer, he clung to her leg. She felt so sad for the way he was absolutely trembling, but she scooped him up and allowed him to cling to her, sticking his thumb in his mouth with one hand and pressing up against her with the other. She soothed him as she slowly and gently moved and Crowley followed her every step, vigilant and concerned eyes on her boy. 

She politely allowed Johann and Magnus room to rush ahead, as it seemed the dog took after his owner in that way, and Magnus smiled sheepishly in response. “Sorry ‘bout that. He gets  _ really _ excited. Okay, okay, Johann, we can play a  _ little, _ okay?” Magnus tolerated the way the dog jumped up on him and licked all over his face, and it was sweet to watch but Lucretia found herself immensely thankful for how Crowley was so restrained and careful.

“Okay,” Magnus was saying as Johann licked him absolutely  _ everywhere, _ tail wagging, “okay, okay, I know. We’ll play in a second, go do your business.” As if obeying a command, Johann’s ears perked up and he went to go find a suitable spot to do it in, and Crowley glanced at Kravitz, tail wagging just a little. She glanced back at Magnus, uncertain. “You, too, Crowley, c’mon.” At his say so, she eagerly went to find a good spot to go but kept Kravitz within her sights.

“I’ll take care of  _ this _ yucky stuff,” Magnus said, “and then we can have some real  _ fun _ today. Sound good?”

Kravitz was absolutely trembling in her arms, and Lucretia ached for him. He seemed so overwhelmed, glancing up at the sky with what could only be described as terror, staring straight ahead in fear, and Crowley was quick to pick up on this and  _ darted _ vigilantly back to his side, nuzzling him with her nose. “You’re okay, Kravitz,” Lucretia reassured him softly. “See? Everyone’s right here to make sure of it.”

Once Magnus was done, he emerged with a bright yellow-green tennis ball. “Yeah! You’re totally safe, little guy. We’re all here to make sure of it and protect you. And look--outside can even be a  _ fun _ place! Watch this. Johann, you want this ball? You seem like you do, huh? You really want this ball, gosh, well, you’re gonna have to go  _ fetch!! _ ”

They both watched as Johann darted for it top speed and brought it back, dropping it loyally at Magnus’s feet. He was rewarded with a  _ bunch _ of pets and he flopped over, rolling around on the grass. “Who’s a good boy, who’s a  _ good _ boy, that’s  _ right _ you are, good  _ boy _ Johann good  _ boy. _ ”

Kravitz eyed this scene warily. “Does Crowley know how to play?” She perked up at the mention of her name and gave his hand a lick, even as she watched Johann chase after the ball with reckless abandon. It was obvious she wanted to play, but she remained faithful and loyal to the young boy beside her, and Lucretia couldn’t help but smile.

“You bet she does! Wanna see?” When Johann brought the ball back to Magnus, faithfully waiting and wagging his tail, he played with it a bit. “How ‘bout it, Crowley? You wanna get the ball? You wanna show Kravvy how we play?” Now Crowley was at alert, eyes trained on Magnus, tail wagging happily back and forth as she jumped around and yipped and panted. “Okay, that sounds like a ‘yes’ to me… ... _ go get it!! _ ” Kravitz watched in absolute awe as the dog took after the ball, a blur of joy, and then brought it back to Magnus by dropping it at his feet. “Good  _ girl, _ Crowley! What a good girl, yes she  _ is. _ You wanna try, Kravvy?”

He blinked. “Me?”

“Yeah, you!” He gave the ball to Kravitz, grinning. “Crowley’d  _ love _ it if you played with her.”

“Um, okay,” Kravitz said, his voice already full of giggles as he threw the ball. “Go get it, Crowley!” He clapped in delight as she took off after it and then brought it back to him, and after a few more tries of this they seemed perfectly content together and his reservations about the outside world seemed almost eliminated. Lucretia watched with a genuine smile as he cackled and rolled around in the grass with Crowley and ran around the yard with her, his wings flapping in glee. He seemed almost like any other young boy.

“Crowley,” he told her with love as he lied down on the grass, looking up at the sky, “Mama’s gonna love you, too. You’ll see.”

If not for things like  _ that. _ It was a sobering thing to overhear, and the reality came crashing back into Lucretia abruptly and uncomfortably. She averted her eyes and cleared her throat when he started to almost drift away in the grass. “Somebody seems a bit tired,” she spoke up, gently scooping him up in her arms. “Why don’t we head inside for a nice nap, hmm?”

“That sounds like a  _ great _ idea, Lucy.” Thank gods Magnus was there to support her.

“‘M not tired,” he tried to protest, even as he latched onto her and stuck a thumb in his mouth. “Wanna keep playin’ with Crowley…”

“I know you do,” she reassured him softly, “but Crowley wants you to rest too, okay?”

“Mmn… ... _ Crowley _ …” He whined. She tilted her head at the sound of her name and followed them all indoors, eager as always to be there for her boy and settling quite easily and happily at the end of his bed.

“Shh… You just rest now, okay? This has been such a big day for you.” Lucretia was beyond relieved to find that even though he’d dropped his raven outside in all the chaos, Magnus had remembered to bring it back in, and Kravitz was more than happy to take her and hold her close and listen to her soft piano music to help him drift away.

As he sank into sleep, she quietly cast protective wards to keep that witch away from his dreams and kissed him lightly on the forehead. “This time, you’ll sleep well. I promise.”

He didn’t respond; it still put her at enough ease she could drape herself into the chair overlooking the bed and take a nap herself. Now that she felt more secure, it was easier for her body to slip into states like that as well, and for the second time since she arrived at Raven’s Roost she felt as though she could relax.

It didn’t last long.

Something came  _ screaming, wailing _ into her consciousness with a rude jolt. It wasn’t difficult to guess who it was, immediately frothing at the mouth with rage.  **WHERE** **_IS_ ** **HE? HOW** **_DARE_ ** **YOU TRY TO KEEP ME FROM HIM.**

Lucretia stood her ground against it, this new presence which she was slowly beginning to comprehend as a vaguely humanoid figure, but it was beside itself with upset and howling. Its eyes gleamed in a way that seemed familiar to her, and even though she knew this was just a dream, she couldn’t help stepping back a little. “You can’t get to him, not--not ever again. I won’t  _ let _ you.”

**FOOLISH WHELP,** Lyra  _ snarled, _ unraveling bit by bit into something skeletal and horrifying,  **I HAVE A RIGHT TO HIM! I’M HIS** **_MOTHER._ ** **EVEN IF YOU KEEP HIM FROM ME NOW, HIS HEART YEARNS AND ACHES FOR ME; A GROWING BOY** **_NEEDS_ ** **HIS MOTHER. WHO ARE YOU TO DENY HIM?**

She wouldn’t allow herself to be intimidated, not even as the being grew closer and the inhumane shouting grew louder, more and more voices layered cacophonously on top of each other. “Who are  _ you?  _ It seems to me the only person here unfit to raise a child is  _ you. _ You’ve kidnapped him, terrorized and terrified him, and  _ hurt _ him beyond--beyond actual belief. If you’re his mother, you’re the sorriest example I’ve ever seen, and--and I  _ won’t. _ Let you near him again. Not now, not  _ ever. _ ”

The lich  _ screamed _ in rage, then vanished.

Lucretia woke with a start, incredibly disoriented.

“Mommy…?” Kravitz stirred at the sound of her panicked gasp. “Y’okay?”

“Just fine, Kravitz. Go on back to sleep.”

She made sure he sank back into a good rest before she made her way out of the room to get her bearings. Soon she was rambling about the whole unfortunate situation to Magnus, who was listening raptly as he watched her pace the living room floor. “Are you  _ sure? _ ”

“I know a lich when I see one, Magnus,” she stammered, keeping her voice low. “This person that’s kept him captive, that’s what she is. And--and given the circumstances, I’m sorry, but I think going to the moonbase is our best bet. It’s the only place I  _ know _ she won’t be able to get to him.”

“But you guys just got here! Who cares if she’s a lich? I--I can take her--”

“No,” Lucretia refuted gently, “we both know this is the safest option. I  _ hate _ having to uproot him so soon, he’s already been through so much and this is going to be so overwhelming for him…” She massaged her temples, sighing heavily. 

“I know,” Magnus sighed. “But it’ll be okay. Just do what you gotta do.”

They sat in heavy silence before he spoke up again.

“Hey, at least there’s finally gonna be a dog on the moon!”

She couldn't help but smack his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD FINALLY I FUCKING UPDATED SOMETHING. UGH. my life has been so hectic and full of change and draining but i have literally just been MISERABLE not being able to find the spoons to update stuff lmao. ;A; as such, i hope this chapter is any good, thanks for all of you who've stuck with it!! <3 i love you.

**Author's Note:**

> GOSH. SOMETIMES YOU JUST RLY CAN'T CONVEY A THING THE WAY YOU WANT TO anyway the other day i was lying down and my hellbrain went, "oh--KRAVITZ has a bad done to him????" since there are a few good Taako Is Kidnapped/Tortured/Goes Missing things, but. ... idk. ... WHY AM I DOING THIS TO BOY
> 
> and why can't i do it the way i want
> 
> anyway this is just like a concept/sketch but w writing/prologue thing. if i can get over myself maybe there will be more???? bye


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